Repressed Memories

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For a long time I've been aware that I have a few specific important memories that I can't access. In each case I can remember the details of the build-up to the situation, but not the situation itself. The memories are not from any defined period in my life (one from when I was 10, one from when I was 11, a few from my teens, another from when I was 20). I've tried meditating on them, and sort of 'asking' my brain about them, but to no avail; they're just blank.

I do have a theory that my mind goes elsewhere when confronted with new or excessively emotional situations. For example, one of the memories was this: we had to sit IQ and ability tests on our first week of high school (11yo). Two days after the test I was in chemistry class, and the lady who organised the tests came and asked if she could borrow me for a moment. The teacher let me go, and I remember going with the lady to her office; I remember I didn't know what it was about, but I wasn't too nervous because she seemed happy with me on the way there. The next thing I remember I was walking back into chemistry, and I sat next to my friend. He asked me what it was about, and I realised I didn't know - I couldn't remember. I haven't been able to remember since. I later learned that I'd scored very highly on the tests, so that must be what she spoke to me about, but I have never been able to remember that meeting since the moment it happened.

The experience is the same for all the memories, most of which are unfortunately negative. I know whether they are positive/negative from the context of the build-up, and how I felt afterwards, when I regained awareness and started making accessible memories.

I don't know if these are repressed memories, a form of dissociation, or if I never made the memories in the first place. I do tend to think of my brain as a filing system, so it's possible that if the 'filing' was interrupted (i.e. by emotions or trauma) that the data would be corrupted or inaccessible. I just wondered if this makes sense or is relatable to anybody else?

My mother has quite a few repressed memories from her childhood. Some of them involve possible sexual abuse. She thinks an uncle might have abused her; but she's not sure.

I believe she's had similar experiences to yours, Rachel. Perhaps because of the intensity of the "moment."

She's not autistic---but she might as well be. Autistic people like us, in general, tend to react more extremely to things.

That's sad for your mother. I think I might have repressed some unpleasant/traumatic memories too but I can't be sure (that's why I used one of the more positive examples).

It's not nice having part of my memory obviously missing, but maybe it protects me in a way? I don't know... I definitely think the intensity of the moment has something to do with it though, my memory is typically excellent down to the smallest details, but in these cases all I can remember are the vague emotions afterwards.

This is living proof that Freud was right about at least some things LOL

Haha, yes. If he was right about such memories still affecting us unconsciously, that's a troubling (but interesting) thought... It would certainly suggest that they're still in there somewhere, even though I can't get to them.

I would say this is almost definitely so. You do have memories which could have been repressed for whatever reason. It might not be for a negative reason, like you stated previously. It could even be neutral; maybe, at a point in time, there was just too much "going on."

I believe in this aspect of Freud.

I don't believe in all the Greek stuff (e.g., Oedipus Complex) he came up with, though LOL

I really hope it's not for a negative reason, although in one instance specifically I can't see it being anything but. The context I do remember is very troubling, but it probably doesn't do to dwell on it since I can't recover the gap.

Yes, some of Freud is dubious to say the least. Although I can't dismiss the whole Oedipus/Electra concept of psychology outright, I have had a few 'crushes' (hate that word) who were a little bit too much like my dad

And of course as I constantly analyse my own psychology, I'm almost immediately aware of the similarity, which makes it all the more interesting/awkward...

I get the feeling that the crushes aren't "Electral" at all. The full realization of the Electra Complex would be the murder of your mother (symbolically). Did you dislike any women who are around your crushes intensely?

These sorts of crushes happen to many women. The father is the "model man." You mentioned that he is rather a cold person, a person who is extremely demanding. Did the crushes exhibit these traits, as well as your father's physical traits? Do you dislike women who are very much like your mother (whom you seem to like)?

Let me emphasize: I'm no expert on Freud. I shouldn't have come on so strong about my disbelief in his Greek symbolism.

They're not fully 'Elektral', true, I don't feel threatened by or dislike other women in these cases.

Yes, they were older, similar physically to my father, and very cold/demanding of me. At the time I could see that I was forming an attraction because I've learned to look for the approval of men like this, who expect a lot of me, but I couldn't do anything to stop how I felt; I was just uncomfortably aware of why I felt it.


me neither, don't worry about it! I think it's generally acceptable to disbelieve a lot of his stuff these days

I do find there is lots to like about Freud, though.

I only wish Freud wasn't so stubborn. Imagine if all members of the 1909 Psychoanalytical Society (which consisted of Freud, Jung, and Adler among quite a few others) were able to formulate a unified theory?

There's definitely a lot to like about him. For example, I like how I was able to shoehorn him into one of my college essays for extra credit Thanks Freud!

Seriously though a unified theory would have been fascinating, but hard to attain even if all the members had been cooperative. The human mind is very weird after all!