Therapy trouble

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So I have issues I want to work on, so I decided to go to therapy at the center where I was evaluated for autism. I started going there before I received my diagnosis because I feel aspects of autism has impacted my life negatively, and I want to learn how to compensate better/work around them if I can, and I thought a place specializing in autism was the right place to go.

In short, I feel like 75% of things I've said to him have been misinterpreted. The things he says back to me are similar, but they're not exact, and don't always mean what I said in the first place. Either he told the clinician doing my evaluation the goals we had set up during our first meeting were different than what they are, or the clinician misinterpreted him. But in our meeting since then he (the therapist) has made similar mistakes in describing my goals.

I feel that this man has done the same thing as therapists past, where he assumes that I'm just a fragile little child that needs to be protected and encouraged. He seems to think that my biggest problems are lack of assertiveness, and lack of self-esteem/self-confidence. When I asked if he believed that I was autistic, he gave a noncommittal response, and when I pressed him more about it, he talked about how high functioning I am. He said that it was just a label, and I shouldn't let it define me, and I'm just sort of like...but it does.

Autism describes all the ways in which I am suffering and I feel not taking that into consideration isn't going to help me. He said he wants me to realize how good I actually am at having conversations when the issue of my ability to converse wasn't even on the table in the first place.

And then he told me today that he isn't an autism expert, and it's not his specialty, and it's like... that is why I am coming to see him. That is why I'm making a ridiculous drive, that is why I chose this clinic, because I wanted someone with experience dealing with autistic people.

I don't know how to fix this.

MoriMori,

I offer you this...to start a brief testimonial. For the better part of the last 6 years I have seen 7 different clinicians, 6 of which did not have a strong background in working with ASD. (I was Dx'ed last month) We sound similar in the sense that I appear to be very normal, have a good speaking voice, etc, etc. I think this is why all of my struggles and their root cause were overlooked for so many years.

Currently I am working with a Psychologist that specializes in ASD. She is the one that did my evaluation too. If you don't feel that your current clinician is honoring who you are, be it by choice not to honor it or because a limited point of reference than I would suggest that you find another clinician. From a therapy standpoint I don't feel that any lasting change can come from someone that does not understand the nuance of how Autism can present in different people. Like in my case with the first 6.... they will only recognize and be able to treat the Co-Morbids (the spokes of the wheel) and not the Hub of the wheel (Autism)

What I think a lot of people do (including most clinicians) is go by visual characteristics of what they think Autism should be. In my opinion this limited view creates REAL barriers for those of us who do not fit that mold.

For 43 years of my life I didn't know why I thought the way that I thought, now I know. In just two sessions that I have had since my evaluation focusing on my problems through the lens of autism, I have already come to some significant understandings about my life and feel that I am finally making some REAL change.

In short, spare yourself the frustration. If you can find a different clinician that knows more about autism and is willing to honor you as an individual with autism I think you will be much better off and at that point be able to expect better results from your therapeutic efforts.

In the meantime though...don't be afraid to restate what you are communicating. If you feel that only 75% is getting through, that means there is still a lot of information in the 25% he didn't get.

(I struggle a lot with people and making sure that they have understood me in the way that I have meant what I am trying to say to come across. Not sure if this is what you are feeling, but if it is, I know that it can be extremely frustrating. When they don't get it, I feel like they don't care or are too simplistic.)

Kind Regards, Shark

A good therapist would recognize that a new label as big as autism would dominate your emotional landscape for a while. This is normal and expected. You are going to hyper-focus on the label and the disorder and what it means to you. Eventually, you'll need to step back and recognize that you are human first and autistic second. But you can't push a person into that.

Personally, for me, stating that my problems are based in self-esteem issues is a deal breaker with me in a therapeutic relationship. I have enough self-esteem to not let someone blow me off like that.

It sounds like there was some miscommunication about what you expected going into therapy. I think you already know it's time to look for a new shrink. But I would also suggest putting in a complaint to the autism center that referred you. They need to know that one of their therapists isn't up to standards. It really reflects badly on their center.

Thank you somanyspoons and SharkSandwich211 for your replies. They were very helpful. Shark, I could relate overwhelmingly to what you wrote, and I want to thank you for being so succinct because I've tried to describe that and have failed. And thank you somanyspoons because your reply was really galvanizing

Any time. I am glad I could help.

I had some similar troubles with a councillor a while ago. Kept saying I "pin too much" on the autism, when the problem I was discussing was directly caused by being autistic. They also refused to believe me when I said I was alexithymic, just because I don't harm animals. As a result, I never spoke again about anything relating to autism or alexithymia (read - the two things I was there for, because I don't function and this is the reason why) and thus, therapy went nowhere.
Fast forward a few months and I am seeing someone who does have experience with autism, of all kinds. Just because I can speak most of the time doesn't mean I am not autistic, and this counsellor recognises both the autism and the alexithymia, and works with it. As a result, I have made tonnes more progress with this person in a matter of months than I had with the previous one in years.
For some reason it seems to be common for therapists unfamiliar with autism to try and convince you you're not autistic - such as your example trying to tell you you just have low self esteem or confidence instead. Why? Because this is easier to treat?
Seems a bit much if this person is working at an autism specific clinic and then says they are not an autism specialist or it is not their focus. Were I you, I might speak to the clinician that did your assessment and ask them if they have any contacts with therapists who are experienced in autism. Possibly even one closer to where you live. Doesn't sound like it's worth all the trouble if he is not listening to you and misinterpreting what you say.
Most people tell you you have to find a therapist that's right for what you need to do. And it seems as if this one isn't. That isn't your fault - just a bad fit. You may need to find someone else.