Having some issues with special interests...

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So I started working full time, and the job is nearly perfect. It's from 8 am to 5 pm, I'm all alone in a back office, and I spend all day organizing. There's little social contact, no pressure, etc. There's only one problem:

I have almost no time for special interests.

I get off of work, have dinner with my boyfriend, watch one episode of our current favorite show together, and then it's time for bed unless I want to be exhausted the next day. I love the routine, but it has cut out my time for my special interests and it causes me to feel so stressed out. My boyfriend is NT, and he doesn't quite understand why I'm suddenly depressed and stressed over it.

Does anyone else have this problem? Any advice?

Surely you can still fit in some time for you Special Interests at weekends? I'd assume that's what most working autistic people must do.

Yep, been there done that.

Losing your special interests is a serious problem and can lead to so much stress and thus even depression and a increase in melt- and shut-downs imho (and a lot of data) in most people on the spectrum. Spending time alone is so so crucial. Even NT's know the phrase 'me time'.

Does your BF knows anything about your needs? Or autism in general?

One thing that worked for us is alone time right after coming home from work. It's a 'hello hun & kiss' and then 10'-30'-1 hr of whatever activity that will help to make a transition from work time-me time-us time.

It's all about establishing some kind of routine that fits everyone. It takes some time and finetuning. But it is so important!

What do you do in the weekends?

Well, weekends are fairly difficult. We always say "Okay, we're staying in this weekend no matter what." However, the weekends end up being full of things like chores, friends, family, errands, church, etc. Plus I need time every day for special interests, otherwise my frustration builds up all week and I have a meltdown sometime during the weekend.

My boyfriend is learning more and more about ASD, and he loves "me time." We just have trouble finding a balance since he only recently moved to my city. In the past, I've appeared clingy or aloof because I couldn't figure out how much time he needed with me to feel loved, so I don't want to accidentally neglect him if I get absorbed in one of my interests.

Everything you do is at the price of something else that you don't do. It's basically a matter of prioritising and setting aside time for what is important to you. Nobody else can organise and juggle your various commitments, in a way that balances out your various needs and wants, except for yourself.

I feel something is getting lost in translation. My question there was: "How do I keep from getting caught up in a special interest and still make time for it? What has worked for other people?" I haven't yet found what works for me, and while everyone is different, there may be some good suggestions.

Your job sounds like an Aspie's dream! Little human contact on one hand and spending the day organizing on the other, what else could a person want?

I have two suggestions: As has already been mentioned, you have to set your priorities so that you get around to what you wanted to do on any given day. But for us on the spectrum, that's easier said than done. Its part of that executive function that gets tossed around here so much. I'm retired now but when I worked as a computer technician, where priorities seemed to change from one minute to the next, I learned to continually ask myself, "What is the most important thing I should be doing?" Priorities on the job mostly depend on the supervisor communicating them to staff members; BUT, A) the supervisor isn't always present and B) supervisors sometimes do a poor job of expressing their priorities. Still, at any given moment, you should have an appropriate answer to that question. Of course when you leave work for the day, you are free to make your own priorities (answers to the question) but you still need to frequently ask yourself, "Is this the most important/most urgent thing I should be doing now?" Set a time interval of say 15 minutes or 30 minutes, depending on how much time you have in the evening, maybe longer on the weekend, but the main thing is to keep posing the question.

The other suggestion has to do with your lunch hour. Of course you have to eat but that only takes 15 or 20 minutes. I suggest you get outdoors in the sunshine, weather permitting of course. Walking is good if you are in a location where you can do so. You get away from the office for a while, the brightness improves your outlook, you are absorbing/creating vitamin D, and if you do walk, getting a bit of exercise. Of course all the while, you can be thinking about your special interest, making plans, working out a solution to a snag you have encountered, etc. Not quite the same as actually doing that special interest, but close.

You will work things out, I'm sure. Just takes some time and patience.