I had OCD but I grew out of it. Weird?

Post Reply New Topic

I used to have major OCD. My room was spotless. I mean spotless. Everything was perfectly arranged in parallel lines and on 90 degree angles. If I did something with my left hand, I had to do it with my right hand. I had to make sure I had locked the front door 3 times, frequently walking back a block or two to make sure I had locked it even when I knew I had. I would scrub obsessively in the shower. I think I took a layer of skin or two off every time. If I sweated even just a couple of drops I would take a shower. It was bad.

Then I grew out of it.

What happened?

I have no idea. OCD can be overcame but it can come back.

Did you ever undergo any therapy, such as CBT?

I first experienced OCD symptoms (definitely discernible from ASD obsessions in my mind) when I was about 7. I had a huge list of things I 'had' to say when I saw a magpie (it all started when a friend told me about the superstition- perhaps a tendency to literalness exacerbated my reaction...), I also had to say goodnight to all my stuffed animals, slept with a wooden brush in my bed (and often with my wooden door open) because of the 'knock on wood' superstition, and also had a series of fairly complex motor movements I 'had' to carry out or I would get very tense and anxious for not doing so (they had nothing to do with sensory issues as far as I'm aware)... I was quite young through all of that but I knew it was weird (and I definitely know it's irrational) so was very secretive about it. As I got older I think some (not all) of them tapered off but were 'replaced' with 2+ hour showers in which I endeavoured to remove all my body hair (though that's harder to discern from ASD obsessing and ritualising), excessive eyebrow plucking, episodes of worrying that I had or would get some awful physical illness, and eventually (and worst of all in my opinion) intrusive distressing thoughts. These thoughts only tend to crop up when I'm already experiencing low mood and mild anxiety (and not on any medication) but they can result in hours of rumination and other mental compulsions.

I could go on but what I'm saying is that, in my experience, one doesn't necessarily grow out of OCD but the illness can 'evolve' and change over time with periods where you seen relatively unaffected.

With all that being said, I'm under the impression it's perfectly treatable (though it may return) so while it might be good to be mindful of anything that may OCD, don't panic or overthink it

That is very true. I asked online if it can come and go and the answer I got was yes. Some people only get it when they go through stress. Some grow out of their compulsions and get new ones. OCD itself can also change.

My earliest memory of experiencing true OCD was when I was six when my parents first got me a new bed so I would have more space in my room. I went from a full bed to a twin bed. But I would get this compulsion to push the mattress up against the wall on my bed because I kept thinking it was slipping off the bed. I did this for a few years and then my mom got me new sheets when I was ten so I was now pulling on the sheet to keep it pulled down because I didn't like the feeling of it being pulled up from me laying in it from tossing and turning. I eventually tore the sheet because I kept on pulling at it. Then I was washing my hands all the time and then they were cracking and bleeding so my mom got me hand lotion and I stopped the obsessive washing. I was also totally obsessed with hygiene all because kids had made comments about me stinking and being dirty and made comments about my breath and teeth so it got me obsessed. If I couldn't do my hygiene routines, I would feel distressed because I would then feel dirty and ugly. I only brushed my teeth twice a day of course and showered every three days, every day starting 5th grade but I showered once a day.

And there are thing I wonder if it was OCD or autism or both. I was obsessed about being normal and would try to be normal and I was always obsessed about behavior so I would study behavior and figure out how to act to be normal and to be a good person all because kids made negative comments about me and I was accused of being a show off so i got obsessed about showing off because I had to see what showing off was and what it looked like and what behavior was showing off so I wouldn't ever do those behaviors. Before then I didn't give a darn what others thought of me so someone could call me rude or mean and no affect but in 4th grade, huge affect because I would obsess about it for days and months and keep an eye out for rude behavior so I would know to not do that behavior again. I wanted to be a good person so much and be liked and have lot of friends and not be an outcast so it got me so obsessed with being normal. I no longer wanted to be different. I didn't like me because lot of kids didn't like me. I felt like a villain so I had to be a goodie. All this seemed to start with a new bed because I didn't want a new bed and I was forced to get a bed I didn't want because they wouldn't let me pick out my own bed. Or was it a coincidence this started? I know lot of ASD kids copy others and watch others to figure out how to act and that was what I did so I could be liked and fit in and some even read books about behaviors like I did in 5th grade. I also watched movies too and would see how good guys acted and how the bad guys act and not do what the bad guys do. I have read that in ASD too. I wanted to better myself.