I Want to give a 13 year old girl good advise

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ehymw
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22 Sep 2016, 1:11 am

Me and her mother had a relationship that is likely over.

I continue to care about her though and worry about her daughter who's father is an almost entirely worthless drunk who hasn't lived with either of them in years.

I need sound byte size advise for her since I may not being seeing her again after this weekend.



dcj123
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22 Sep 2016, 1:21 am

Just personally,

I would not touch this socially with a ten foot pole, if the relationship is over with her mother it is very likely any communication with her will be taken in a very wrong way. Avoid at all cost, if you have known her for a while then maybe you can have some kind of relationship with her as an adult. Still regardless of how long you have known her, her loyalty is going to be with her mother. Anything you say to her will probably be twisted into what "that man" said.

Sad but probably true,

That is my opinion anyway, I am not great at social situations but I would say as little as I could to her.



SaveFerris
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22 Sep 2016, 7:34 am

As she is 13 I would let her mum decide if you could continue a paternal relationship.

Your parting gift should be words of wisdom - something encouraging and positive but don't be negative about her father


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somanyspoons
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22 Sep 2016, 7:48 am

Agreed. Tell her that you care about her. Let her know you won't forget about her. But you aren't going to be changing her life by saying any parting words that are so meaningful that it rocks her world to the core. Just let her know you care and you are open to her contacting you if she ever wants to.

13 year-olds are going through a lot of changes. Her response might be anything. Just let her be, what ever comes. A lot of kids this age get snarky and defensive when feeling sadness. Its just the age. Tell her you care, let her know that you would love to hear from her in the future, let it go.

I wonder if you and her mother have talked at all about the possibility of your retaining some limited role in her life. You know - birthday cards and the occasional trip out for icecream. I don't know if that applies to your situation, but it might be worth talking to her mom about that.



Fnord
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22 Sep 2016, 8:58 am

Walk away, and never look back. She is not your responsibility.

The last thing you want is for the mother of an under-age girl to become suspicious of your intentions, and to accuse you of "grooming" the girl for future exploitation by "poisoning her mind". In other words, any interest from you towards the girl could be misconstrued as pedophilic attraction.

If you feel that there is some need to intervene, then leave it up to Child Welfare Services - that's their job, not yours. They can do much more than just give advice, and they can do it legally.



Chichikov
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22 Sep 2016, 4:45 pm

Trying to poison you ex's daughter against her biological father....what could possibly go wrong....



Last edited by Chichikov on 22 Sep 2016, 6:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ehymw
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22 Sep 2016, 6:27 pm

Jez.

Her mom and I were planning to do something together and bring her along.

I leave no chance of any suspicion.

What's more when it comes to sex her mom knows I have control on par with monks.