Difficult to describe or be aware of deficits - normal?

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Does anybody here have difficulty describing the difficulties you have? For instance, having to explain to a doctor or the government how your disability affects you?

I often have difficulty with explaining my difficulties and sometimes lack the self awareness to know the full extent of my difficulties. I often rely on my family to help me describe my behaviours and symptoms when it comes to medical assessments. I know I have difficulties, but I don't know if it's normal or if it falls in the sphere of aspergers.

I am often surprised at some of the behaviours I used to exhibit. For example, my sister was describing my behaviour as a child and how I used to take playtime very seriously and was basically a method actor about it. I didn't know I did that, but in retrospect I remember I used to take class activities very seriously such as "detective" or "survival" games. Apparently that can be related to the rigidity or problems with imagination in autism. I just didn't realise it was such a pervasive problem.

I've also always thought of myself as having a pretty good grasp of humour, but I have recently realised how much I struggle to tell when people are sincere or when they are joking. My former employer often made jokes that totally went over my head. I don't know how I struggle so much with this seeing as I seem to have no trouble using sarcastic or deadpan humour. In fact my friends and family often remark on how I have a dark and subversive sense of humour and yet I seem to be totally blind when other people do it.

I still struggle with communicating, but I can't for the life of me explain why. I am eloquent and have enough intelligence to talk in depth about how I feel and yet I struggle to understand the clear rift between me and others. Even well into my 20's, I still don't know where I stand with people. A lot of people claim that they would have never noticed that I had "anything wrong" with me, but others have asked my friends "what's wrong with her?". True story - my roommate was beginning to become friends again with a guy that lived next to us (apparently they had a lot of history together, I don't know) and I would sometimes talk to him briefly. Usually just small talk. Well my roommate said that he asked her "Is she a bit weird?". She was just as shocked as I was because we hardly ever spoke to each other and he immediately suspected something odd about me. She thought it was because he's very shallow at times, but I wonder how many other people feel the same way.

I just have no idea how other people perceive my behaviour and characteristics. I also don't know how much I truly am impaired socially, interpersonally or professionally by my symptoms. I guess ignorance truly is bliss because there's a lot of stuff I am just learning now and it's not good.

Is this something that a lot of people on the spectrum have? Or am I just totally oblivious?

I have difficulty sometimes. I might not even remember some of my "disabilities"/quirks at the time of a doctor visit LOL

You might keep notes while reading this forum. When someone complains about a problem and you realize you are just like that--write yourself a note about it.

I think it's often difficult for anybody to talk coherently about difficulties in their thinking style, and some of these bureaucratic environments don't exactly help, and people with ASD can find it particularly difficult to deal with officials and to get what they need.

I have trouble explaining some of my cognitive impairments - for example I have trouble organising my stuff or "tidying up," but describing exactly how it goes wrong for me is hard. If I really needed to, I might try to do it by actually having a go at organising stuff and putting into words exactly what went wrong, or even getting somebody to watch me so I can tell them as it's happening and they can see if for themselves and perhaps offer insights that I haven't noticed. Sometimes banging my head against an impairment is so unpleasant that my mind refuses to remember the details of the experience. And it all seems to happen on an intuitive level where it's never put into words. When I was a teenager I thought I must have some kind of brain damage - years later it turned out to be ASD - and for a long time my only ideas about what was wrong were that I couldn't concentrate or remember under certain circumstances, and I wouldn't even have been able to make it that clear at the time.

Like BTDT said, it might be good to borrow words from the forums here, whenever you recognise an impairment that you have. I've learned a lot that way, over the years.

The forum definitely has helped me explain a few things in the past. I guess what I'm talking about is mostly being oblivious to what I actually struggle with, if that makes sense. There are so many times when people will confront me and explain to me something I did or didn't do that I had no idea I was doing and I only knew because somebody pointed it out to me.

But yes, sometimes it is that I just can't find the words to explain what I'm going through. It can be really exhausting to keep track sometimes.