Am I setting myself up for failure?

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Hi everyone
So I'm currently 17, but I'm already thinking about my future - when I'll be moving out, getting a job, etc.
I've always sort of hated the town I live and have grown up in. I think it's mainly because I don't have any good memories connected to it. I don't feel like it's "my home".
So basically, ever since I was a child, I've said to my parents that I wanted to live in a big city, far away, when I grew up. That was before I knew I had aspergers/HFA and became aware of the challenges it might cause me. However, to this day, I still dream of living all different kind of places in the world; London, NYC, maybe even L.A.

Now, all of these cities are in foreign countries for me. I've been to London before, but I've never been to the US.
The thing that worries me is that I might not be able to follow these dreams - that I'm setting myself up for failure.
When I think about it, it really does sound crazy. Me, leaving my family, moving to a foreign country - where if I know myself - I will still have difficulty making friends and other social connections. What if I end up entirely alone? Am I gonna spend my whole life alone?
I'm also concerned about the sensory issues - It's ironic because I actually don't find being in big cities all that enjoyable, due to the noises, smells, etc. But then again, I'm from a small quiet town. Maybe I just have to get used to it?
Anyway, then there's my anxiety issues. What if I can't handle being by myself? What if something bad were to happen to me, and I was all alone, far away from my family back at home?

So.. There's a lot of cons to my decision about whether or not I should eventually move to a foreign country by myself. However it's still my dream and have been for most of my life. Just the thought of starting over, somewhere new, is really appealing to me. But also the culture, language, etc. And I honestly fear I'll become even more depressed, if I have to spend the rest of my life the boing place where I live now.

Any advice? Thoughts? Or experiences you'd like to share? I'm sort of lost here. Is my dream even possible?
I think one of my biggest fears, is that my diagnosis will get in the way of what I really want in life.

I've lived in New York City all my life. There are some glamorous aspects to it, and not-so-glamorous aspects.

Manhattan is almost impossible to live in south of 110th Street--unless you are a lawyer, doctor, IT specialist, etc. Some parts of Brooklyn are the same. Outer Queens, though, even places near to a convenient bus, you can get decent housing values. The taxes aren't as great in NYC as they are in surrounding suburban areas.

The cost of living is quite high--especially when it comes to housing. What you get for your money is really lower-quality than most places Food is relatively cheap in supermarkets, not-so-cheap in inner-city bodega/deli type places. In order to buy in bulk, you really have to own a car. The exception, again, is Outer Queens, especially north of Hillside Avenue. South of Hillside in Outer Queens is not especially nice in many places.

It's very difficult to maintain a car in NYC--it gets easier once you get to outer Queens, though. It's much easier if there's no "alternate side of the street parking." Insurance rates are high, especially for young people. And higher the more "inner city" the neighborhood is. Outer Queens has suburban-type car insurance rates.

Please, please, do make the attempt to follow your dreams.

One of my dreams, truthfully, is to live in the UK in my retirement. I like many aspects of it.

But for young people, the US might be better.

In LA, you have to have a car in order to survive there. The public transport system is getting better. You don't have to have a car in most parts of NYC--though, in outer Queens, a car would be of great assistance, and is easier to maintain. The cost of living is pretty close to that of NYC. The air can get smoggy in LA. And the water situation really sucks there.

I've felt the same as you do for a long time. Since I was around 17, and I'm now 27. So in those two years I've taken a lot of steps to distance myself from where I grew up, I phased all of my friends out of my life, and moved away from where I grew up. I still live in the same county, Dorset, but no where near where I grew up. I've gone back to Uni and plan to get the grades I need to get access to another country. I plan on either Canada or Switzerland.

However, I have talked about my plans with others, both friends, family, counsellors and psychologists. I've also spoken at length with Brits who have moved to Canada or Switzerland and how they found it. Some key lessons I can tell you are these: -

- You take yourself with you. So any social issues and bad experiences you've had, you may be likely to repeat again. It's harder in a foreign country, where suddenly you feel very alone and far from anywhere you knew.

- You'll be treated as a foreigner. This can be a bonus for us with autism etc. As others won't think we are odd, they'll simply put all of our peculiarities under the "he/she's a foreigner" label. So we can be ourselves a little bit more and people will be more accepting and just think it's cultural differences.

- The grass isn't greener on the other side. Don't pin all your hopes on moving away, and it won't be as great as you think. The honeymoon period will wear off quickly and you might suddenly feel homesick and regret it.

- At some point something bad will happen and you'll wish you didn't move away. Then the "home" you ran away from will suddenly seem as if it wasn't as bad as you thought.

Despite all of this, I still plan to move away. But I'm going with my eyes wide open, knowing full well that I will go through the above. I have researched good countries, which meet all of my desired qualities, and life should statistically be much better than in the UK.

Hope this helps.

There is a saying to the effect that life is what happens, while you are still waiting.

We busy ourselves with dayjobs, paying our dues, and settle for less. I have found it somewhat impossible to focus, at times, for not being single-minded.

Whether you fail or succeed, it is legitimate to judge people, places, and working conditions, in respect to your goals for yourself. Selfishness can be a virtue, provided that it is an intentional, grounded, results-oriented sort of selfishness.

I feel like I should have a lot to say on this. I grew up in a small town in rural Australia, and now I live in San Francisco (and I was in L.A. for a few months before that plus a lot of time spent in Tokyo).

I moved away and lived on my own first to attend university when I was 16. At the end of that I spent all of my savings and went to visit some people in the USA. For the 10 years following that, I worked my ass off in various jobs to
1) prove that i could hold down a job and live independantly (it was in another city from my family)
2) save money (you'll need lots of this)

The first thing you'll find if you manage to move to another country is that it is expensive (particularly in the USA). With no local credit score, you'll find that you have to pay for everything up-front. And I don't just mean buying things. To rent an apartment, i had to pay 2 months rent as a security deposit. To get electricity and internet connected, i had to pre-pay ~$300 or so for each before they would open accounts. No credit cards, and no financing on anything. Expect to be taking the bus everywhere.

That is without anything even going wrong. With no family or friends in a new country (you'll make some eventually but for the first while, you might find yourself entirely alone), you'll have to take care of literally everything yourself. Need to move a sofa? Work out how to move it yourself or find out if you can pay someone. Even finding out the correct name for things or the stores to get them can be hard without some local knowledge. Any kind of medical issue here and you'll find a system explicitly designed not to support foreigners, get very good insurance.

Useful visas can be reasonably difficult to get. Maybe working for a multinational company who is happy to relocate their employees? Otherwise, be so awesome at whatever it is you do that someone hires you for a role they are unable to fill locally.

So I guess this is good and bad news. It's possible, but it is very hard in all kinds of surprising and unexpected ways.
If you have more questions or would like more specific information just reply here. I'll monitor the thread for a few days.

In some parts of NYC, even with an 800 credit score, you still have to give two months rent in advance.

Thanks for the advice everyone! Yeah, it'd probably be better, if I got my first apartment somewhere close to home. For a start at least! It's great hearing from people who clearly know about this topic. Oh, and yes - the money is probably gonna be a bit tricky for me. Lets just hope I'll for manage to find a decent job then!

I would say neighbors should be your priority in making friends. That way, they'll look out for you, while you look out for them.

Be careful life in the big city might not be what you expect.

I've lived in the Big City all my life.

If you don't try to find trouble, trouble usually won't find you.

At the young age of 17 and thinking of these things....you are not setting yourself up for failure. If anything, it sounds like you starting to create a map. Leaving home at a young age can be tough, but with your interests and skill sets you'll be able to branch out and find employment, maybe university, then opportunities will come and go, some you'll take, some you won't. You'll meet people along the way and as long as you maintain the idea of living abroad you will make decisions along the way that will facilitate that. So maybe it will be NYC in your thirties, Rome in your forties, Luxembourg in your fifties; whatever cities you want to put on the map.

Failure is an opportunity to learn....nothing more. I would say, know yourself and your limits, be realistic, develop your passions, develop patience, and see the world in what ever capacity you see fit.

Remember, if the city is too much, there is always the suburbs.

Kind Regards