Does it take you will power to socialize with others?

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I sadly find myself having to use extreme will power to make any connections but usually they fail. That's why I take medications which almost eases the mind a bit.

It's almost like I can't be sober and normal. I normally connect better when I'm high on something or drunk, sadly.

I think many of us have difficulty. Also I believe that no small part of it can arise from adverse experiences, not just AS factors. Psychologists have a term for this, "learned helplessness", a fear based response to past adverse experience. (The counterpart term is "learned mastery"). An alternative way of looking at this is in terms of having acquired a "phobia", and the most effective way of modifying phobia is new learning in a safe environment. In fact it may be true to say for at least some of us that what we term and internalise and view as "innate social anxiety" is in fact a conditioned, phobic response.

For me joining a safe group - in my case it was a social anxiety group - worked over the years to build up a bank of safe, positive, experiences of acceptance, affirmation, approval, inclusion - of becoming part of a group context of mutual respect, mutual trust, mutual support, validation and encouragement. I blossomed there in the first six months, (which was several years ago) and over the years since that counteracted a lot of the generalised social phobia that had come to affect me before.

There are different groups and sometimes you have to join some in a hit and miss sorting process until you find one that really fits. At least that was my experience, though when I found the right group, and experienced the process of two way connection in safety, the healing began and then accelerated.

It take me willpower to even want to socialize with others, because everyone is becoming annoying to me.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

I can do it, but it feels like hard work even when it's fun. I don't meet people to relax, I have to relax after meeting people. Even with my closest friends, I have to call it a day after a couple of hours.

Yeah it does. For this reason I don't talk much unless I have a reason although I would like to have friends in real life. I can be good socially for like a day but I must try very hard and I can never keep it up. I tried. Though soon I'm going to do a social skills course so maybe that would help me

I am a sales person so generally outside of continuously trying to sell something to someone it does take a significant level of effort to "socialize" with others. Luckily for me I generally repel people because no one likes pushy sales people.

I'm as social as I need to be at my job. I can handle small gatherings of people for relatively short periods. But even in an ideal social situation, I quickly tire of the interactions. There are many days when I get home from work and don't want to talk to anybody. I'm grateful for an understanding wife.

It depends on the person.

For most people, yes.

It depends on how much energy I have and how much I can relate to the person, but it usually requires effort for me to socialize with others. It doesn't mean that I don't like most people though.

Definitely, yeah. Last Friday I was hanging out with a friend and I was actually relieved when I went home because although it was fun socializing is hard and draining. Text based communication is much better, but even that gets draining after a while. I also have some days (like yesterday) where it takes a lot of willpower to talk at all.

The very little that I do / can talk usually revolves around my special interest or vital work instructions. Even then, it's still difficult. Too much stuff you have to know.

Not usually. Sometimes I'll have a social thing planned and when the time comes I don't feel like doing it, and then I'll maybe shove myself out of the door, but beyond that I don't try to force anything. In fact I can't make myself talk to people, it either comes naturally or it doesn't. I can't "take an interest" in anybody, if I show interest it's because I'm actually curious. When I was a lot younger I used to push myself, and I'd end up saying stupid things. I used to find alcohol in moderation and cannabis helped me to be more sociable, probably because they would relax me and make me feel good, but I never took them with that particular aim in mind. Nicotine gum seems to loosen my tongue a little, but again I don't use it specifically to help me socialise. In fact I never try hard to socialise, beyond making a bit of extra effort and being hypervigilant so as not to make any social blunders when I'm with people.

Yes

Words can't say how much I resonate with how PhosphorusDecree described this. This is me to, to a "T".

For me too, it feels like hard work and leaves me with issues later even when it's been fun and I've actively enjoyed the social interaction. I strongly relate to that.

And "I don't meet people to relax, I have to relax after meeting people." Again, same situation, after even the most fun time spent with a friend, when I get back home alone to my own place, there can be repercussions for hours or longer. I may find that I'm pacing around my apartment repeating the conversations we had and "re-answering" things I feel unhappy about because I didn't think I said what I really meant to say, due to processing slowness. I may find myself feeling anxious as I analyze the interactions later, with an unease about anything I might have said wrong or didn't understand the other person trying to say. There's always at least a couple of elements of a conversation that I realize I missed a cue of and if I go over it and over the "penny will drop" on what I missed in the moment.

I find that I can't settle down and go straight back into what I would normally be doing at home and comfortable in my own environment. I find myself feeling discombobulated -- again even if everything felt like fun and seemed to go well.

And something weird that seems to always happen after a major social effort -- stupid things happen afterward or before when I'm working up the will. Like, I'm washing dishes and I will lose control of a glass and it falls and breaks. Or I snag my clothes on something and a top is ruined because I became more physically clumsy either before or after having to make a big effort socially. Stupid physical mistakes and small, stupid little accidents like this tend to happen in my anxiety anticipating the socializing or following it. Something always gets ruined or accidentally broken because my motor control plummets into poor functioning.

It takes a lot of will power to prepare to be very social and a lot to "come down" after it.

The only exception tends to be if there happens to be in my life one person I can get closer with emotionally, which is rare but has happened -- someone I'm falling in love with in the case of relationships, or a friend who turns out to be so compatible that's it's easier to spend time with them than with most people.

I still get the effects but they may be less-so with that person. That's the only way I managed to be married at one time and actually enjoy all the together-time. It's like I can "let the drawbridge down" on one person in my life at a time who makes me less socially anxious than I would normally be. I always think of it as discovering the one person who I can "let through the gate", although it's not a deliberate choosing of how the gate operates, rather the person's qualities and way of relating to me help ease me and my gate just operates more for them because of that.

Your post really resonated with me BIF and I have actually thought precisely this many times in my life just as you describe:

It's like I can "let the drawbridge down" on one person in my life at a time who makes me less socially anxious than I would normally be. I always think of it as discovering the one person who I can "let through the gate", although it's not a deliberate choosing of how the gate operates, rather the person's qualities and way of relating to me help ease me and my gate just operates more for them because of that.

Not willpower, i can do it at any time.

However, socializing drains me of energy and i have to relax in solitude to "recharge my social batteries".