spd ? any therapy for social issues?

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I'm wondering if I could get some input on whether you feel my 3.5 old son is spd. He has not been evaluated due to him being mostly what we have felt to be normal, except socially. My husband and I both are 'shy' by nature so it's hard to know whether it's just that or something more. What I really need to know, is if the social issues he has can be helped by therapy etc or just patience and time. I know it's important to help early on, so if there's something I can do to help him socially I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Here are his 'spd symtpoms' but the only one getting in the way of a normal life is the last -

-gag reflex issues - didn't eat solids until 2, but now at 3 1/2 eats a good variety, though not a big eater in general and has some minor texture issues (won't eat steak). He still prefers stuff like hummus, guacamole, applesauce, yogurt and lasagne over non mushy stuff.

-as a baby cried at loud sounds, at 2 he needed headphones with vacuum and blender, now he just runs off laughing and is not very bothered by any sounds, fine on the 4th of july.

-never liked toys much as a baby, only youtube/cartoons/video games. But now he has a wonderful imagination with his few toys that he does like.

-some speech issues, mostly pronunciation took a long time to form properly though at 3.5 he is now mostly understandable and talkative.

-tumbleweed in bed, even a weighted blanket to help with his nightly nightmares doesn't stay on. I find him on the floor at times too (bed on ground).

-his biggest issue has been this: social. He will go to parks but will not go up on the equipment/slides unless absolutely no one is there. If someone comes, he'll run off and just stand on the side and watch. Going to splash pads or anything he has to hold my hand. Something like preschool would be incredibly difficult for him, since he's very sensitive/ultra aware around kids. We've done little gym and he has good days and bad. As soon as he is in a big group or crowd he will say 'im tired' and just kind of shut down and want to go home. However, he is only timid sometimes (sometimes very social) with adults. He is ok with 1 or 2 kids max, even then hesitant. Eye contact seems fine. I remember being this way, to be honest I still feel this way but have found ways to get by.

-I feed him very healthy and avoid dyes, low sugar, give him some great vitamins and fish oil and iron seems to help too (he won't eat much beef and has tons of dairy). I have not tried gfcf diet.

To sum it up I am concerned with his esteem and confidence as he gets older, because of how difficult it is for him to be around people. They seem to drain him immediately. But sometimes he'll get a kind of high showing off around adults. Right now I am thinking more 1 on 1 playdates to help him, otherwise he gets overwhelmed and shuts down. Is there any kind of effective therapy or proprioception tricks for this kind of thing?

The parents forum might have better responses for this.

My point of view is probably going to be a little different. My only child is 2, neurotypical, very smart (he started to talk at 3 months, already knows the alphabet and is starting to count). I'm an autism researcher, from a sociology perspective- I don't think there's anything wrong with being autistic-to me it's just a social difference like being a woman or a minority race. I grew up with a much younger autistic little brother. I'm married to a man who is autistic.

Okay so that being said it sounds to me like your son has a lot of sensory sensitivities. That's pretty normal for being autistic. The gag thing is also pretty common. I get to hear my husband gag twice a day while he brushes his teeth and he's 39. You'd think he'd get used to it by now, but it's still very hard for him. So obviously this is a big struggle for some people. Are you pureeing some regular food? That might sound a little gross, but it might help him to give some things a chance? I have also found that my husband prefers consistent textures. No random bits. No hard bits with soft bits.

This thing about your son being hesitant with some playing activities- My kid is like that too. I think it might have something to do with being smart and thinking about things too much. Your son might be too aware that he could easily fall off of some equipment and he is being guarded. He might dislike the way they feel or look. He might be thinking that it's gross that other kids have been all over them. Who knows. With a smart or autistic kid, they could be thinking of all kinds of things that an ordinary child would not think of. So when you look things up online or in a book and it says that kids his age "can't" do something or think of something in a particular way, I wouldn't be so sure. I'd just observe him closely and introduce things gently.

My son is neurotypical, so it helps him to see other kids doing something that he finds scary. Especially the pretty little girls. I don't know how that works for autistic kids. It could help to describe processes in depth, show videos of how they work, etc to make them more appealing. Maybe relate those things to things he does like.

Don't worry about him having a normal life. I know that sounds flippant to say, but being autistic does still give one a normal life. You still have opportunities for relationships, parenting, jobs, helping others. From what I have observed in my research, autistic lives on the whole turn out as good or better than non-autistic lives if you compare them objectively.

Hope some of this helps.

I used to be a special educator. What you are describing to me doesn't sound terribly concerning. He sounds like a thoughtful, cautious child. A lot of 3 year olds have the sensitivities you describe. My nephew is that age and has every single sensitivity you mention, except that he's socially outgoing on the playground, as long as there is a ball involved.

Its not overly surprising that thoughtful, quieter parents produced a thoughtful, quieter child. To make school easier for him, you might want to start to expose him to more periods of being with other kids. (I'm assuming that you intend to put him in public school.)

You might want to have him evaluated by a OT. The process is usually pretty fun, as they have lots of toys and most of the tests seem like games. They could tell you if he might benefit from some early Occupational Therapy - that's the discipline that helps with kiddos who have sensory issues. Its possible for them to work with your son and leave the evaluating and official diagnosing for later. I've seen a couple of little ones who simply needed some extra help regulating themselves -that and a little help for mom and dad in understanding what they can do to help.

somanyspoons this is exactly why we have never been to an OT - it reminds us so much of ourselves in our childhood that what some parents may find concerning I see as normal (because it was for me). I am not sure if the over sensitivity to people in general is something that much can be done about.

How do I go about getting an OT? I called the one place that the spd site listed for my state awhile back and they wanted $600 and did not take insurance. So now I am confused as to where/how to get one.

I guess I'll post this in the parents section too, thanks for the thoughts!

I don't have kids, but I'm really afraid for my nephew. He's showing signs that he's got my family "temperament" - basically we are all dx with ether ADHD or spectrum disorders. Its skipped my brother, so he hasn't really seen the signs yet. And I'm scared that my brother will send my nephew down the same painful path that I had to walk out of simple ignorance. Just acknowledging that this is something that runs in the family and that it's not some kind of weirdo somanyspoons-is-broken thing special to me would be a huge improvement.

I know of a couple of wonderful OTs who work with this age group. If you happen to live in NJ, let me know and I'll get you their information.

To use your insurance, it would probably be best to go through your insurance company first. See who is covered and give three of them a call to ask about how they work with the kids. It should be a fun, non-traumatizing experience. They should be set up for that age group and they should have a way to spend a least the first session or two mostly alone with your child - meaning that you aren't sharing the room with 5 rambunctious ten year olds. My one friend works through an agency that has her working in the kids' home.

$600 is actually a typical price for an OT evaluation. Its so unjust how expensive medical care is in the US. But they did quote you a pretty typical price. You can always ask an OT who is not under your plan if they are willing to give discounts to people who pay cash, "based on need." That last phrase is important. It is legal for them to give you a discount if you are in financial need, but if they give you a discount just because you don't have insurance, they are breaking the law. So you don't want to put them in that position. It is legal to give the insurance company a price break, but it is illegal to give the individual a price break. (Grrr...)

ouch yeah I will be calling my insurance then to see what is covered.

I feel like it's one of those things that therapy *might* be a bit overkill or waste? When maybe what he needs is just a playgroup or some playdates with similar children?

ps this sounds a bit like my childhood too, and it's too bad. You are right, the difference of simple acknowledgement (and an atmosphere of non-fear towards it) makes all the difference in the world. I have emotional issues that I wouldn't have because of fear/taboo issues my parents possessed (and their lack of realizing my spd). I hope your nephew is able to have more guidance and comfort growing up.

Yah. There's lots of talk about the importance of early identification. And I don't want to knock that, but it has its limits. Most of those studies out there are about kids with significant needs, or kids who are living in poverty. If his special needs are relatively minor, you have a good enough home environment, he's learning and growing, and he's a relatively happy kid, the results of early intervention aren't going to be dramatic as you read about. Its not going to change who he is as a human being.

If you live in the US, most schools have early identification programs so they can decide who to give special needs nursery school to. I can't promise anything in your area, but the programs I know have been really desirable - high quality pre-school with all the therapies the kids need right there. So, if you are willing to wait a bit, you can ask to have him evaluated by that program. To do this in my area, you contact the local elementary school, which will help you make an appointment. Honestly, based on what you wrote here, I'm not sure whether or not he would be granted access. Sometimes, kids who are perfectly able but have a speech delay get in. Kids at that age could care less about the stigma attached to special needs classrooms.

A lot of more able kids are more like me. They aren't going to "bottom out" until 2nd grade. That would be a good time to watch him closely for signs that the stress is getting to him, and a good time to take it seriously if he's not happy in school. That way, it won't have to be such a hard time for him before he gets any help.