IS PDA Autism a thing?

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Is PDA a group of its own
Or is it autism with an extra layer of something? (If so, is that nature or nurture?)
Or is it more female type autism
Or more active type
Or just atypical autism

?

I never cared until I got a friend of sorts with this. She is not diagnosed but...

This is/was her (She is a young adult):

Passive first years of life, watched, never included self
Spoke at 5 years of age
Has good eye contact, is good at pretending to understand what people say when she does not, IRL not too bad at turntaking, seems to use fairly normal body language
No social understanding. Does not understand the mind of others. Does not understand simple rules of formal or social reciprocity. Is clueless how people usually socialize and what levels. Friends leave her.
Might express formal how are you's and quick empathic gestures but forgets in a few seconds if the other person is sad
Takes everything personally, if they don't respond they hate her, she doesn't understand others have a life on their own, she treats people like they are dolls in a doll house that are passive when she does not need them.
Shows sad moods, angry moods, happy moods, changes quickly.
She is very, very obsessed by people. She tries to find the perfect person to have as a friend. She often goes through her mind who is the better friend and depending on I don't know what, one person might be "out" that is "in" the next day. Needs contact almost nonstop with these people, which scares them away. She feels that now that they are friends she should be able to say anything so she has no boundaries, she can tell me very personal things.
She is very bossy in conversations. She wants answers to her questions (it's always about her obsession her vs "friends") and she pushes until people answer. People can say no 10 times and she still asks. She makes people help her with stuff even if they say no. She just does her thing until people cave.
She is both active and passive depending. I see no pattern to when she is what.
She rather fights with people or delays starting so she can't study. She has many free hours when she can do HW but she ruins them all on purpose and if that does not work she gets a "headache".

First time I saw her I thought I was wrong about autism, because her behavior was not autistic. But then I realize she is just very good at mimicking. Others put harsh demands on her because they think she is "normal". She is pretty bad at all parts of school but she has too much pride than to admit she can't do it. She nags other students into doing her HW for her. Her manipulation skills are really, really poor although she thinks they are good. She doesn't understand people see right through them. She also says she does not know who she is.

When she has a person of obsession she either tries to contact them or thinks about them all day long. She has few other interests. She likes being around people but she often ends up on the outside and gets sad. There is definitely something more than autism going on, she does everything fast (when she wants to), talks fast, jumps around and can't stick to a topic. Also she either has LD or has a mild mental challenge. Even with this, I'm pretty sure she has autism, even if it is atypical there are still things that are autistic.

She is often anxious, and often socially anxious. I'm not sure if it is solely anxiety that drives her avoidance, I think some of it is having gone through school as a kid and never succeeded in anything, she was mainstreamed.

I have contact with people with autism and aspergers but none of them is this stubborn and this domineering. Sometimes I just wanna scream.

Is this PDA? Or just someone with a low IQ with autism and some borderline features?

What is the worst I could do to her? Cuz I really want to avoid causing harm.

If you are going to use an acronym, define it in the thread.

A PDA to me is a personal digital assistant, so my answer is: no, autistics do not use PDA's anymore, we use iPads and Android based tablets.

Pathological Demand Avoidance seems like a label only used in the UK. But if it is useful to them, maybe it IS a thing?

http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx

PDA's to me is public displays of affection which is not something I think aspies do really easily.

I am still skeptical about it being an autism thing because it doesn't fit anywhere on the spectrum. They don't even sound close to being autistic because none of the information I have read about it describes any ASD symptoms like lack of gestures lack of facial expressions, etc. If PDA is on the spectrum, then I wonder what else out there could also be on the autistic spectrum but yet not fit with autism. Even this UK mother who blogs about her PDA daughter Molly even wrote that she was diagnosed with Asperger's but she didn't fit the profile of someone with it.

I don't think PDA is part and parcel of autism.

Most autistic people, in fact, probably don't exhibit symptoms of that.

One can, at least theoretically, use having PDA as an excuse to not be responsible. To not get a job. To not clean up the dishes, stuff like that.

You can't get SSI for having PDA.

I am imagining myself as a child right now hearing about PDA and knowing a kid with it and seeing how they can get their way and how they can get out of doing things, etc. so I started trying to have PDA for the sake of my anxiety so I wouldn't have anxiety and using that kid as an example of how to act to succeed at it.

Funny story I did as a child. I decided to use religion as an excuse to not do my homework so I decided I had a religion and said it was against my religion to do it. I am not sure what happened after that and how my mom was able to get me to do my homework. She told me I tried this once as a kid.

You were a pretty smart kid. I would never have thought of that when I was a kid!

She probably said that "it's against MY religion to refrain from tanning your fanny!" . And your unconscious mind has mercifully blotted out all memory of the extended corporal punishment that followed!

I didn't understand religion and still don't so I tried to make up my own because that is how it feels to me.


I tried having ODD when I was 16 but it backfired.

If PDA is not a thing or is not autism, she sort of has to be a form of atypical autism, whether that is a concept or not these days. She would fit into the criteria for autism (barely), still she says herself she cannot be autistic because certain things. Maybe she is right. Or maybe there are autistic people who are talented at appearing normal (not just compensation skills) and still do very poorly with social stuff when you scratch the surface.

I understand there is a sort of informal subtype to aspergers like a more active/odd type. But she is not just active, she is obsessed with other people and the perfect friendship. Has good eye contact. Is outgoing (too much and no boundaries). Someone told me before I met her that she must be autistic, but when I met her I was like no way, she is so smooth. But I came to realize despite being very far from textbook, she has autism.

It was just sort of surprising she had all but one criteria for PDA. Fits her more than anything.

I guess a real thing even ill fitted is better than a thing that fits but is not real...