"I've coped well with my AS." What does this mean

Post Reply New Topic

When someone says they have successfully coped with their AS, does that mean they live a completely normal life? Or that they have accepted that their lives will always be unusual and it doesn't bring them down?

One can say that I have successfully coped with whatever my problems are. I am employed in a good job (I'm overqualified for it but I'm fine with this). I drive a nice car. I rent a quaint little house and I'm very independent, as I've always been in my 35 years. I can socialize with little discomfort as long as it's short-lasting and simple. I'm able to socialize--I just don't enjoy it. I have obvious problems with disinhibition and movement, but they don't keep me from getting around and exercising, even in public. I have my hobbies and interests and have even turned them into altruistic endeavors.

The only thing is that I don't have friends or strong connections with family. I have never had a crush on anyone or had a romantic relationship. I'm also very alexithymic and lack empathy. Both of these things make me vulnerable to depression and demoralization. This is why I'm in therapy.

Am I coping successfully?

Welcome to WP.

Sounds to me as if you are coping well, but also experience many challenges in day to day living, and need regular support from some kind of outside source (which presumably you currently get through your therapist).

I do not think these things are mutually exclusive.

I think many people with AS can cope well, but benefit from help and assistance to do so, and from tailoring their work-life-balance to meet their strengths and weaknesses.

Do you feel you are coping successfully?

EDIT
I think acceptance of your strengths and weaknesses can be very important too. I have always wanted to be competent and capable, it's been important to be me to work at my best as far as possible. I've had counselling to help me adapt to managing a physical condition. My psychologist said to me "You can be competent and capable AND have limitations" quite recently - this was a revelation to me.

Everyone wants to be happy and healthy.

An uber social NT may be unhealthy and unhappy

An isolated aspie may be happy and healthy

To me, success=happy and healthy

re opinion:

One who performs correct (virtuous) judgments and actions as part of the world-order experiences contentment (eudaimonia) and good feelings (eupatheia).

Pain is slight if opinion has added nothing to it; ... in thinking it slight, you will make it slight. Everything depends on opinion; ambition, luxury, greed, hark back to opinion. It is according to opinion that we suffer. ... So let us also win the way to victory in all our struggles, - for the reward is ... virtue, steadfastness of soul, and a peace that is won for all time.
—Seneca, Wikisource-logo.svg Epistles, lxxviii. 13-16

However, rather than 'all in your mind' type commentaries as above, we aspies do need some interaction(and touch) with others to be happy

Paying a hooker, playing soccer, sitting in crowded cafes, sitting on crowded beaches, internet communities, all can serve that function, though a partner to love, touch and share life with is an ideal situation

Good point, I have a partner, and that is very important to my personal well-being; I guess some people might be happier on their own or with one or two close friends

I also could never do without some limited social contact with others than my partner altogether, even if it can be an effort to do this.

[edited to show quote properly]

Last edited by TalksToCats on 17 Jul 2012, 7:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

"Coped with" will mean the person is comfortable with the disorder they have. Coping has nothing to do with superficial trappings.

Only you can answer that - are you enjoying life? If yes, then I suppose you're "coping successfully." I don't know how others define "coping successfully" but I suppose that's how I'd define it - whether you like how things are going or not. Lots of us (meaning people with autism in general) don't have friends or have very few of them, myself included. Some of us are ok with that, even prefer being alone - others don't like it. Usually I prefer solitude, but now and then I do wish I had more friends.

I have 0-2 friends depending on how you'd define it. I interact with others often, and with a few groups of people regularly - people who take lessons from me, and people who are in bands with me. But I only talk to those people when it has something to do with band stuff or lesson stuff - I don't talk to anybody daily.

For me, it means that I've accepted the fact that I'm autistic and went on with my life to achieve the things that I wanted to.

I assume it means they have learned to manage their symptoms it no longer impairs them. It may still impair them but they are able to manage them when they are at work or with people or out in public but at home they may need to recharge themselves. I call that an impairment if they need to be themselves at home and be alone.

I am doing well in this singular moment. But I don't think I would be okay without my therapist's help. I hate this because my independence is a major part of my identity. But I don't feel like I can cope without her.

Then I think about how there are lots of people who are dependent on another person for happiness. That doesn't make them particularly fragile, right? So maybe I'm really no different from anyone else?



I don't know how I feel about friendship. I want to WANT friendship, because intellectually I know friends make for a healthy psyche. But I don't want the hassles of a friendship. Socializing hurts my brain. I don't feel the requisite feelings. But I want to be normal. So I vacillate all the time about what I want.

But yes, I enjoy my life when it is not complicated. As long as I can keep it like this, then I'm fine.

Success depends on where you started; if you're on a much better trajectory than you were on before, and doing better than anyone expected you to, then you're succeeding.
Lots of us are dead by your age, or institutionalized, or in jail, permanently unemployed, or on disability, etc.
By that yardstick, you're certainly a success!
I'd call you a success, and encourage you to work to be a happier one.

Well, the first half century I knew nothing of it. I got by. Now, I know my side, and my partner knows the other and the rest of the world still knows nothing. I get by. Were I not so tightly controlled I might scream or throw things but I get by