Need help--- is this normal?

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I've been trying to figure myself out for a long time, and somehow I've been led here as a result of an exboyfriend who told me i have characteristics of someone with Asperger's. Maybe someone here can help me or let me know if i can finally put a finger on it and why i always feel "outside". I am feeling kinda blue at the moment. I get this way sometimes on my own without any help, but tonight i am once again reminded that i am not one of "them". That i am different. A square peg in a round hole.

I have never felt like other people. I have always felt different. I could remember feeling this way even as a kid--- i was always very awkward socially and it felt like i was an alien from another planet studying a new type of being. Other kids liked other things and even when i tried to join them, to be like them it was like a bad copy on crinkly paper. i often was on the outside and therefore often did things alone that did not require others or social graces, like drawing. I was also quite shy as a kid, because i knew i was different and getting loud usually just drew attention to that and so i was an easy target for bullies and ridicule.

As i got older i grew to care less about whether people accepted me or not. My shyness dissipated and i just let go. I just let out whatever was (and is) on my mind. Of course, as liberating as this sounds, it kinda made things bad in other ways. Being an odd kid is one thing, but being an odd adult will get you more than pointing fingers from nasty kids. I'm having problems at my job. This has happened before.

I can control my real self and pretend to be like regular people to an extent and for a short time--- long enough to get through things like a job interview or short get-togethers. But it can't stay hidden for long, and soon people think i'm strange and once again i'm outside the circle.

I don't know what to call myself--- i do admit i am unlike anyone i know. It can be very lonely here, since i am an island unto myself. I still am often by myself, and when i get with other people i don't often feel that "connection" with them like other people do. They are foreign to me.

People consider me VERY eccentric. I have strong fascinations and likes (some people call me obsessed), the foremost being Oldsmobiles and anything to do with them. I bought one and so now i can see mine every day... it makes better company than most humans i know. I would rather watch educational television than primetime TV, most of which i find boring, dull and even insulting. I like routine, especially at work. I can get flustered easily when one thing gets changed. It stresses me out ( though spontainiety in my personal life can be nice, if good things happen). I have difficulty remembering people--- i will remember things they DO and even their phone numbers, but i will see them after meeting them repeatedly and not remember their face. I'm not overtly good with names either but i remember their names more often than their faces. It takes seeing people every day and being with them often to cement their image in my head. Strangley enough, i can remember every Oldsmobile i've ever seen and where i'd seen it.

Sometimes i wouldn't mind being on an empty road with no other people, just me and my Oldsmobile, driving far away from people. I don't "get" them. I can't be like them, i can't fit in, i can't meld.

I wish i had all the positive characteristics of the Oldsmobile 4-4-2 that i love so much. I wish i were strong, enduring, beautiful, classic, fast, reliable, popular but able to melt in the background when needed... i wish to feel like everyone else, if only for a day. Otherwise, I'd rather be alone than to constantly try to fit in and fail. Can somebody out there tell me if I came to the right place?

Welcome,yep,sounds like AS,keep reading about it ,lots of stuff on line and several books.You are not alone.Nothing you wrote(OK,maybe the Oldsmobile obsession)could not have been written by many people here.

Sorry to hear about the job.Work is the one thing I always have problems with...not the work,the people.I was so cnvinced I was an alien as a kid I actually had a planet name....Krexafax(thus,the nic).Hope you like it here.You may want to head to Dino Cafe...there are many adults here who never knew they had AS when growing up,you are not alone(unless you want to be,lol)

You sound aspie to me. As I read the beginning I thought that you might have a few problems with socialisation like me. But Krex can recognise the aspergers traits. Of course getting a handle on what the condition is that makes you feel the way you do could speed up official diagnosis.

All I had was an imaginary friend. A whole planet? Wow!

You have come to the right place, Skahtic Good luck.

Welcome, Skahthic! It looks like you'll feel at home here. You sound like a lot of us

Hi & welcome! Yes, you might have Asperger's. There are good info pages available and a pretty cool online 'self-diagnostic,' so there's plenty out there in terms of information.

Except for the Oldsmobiles, I could have written that.

Thanks. I recall taking some tests when i was little and this is some time ago, but my mom said that the results came out that i was bright, but different. I don't know what that even means and i don't think she can remember. I wouldn't know how to get a hold of something that old, if it still even exists. My mom did say she had to argue with the nuns to get me there (Catholic school) partly due to these tests. If the tests said i was bright, then why would the nuns have a problem with me or some tests? The only way to get any kind of real closure on this would be to see a doctor and all--- but they cost alot of $$$ and I would rather put that money into my own pursuits, like my car or something along those lines. Maybe one day i will, but for now at least i feel closer to knowing more about myself than i did before. Thanks.

skahthic,

YEP, you DO sound AS! The nuns might have had problems because AS people are in some cases TOO bright, and in others not bright enough(or rather don't think about it). They might have not known what to make of you, had prejudices, thought you would be a disturbance, or whatever.

AS people tend to correct people on some things, may start talking too loud, etc... NOT what nuns want.

Steve

We're all on the wrong planet.

HA HA HA, that was a horrible joke.
Welcome.

You sound pretty AS to me.

COOL! Another Olds fan! My favorite being the Toronado... VERY ahead of it's time! Mom had an Oldsmobile Omega (Chevy Nova clone) when I was young. Dad had one of those diesel station wagons. It was actually a very good car despite the problems others had. Oldsmobile was the first to receive much of GM's technology back in the mid-century before other manufacturers had it.

This really is making me feel alot better--- I've gone into practical speeches about Oldsmobiles to anyone who would happen to be nearby, from growing up near the Linden GM-Oldsmobile plant to getting my Olds to how Olds was the first in many areas ( first American car to use airbags-- Toronado-- in 1974). I guess i don't know sometimes when I've overdone it and i guess people do tire of me sometimes. I won't realize it until it's too late, though, and i'm standing alone. I guess my interests tend to ignite a passion in me. But then again, I have to listen to co-workers drone on about their kids and personal lives and stuff which in no way interests me. Oh well.