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robnl
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22 Oct 2016, 12:47 pm

I test software for a living. I have responsibility to test a number of products at our company. I have one technician which is assigned to help me out in my testing. I have other technicians which are assigned to me from time to time. I have to deal with many different "bosses" giving me direction that are always trying to push me to do more. I have aspergers syndrome and have worked in this field for 19 years. I've had quite a few jobs, many for 3+ years, but always in the same line of work. I've had lots of issues with other employees and have learned a ton of things as to how to deal with people along the way. I've had therapy now for almost 14 years. I also have a wife and son.
I thought it would get easier as i learned more, but every weekend and every night I finish exhausted and try to cope and learn as fast as I can from the events of the past day/week. With the therapy, I feel like I'm just hanging on the edge of keeping it together. My anxiety goes through the roof and I eventually calm myself down for another day. People have no idea what I go through and I seriously had no idea how much more I go through than the average guy - I've had to give myself a break. It's sad too, when you realize how much more people expect of you because you're a little "off" and they usually avoid you.
Anyway, recently I'm being pushed by my therapist to accept that I'm going to be the rejected person in most every group. Even this is hard to do.
It's so exhausting. I've taken solice in religion for most of my life. It's attractive to just want to give up. I'm at the end of my rope it feels like most days but I do cope and learn a lot every day. It's just that I thought the end to this learning would result in some acceptance. But it's me that's having to do the acceptance that I'm going to be routinely rejected throughout my life.
My wife is supportive but she doesn't understand and her family is defensive. If you're Christian, please pray for me!



BeaArthur
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22 Oct 2016, 1:48 pm

Are you taking vacation time you have earned?


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shadowtag
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22 Oct 2016, 3:05 pm

That is a good question @BeaArthur, @Robnl is it at all possible for you to take some time away from your job for a time, sometimes a change of scenery coupled with any possible removal of the demanding expectations of the world around us can be very refreshing and quite necessary from time to time.

Also Robnl, do you happen to have a supportive church environment you might be able to go to or someone of likeminded faith to speak to, I am open to chat if you like.

I'm sure based on what you've described the exhaustion and anxiety could make giving up very attractive indeed, but perhaps it could be helpful to consider how far you've been granted to overcome, the fact that you have been able to cope with what has been mentioned sounds very commendable to me.

Try to take things one step at a time when you can and one day at a time whenever possible, (easier said than done I know...), try to focus on the particular task at hand and if it proves too daunting try dividing it into smaller sub-tasks/objectives, focusing on accomplishing one sub task at a time, with each one successfully accomplished you can build a sense of momentum until the overall task is completed and if you fail, start again where you can and take it one step at a time, one day at a time whenever possible.

BTW, I will definitely pray for you, for endurance, strength and a supportive environment.


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BeaArthur
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22 Oct 2016, 3:51 pm

shadowtag wrote:
... perhaps it could be helpful to consider how far you've been granted to overcome, the fact that you have been able to cope with what has been mentioned sounds very commendable to me.


Hear, hear. (Or is it here, here?)

Frequently we make the mistake of measuring our lives by the things we haven't achieved, and overlook all we have achieved.

Remember that many autistic people never hold a job at all, nor marry, nor have children, nor even live independently. Those who do are often so busy juggling too many balls in the air that they don't remember to account for how taxing that can be.


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BTDT
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22 Oct 2016, 4:42 pm

I think it is easy for aspies to get taken advantage of because we take things too literally.

With most jobs there are things that people will tell you either as a joke or as a wishful request--a normal person would know that you are suppose to do that (wink wink) but aspies may not.

An aspie doing too much is a real problem in many work situations--gives the boss leverage for asking more and animosity among the other workers who have no intention of working more or harder.