Do you live in 'the now' and forget about 'the before'?

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I was wondering if anyone else does this kind of thing. It seems for me that what my life is now, and how I feel now, think now... is the only way I have ever been or felt or thought. It is as though I completely forget about other times when I have been different, that is until something reminds me of before. Then I have that, oh yeah, moment where I remember... but it still feels vague and detached to me.

One example would be how I have not had a meltdown or major shutdown in what seems to be forever. I have had a decent handle lately on my stress and coping techniques, so it has been a good amount of time incident free for me. Because of that, I just forget that it is not always like this for me... until I see a topic here or some other thing that reminds me of shutting down or melting down. Then I remember, oh yeah, that happens to me, doesn't it. But just because I understand that I do that sometimes, it still doesn't really feel real because it is not my current reality.

Sometimes this is helpful like when it comes down to, for example, having a disagreement with my spouse because if he did something accidental that ended up not being nice or being problematic or whatever... I don't hold a grudge or anything, because as soon as that issue has been resolved, it is as though it never happened.

On the other hand, it disturbs me because it lands me in a place where I feel consistently inconsistent. It can also be problematic because when an issue of any sort arises, I struggle with it as though it is a new issue all over again for awhile until it becomes the new normal (even if the new is really an old, life long normal).

So... if that made any sense at all... can anyone relate?

I had to work hard at being more in the present. I used to be overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment about mistakes I had made in the past. I used to obsessively fantasize about going back in time to fix what I had done wrong.

Through cognitive therapy and mindfulness practice I am more in the present and feel much better. I do sometimes completely lose my memory of a recent event, leaving me disoriented when someone brings it up.

I'm definitely the opposite. I replay every little event from my past and the memories are so vivid that I feel like they were just yesterday.

Actually I do dwell on my past a lot. I often panic because I never had any school friends to stay round my house over night, and every kid has had friends to stay at some point, except for kids with severe neurological conditions, or kids with strict parents, bad upbringing, etc. But I only had mild AS, and so I wasn't unable to make friends, and I had a decent and ordinary home life and family.

I slept at a friend's place once, when I was 15, but not before.

Other things from my childhood affects me now. When I was little I had teachers that confronted me a lot, because whatever went wrong in the classroom, I was blamed, even if it wasn't my fault, and they also shouted at me for not paying attention or not sitting still. So that made me feel that I was hated by teachers. Now as an adult I am terrified of confrontation, and if I feel my boss doesn't like me or has told me off about something, even if it's in a professional way, I still get severely emotionally affected by it.

No I find that very hard to achieve. I vividly remember so many things from my life that it doesn't take much for me to relive stuff without even trying, and when you have that in your wiring, it's very hard to let go of past hurts, sadness, embarrassment, shame, rejections, as well as good stuff.

Something can come up from literally 30 years ago and I still feel the emotions. I have to work hard to get away from it. A lot of stuff from the past still affects me to one extent or another, and yes I've worked on this, it's not that I haven't. Therapy, everything.

Not to say I live like that 24/7 -- that's not how it is. But WHEN stuff comes back up, there it is.

Thank you all for your responses. Also, sorry that past events are replayed with such intensity.

I'm guessing this is just a me thing then. As odd as this might sound, it seems like an emotional/past version of executive dysfucntion. Past crap is just as gone to me sometimes as the ability to remember to buy those stupid light bulbs at the store I keep forgetting... or the bills I keep forgetting to put in the mail box even though I finally remembered the damn money orders. Maybe I am just forgetful on many, many levels.

Somehow I can relate.

My experiences are a bit inversed to yours.
I used to have meltdowns and shut downs. I used to be anxious and depressed. I used to be an all-or-nothing. I used to be overwhelmed and constantly trying to cope with chaos. I used to envy NTs. I used to be socially awkward and avoidant.

All of that was in short less than 5 years gap.

Now I don't. I don't seek accommodations anymore.
I don't feel bitter towards NTs, for they at worst are annoying but still as confusing. I'm asocial, but not antisocial. I'm an ambivert than an introvert. I can handle chaos than just baring with it.
I have no long term anxiety, and I don't become depressed on long terms. I got over things too quickly. Even criticisms.

So... My experiences at my worst years felt like a lifetime.
But I don't forget how or why. I don't forget all my once coping techniques and mechanisms. But it almost feel like it's nonexistent.
Biggest downside is that I don't end up with sadness, I end up with annoyance. So I practically forgot the feeling in the past.

I don't regret waiting or wasting 2 years of my life isolating myself and not getting out of the house. I don't regret that I stopped school and almost not talking all together. I don't regret my leaping decision either.

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I live in the now and remember before.

I'm not sure I've ever forgotten anything at all. Good, bad, whatever. There has been so much information and I have taken it all in, whether I wanted to or not. And I continue to, whether I want to or not.

I see it all, hear it all, do it all in my mind at least. That's why even at my age, I believe I've experienced more than enough. Much more than most others probably even can. But since I'm doing all right, I suppose I'll just keep on experiencing it for a while longer. Whether I really want to or not.

I do kind of feel like my past self is "not really me" or something like that a lot, thinking about my past mistakes it's less like "I was such an idiot" and more like "That guy was such an idiot". Is that the kind of thing you are talking about?

i am very much in the now and future. i quickly move on to new things and new interests. i am also adhd. i tend to compartmentalize my past and especially bury the uncomfortable stuff. i love denial. i also tend to take an identity of what i am doing currently.

I can sort of relate. It's actually something that I've been aware of for a very long time, yet still can't figure out quite how to describe. I think of it as almost having a memory impairment that relates solely to feelings/emotions. I often find that I have trouble remember how I felt in a different state.

The best example I can give is when I'm sick. Most of the time, when I'm sick I can't seem to recall what it's like to feel well. When I'm not feeling sick I have trouble remembering what it's like to feel sick. This has caused serious problems when dealing with doctors and trying to describe issues that are recurring but not constant. I've actually had to resort to writing down notes/descriptions when I'm not feeling well so that I can remember what to tell the doctor.

On the other hand, it does NOT affect my ability to hold a grudge and such. I definitely do dwell on things that other's have done to me and I don't forgive or forget.

The before is a place that I never wish to return to ever again. So yes, I try to forget it.

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Ya, I'm weird like that...

I still struggle putting past events behind me, even the smallest of things.

I've noticed that I've improved on this a little bit, but not by much.

i do have a horrible memory. and a hard time with cronoligical order of memories i do have which can be confusing. i tend to forget with what and how i struggle with life specifics and then get a depressing/jolting reminder. like being jobless relationshipless for a long time and forgetting why untill i put myself out there again. haha. is that what u mean?