Is this PTSD?

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I had my first intimate experience with a girl September of last year, going from literally no experience to some experience in a day. In retrospect, it seems to be a traumatic event. I thought that this act would develop into a relationship, but it never happened; all she really wanted was a one night stand. I still replay that night over and over in my head, and every time I passed her dorm room (we lived in the same dorm), I had flashbacks about that night. I can't avoid this in my sleep, either; I've had dozens of dreams about this girl and that event, recreating it in the distorted way dreams tend to do. Every time I wake up from one of these dreams, my anguish over the event relives itself. My question is: is this PTSD, as ridiculous as that seems? And how can I cope with this? It's been nearly a year since it happened, and it seems like just yesterday, the memory is so vivid.

It does sound like PTSD to me. Can you see a therapist?

I think trauma is one of those things that's in the eye of the beholder, so if something was traumatic for you, I would think it could certainly cause PTSD. It doesn't seem ridiculous. The only advice I could give would be to talk to a professional about it. I don't know enough to give any better advice. Oh, and don't beat yourself up about it, if you're like me and tend to do those kinds of things. I hope you're able to get it worked out, take care.

Seems reasonable, especially if you have sensory issues *and* pressured yourself into going through with something that may not have been completely physically comfortable to you. Something can be intensely "pleasurable" and still trigger sensory defensiveness!

Many autistic people report having more vivid memories than NTs report. Also, its very common after sex for people to think back on it and to have it on their minds.

I don't know if this is PTSD in the traditional sense. I hear that you a having a hard time processing what happened, and that its bringing up a lot of intense emotions. I agree that its a good idea for you to see a counselor when you get back to school. It will help prepare you to have a better experience if/when you decide to give it another try.

Just keep in mind that a lot of what you are experiencing is totally normal. I was 25 when I had my first kiss and my first night with a woman. It was also a very short relationship - in this case, we lasted two weeks. I can remember it SO vividly. And I'm 41 years old now. Sex memories just do that. They stick. These human bodies are just self-replicating DNA. They want us to have sex and they remember that time they get it the same way my dog remembers that one spot that he found a lost hot dog under the sidewalk a week ago. I don't think its odd that you are still thinking about it 10 months later. It was your first time. You're never going to really let it go entirely. First times do that to us.

I agree with somanyspoons. My first sexual encounter was something I wanted, thought I was ready for, I was in love and was fortunate enough that he was in love with me too. Yet even with all that being positive, I felt quite traumatized the rest of that evening. I hid it from everyone, including my boyfriend. But I felt really disturbed even though it was a completely consensual thing and part of me was excited and happy. I wasn't really ready and that's why I felt so disturbed afterward. It was an impactful event even under the best of circumstances.

First times, especially in things as profound as our sexual lives, are very profound events and have an impact on us. That can happen even if nothing "went wrong" but is especially distressing if something went bad about it -- and you are upset about the aftermath in which it became clear she wasn't in it for long-term.

Be gentle with yourself, try to get to see a counselor when you can, and try not to be alarmed at how long you're still concerned about this event, as somanyspoons points out people on the spectrum can tend to form such vivid memories that things stay with as something we can't stop remembering or thinking about, or analyzing, for a very long time. You can get past this event but in the meanwhile be kind to yourself, and no it's not ridiculous at all that this had an impact on you.