just got the official diagnosis

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Aloha Everyone

I just got my official diagnosis last week. I have know that this is correct for awhile, but it has left me in an odd place emotionally.

I constantly struggle to fit into the world and part of me just wants to not have to do it any more.

I am also very angry at my parents for not doing something earlier. I was just functioning enough that people thought I was stupid not that I had a problem.


I look back at my childhood and wonder what the hell they were doing.

Congratulations!

Aloha

I do not know you, your parents or your ages but to generalize it is likely when they grew up knowledge of autism was much more limited then today. If they grew up before 1988 they grew up at a time when for the most part only "severe" cases were diagnosed and even most of these cases were misdiagnosed. Even after 1988 public knowledge was limited to the "Rain man" stereotype. But that was then this is now, so the question is why were they not up to date enough to get you help? They were busy with the day to day job of working and raising a family. Autism has been in the news a lot lately but so has a lot of other conditions. We are in an era of continual media panics about diseases Zika this year, Elboa last year etc it becomes easy to be overwhemed and tune it all out.

I did not get diagnosed until age 55 and a lot of mistakes were made by me, my parents, my educators, my employers due to lack of knowledge. In my parents case they did the best they could working with absolutely no knowledge of what was going on with me. How can I be angry at them?

I finished, not graduated, high school in 1990, so there was some awareness by then

My parents just gave up. They knew I was different, but instead of asking why, they just walked away from the whole issue.

There was no questioning, no seeking help. I was just left to either find my own way or die trying.

When I graduated college, all my relatives were "so proud of you", and it pissed me off, because they weren't there when I was homeless, when I tried to kill myself or when I was in jail, but when I finally did something good they were there to feel good about how well THEY did getting me "raised up."

I am still working on getting an official diagnosis, but my psychologist said, it is nearly a certainty. Although this potentially answers allot of questions, it also opens a nasty can of worms. I find myself angerier than usual, I feel shellshocked. I am confused, and everything up until this point feels like a lie. I feel resentful, I have always had self-doubt and insecurity, but recently it is of the charts. I don't even know where to start, internet resources only feed the chaos. I'm struggling with who to tell. I work in a high stress competitive workplace, sometimes I think I should just quit (all the research suggests don't belong in a restaurant kitchen), or maybe if telling my boss would make me too vulnerable... On the other hand, like I said, this info had the potential to explain alot alot alot!! !

I was diagnosed as an adult I don't really feel any resentment for it not been picked up when I was younger. Im not really that old 30's but i think awareness back then was not what it is now. I'm glad things have moved on and parents, schools etc are now more aware.

[quote="TheJadedChef1975"I find myself angerier than usual, I feel shellshocked. I am confused, and everything up until this point feels like a lie. I feel resentful, I have always had self-doubt and insecurity, but recently it is of the charts.-----I'm struggling with who to tell. I work in a high stress competitive workplace, sometimes I think I should just quit (all the research suggests don't belong in a restaurant kitchen), or maybe if telling my boss would make me too vulnerable... On the other hand, like I said, this info had the potential to explain alot alot alot!! ![/quote]


This is very similar to where I am at. I am a program manager of one of the largest national parks in the nation and it is very political.

I also feel like if I had known earlier, I wouldn't have had to spend so many years pounding my head against a wall, that I didn't even know was there.

At least for you, diagnosis was met with maturity & perspective. Imagine receiving it when it feels like everyone around you only wants to put you down and tell you one more thing that's "wrong" with you.

Maybe later timing wouldn't have been so critical in your case, but it's fortunate that you're wise enough to make better use of the information.