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lazyflower
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15 Sep 2016, 1:12 pm

I've always wanted to have children some day, but I'm also sort of frightened by the thought.

When I found out, I was on the autism spectrum, I obviously started to wonder if my children would be too. I know that autism is often inheritable, and I think I might have inherited it from my dad. He doesn't have an official diagnosis, and I'm not even sure if he'd even get one - but he definitely has some of the symptoms.

So, if I were to have children one day, would they have autism or be neurotypical? What are the odds? Also, if it's inheritable, does that mean you inherit your parents exact degree/severity of the autism? Like, I'm at the end of the spectrum, and very high-functioning - would my child be like that as well? Or could it turn out to be more severely autistic?If I did get my autism from my dad, I certainly got his degree of it. We think very similar.

It's not that I don't want to have children, because they might have autism - but I know the challenges that it has caused me through-out my life, and how much it have sucked to me personally. I just wouldn't want them to go through that..

Another thing is: am I even capable of being a good parent and not become overwhelmed/stressed by having children? I know it's obviously super exhausting, so I wonder if it'd be a good idea, since I'm so sensitive to stimuli.

However, despite these challenges, I do still want children someday. Maybe. Haha, let's see.

Does any of you already have children? I'm very interested in hearing your stories!
And if you don't have children, do you want them? Why, why not, etc.



Last edited by lazyflower on 15 Sep 2016, 1:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jute
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15 Sep 2016, 1:23 pm

I don't have any children and I don't want any children. I don't want the responsibilty or the expense. I prefer solitude and silence, which I wouldn't have with children present.


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Joe90
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15 Sep 2016, 1:41 pm

I want a baby, but I don't want it to be on the spectrum, or have any other non-NT condition. I want my child to be neurotypical.

I don't know if having a parent on the spectrum does give more chance of the baby having an ASD or not. Judging by the high number of Aspie parents on WP who say one or more of their children have an ASD, it seems that the chances of having an ASD child is high for us. :(


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15 Sep 2016, 1:42 pm

I wanted children before, but now I see I cant take care of my self an the clock time is running out. But I am an aunt



FluttercordAspie93
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15 Sep 2016, 1:52 pm

I'd like to have a child or two, but this kind of worries me sometimes, too.

But in the end, no matter what, I'm willing to accept it.

Pretty sure neither of my parents have ASD, but ADHD does run in my family.


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TheSilentOne
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15 Sep 2016, 1:54 pm

I don't think I want kids ever. Actually, I've been told medically I can't have kids.


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Darmok
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15 Sep 2016, 2:01 pm

Yes, I do.


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JakeASD
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15 Sep 2016, 2:07 pm

If I were to have a child with someone, I would hope that he or she would not be on the spectrum.

Whilst I do not want to infer that autism is some form of malignant disease which makes one utterly hopeless, unless you are blessed with intellectual gifts or possess an intense interest in something meaningful, I believe the cons far outweigh the pros.


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ArielsSong
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15 Sep 2016, 3:10 pm

I have a toddler.

I didn't know I was autistic when she was born. She actually led me to my own journey of self-discovery.

I don't know if she's autistic or NT. My personal belief is that she's going to turn out to be on the spectrum, whilst my husband doesn't believe so and thinks I'm seeing things that aren't there, but either way we will work with it as it happens.

If she is autistic, she isn't exactly like me. Honestly, I don't know how the genetic inheritance truly works, but whilst I'm under-sensitive she seems to be over-sensitive. I need as much noise as possible to be relaxed, including very loud music, whilst she has a lot of issues with sound and needs ear defenders or to be removed from a situation involving sound - I have to mute the TV whenever a robot speaks, for example, because the sound bothers her, and we have to get her ear defenders out if a rubbish (garbage) truck passes us in the street. Equally, I require pressure as much as possible whilst she seems to have issues with light touch - her socks bother her, and if I knock her with a wire whilst I'm drying her hair then she doesn't like that.

Both of us get sensory overload in crowded places, resulting in meltdowns or shutdowns. I'd say that's to a similar level, but I have the benefit of internalising better (I don't know what I was like at her age).

I'd say we're at a similar level but with different mixes of traits. She's certainly high functioning at this stage, if she is autistic. But I genuinely don't understand enough to know if she could have 'inherited autism' but with some opposite traits to mine.

Regarding your concerns about 'I know the challenges and wouldn't want them to go through that'. As my husband pointed out to me, it is not going to be the same. Our children have the benefit of our experience and support. We can be the more accepting and understanding parents if our children do have autism, because we know how they feel. With a strong parent behind them, helping to adapt their world to their needs, they do not have to face a constant struggle.

About the capability of being a good parent? I can't say. I can say that I am confident that I'm a great parent. I have my autism-related issues, but they are SO far outweighed by all of the things that I am amazing at. I'm not perfect, but no parent is, and our children will learn from us how to be understanding of differences. If you can show a mature way of working through the difficulties you face in life, there is no better way to raise your child.

Obviously I can't know all of the individual difficulties that you face personally, but I will say this.

Everyone worries about being a good parent. That's only natural. And in fact, of all of the parents I know I'm the one that worries about it least. Whilst others are worried about what the books say, what other people will think, what the latest guidance tells them, what they 'should' be doing, I do all of my parenting by intuition. Nothing factors in to any of my parenting other than 'How does this affect my child? What's best for HER?'. As a result, I constantly see other parents concerned about things that have never been an issue for me at all. I have never had to think about how to do things or what to do next, because my daughter has communicated all of that from the moment that she was born. And she's doing exceptionally well, as a result.



mikeman7918
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15 Sep 2016, 3:15 pm

If I do raise kids then they will likely be adopted, and I don't think I will even do that. If I end up in a relationship then my partner might be able to change my mind if they tried, but I'd rather not have to deal with that.


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marcb0t
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15 Sep 2016, 4:14 pm

I would like children someday. I love kids, and would probably spoil them rotten, if I didn't have the cross in my life.

I hope to have a spouse who feels the same way someday. :heart:


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hellhole
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15 Sep 2016, 4:48 pm

Nah. No point in being weighed down in life. Still I may actually end up farthing kids, because I need to "carry on the family" and s**t.


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nikkiDT
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15 Sep 2016, 7:35 pm

Yes, I want children very much. I've always wanted to be a mommy.

But I'm not ready.



beakybird
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15 Sep 2016, 7:48 pm

Never, ever, ever do I want children. To me personally for my own life I view it as akin to getting cancer. That's not how I feel about other people, but for me it would end my life.



yelekam
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15 Sep 2016, 8:54 pm

yes, I would like to have children someday. I myself am hopeful of the possibility of having a child on the spectrum. Though I would be fine whether they are or not.