Did you ever have a therapist listen to you?

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MagicMeerkat
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04 Nov 2016, 5:25 pm

Not your parents or caretakers, but you as a person. I don't know why the ones I saw even bothered to talk with me at all, they only took in what my parents had to say. I tried to explain why I was so "aggressive" at school...other kids and even the teachers sometimes were bullying me, but the therapist didn't believe it and wanted me on medication instead of going in and explaining to the teachers about the bullying problem. Anyway, has anyone had a therapist that ever listened to YOU?


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Dr.Pepper
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04 Nov 2016, 6:20 pm

Therapists, as people who work in the therapy business, are going to be looking first from the point of view of their paying client.



naturalplastic
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04 Nov 2016, 8:00 pm

Even the most worthless therapists I had did at least put on a show of listening to me. One of the better of my therapists was even overly suspicious of my parents when I told her that they wanted to meet with her with out me for one session just to get acquainted with her better. Years later I kinda realized why the therapist did that: often the very family members who pressure the kid (or the spouse or whomever) to get therapy get angry at the therapist as the person getting therapy improves ( the person's issues -addictions-whatever) are often just a symptom of a dysfunction in the whole family. So as the person improves it upset the dysfunctional unhealthy "ecological balance" of the whole family forcing other members to confront their own issues. But I digress.

So I have had complaints about therapists, but I cant really say that that is one of them.



skibum
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04 Nov 2016, 8:04 pm

I have a fantastic therapist. He not only listens to me but he lets me teach him and he learns and changes so that he can help me.


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Uncle
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04 Nov 2016, 10:08 pm

skibum wrote:
I have a fantastic therapist. He not only listens to me but he lets me teach him and he learns and changes so that he can help me.



I think that is the key to a good therapist, one that is 'fluid' with their client rather than someone that turns up with a script already in hand! Unfortunately had such a case and would often smirk, shut me down which in turn closed me down.. Explained i got into events lighting to try and combat my fear of people and mentioned it only made it worse, here next response was a suggestion of going out and doing social flooding! 8O Didn't obviously listen to a word i said and realized that she came scripted ( pre prepared for what to say and do) Some therapists listen but they dont LISTEN... Its nice to know there are some out there that do want to learn rather than scoff at you and say ' well thats what the DSM says''. I figured if she calls her self a professional by just reading a few lines from the DSM does that mean anyone else reading the DSM becomes a professional!? ( ok a little sarcasm there, but i think you get my point).. unfortunately i was under the illusion and trust that the first person i saw after being referred for an ASD assessment would get and understand me, the more we talked the more i realized i was miles away from her psyche! Now i know how important it is to seek someone that has alot of experience in this area as i was getting closed down for things that are directly ASD related but not specifically written in the DSM... Not all professionals are professionals, sometimes you have to do a bit of shopping but unfortunately here finding someone for a mature aspie as myself is like finding gold!



ja795
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05 Nov 2016, 3:21 pm

I am sorry that your therapist did not believe you when you said your peers and teachers would bully you. My therapist at least seemed to believe me when I said I was bullied.
I am not saying you aren't, but I am very thankful for the help which the people gave me which led to my Aspergers diagnosis. I think it is certain that the paramount benefit of getting diagnosed is that it teaches you to not judge people's trustworthiness at face value and it teaches you to read between the lines and consider the hidden possibilities of someone's intentions, which helps you control bullying. If my therapist had not helped me get diagnosed it might have never happened.



League_Girl
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05 Nov 2016, 4:16 pm

Yes I have had therapists listen to me. I don't know what kind you had but I saw PH. D therapists plus a school counselor but he didn't always listen. He would sometimes make an assumption about me like my intentions or what I am thinking and not believe me when I would correct him.


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skibum
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05 Nov 2016, 4:17 pm

Uncle wrote:
skibum wrote:
I have a fantastic therapist. He not only listens to me but he lets me teach him and he learns and changes so that he can help me.



I think that is the key to a good therapist, one that is 'fluid' with their client rather than someone that turns up with a script already in hand! Unfortunately had such a case and would often smirk, shut me down which in turn closed me down.. Explained i got into events lighting to try and combat my fear of people and mentioned it only made it worse, here next response was a suggestion of going out and doing social flooding! 8O Didn't obviously listen to a word i said and realized that she came scripted ( pre prepared for what to say and do) Some therapists listen but they dont LISTEN... Its nice to know there are some out there that do want to learn rather than scoff at you and say ' well thats what the DSM says''. I figured if she calls her self a professional by just reading a few lines from the DSM does that mean anyone else reading the DSM becomes a professional!? ( ok a little sarcasm there, but i think you get my point).. unfortunately i was under the illusion and trust that the first person i saw after being referred for an ASD assessment would get and understand me, the more we talked the more i realized i was miles away from her psyche! Now i know how important it is to seek someone that has alot of experience in this area as i was getting closed down for things that are directly ASD related but not specifically written in the DSM... Not all professionals are professionals, sometimes you have to do a bit of shopping but unfortunately here finding someone for a mature aspie as myself is like finding gold!

Some professionals should seriously consider other professions. I am sorry that you had such a terrible therapist. And I really enjoy good sarcasm as you wrote in your post.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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05 Nov 2016, 4:49 pm

My psychologist during my HS years was a father figure to me because I grew up without a masculine figure in my life, the person being my father, who passed the day after I turned 12 in 2002.


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skibum
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05 Nov 2016, 4:56 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
My psychologist during my HS years was a father figure to me because I grew up without a masculine figure in my life, the person being my father, who passed the day after I turned 12 in 2002.
Wow. That is really sad that you lost your dad so young. And still so recently. I am very sorry for your loss. That had to have been so hard especially at the time of your birthday. It is really great that your psychologist was able to help you in that way. That is really special.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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05 Nov 2016, 5:06 pm

skibum wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
My psychologist during my HS years was a father figure to me because I grew up without a masculine figure in my life, the person being my father, who passed the day after I turned 12 in 2002.
Wow. That is really sad that you lost your dad so young. And still so recently. I am very sorry for your loss. That had to have been so hard especially at the time of your birthday. It is really great that your psychologist was able to help you in that way. That is really special.


My mom believes that my dad may have had AS himself because AS tends to run in families. However, I attended an alternative school for my HS years where although many were welcoming and open-minded, I kept the passing of my dad a secret until my senior year. Most of my peers and some teachers didn't believe me when I disclosed my secret, but I felt a sense of relief when I disclosed his passing.


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Quiet Water
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05 Nov 2016, 5:25 pm

Dr.Pepper wrote:
Therapists, as people who work in the therapy business, are going to be looking first from the point of view of their paying client.


I've been to a variety of therapists as a child and as an adult. I'd thought the more recent ones more effective because they had better training that allowed them to diagnose me more completely and stop trying to make me neurotypical, but yeah, the ones who saw me as a kid had to answer to my parents or to school administrators while those who saw me as an adult knew I was the one making the co-payments and filling out insurance paperwork.

As for AA's loss, that sucks not only in itself but also because you felt you had to keep it secret, and for so many around you not believing the truth when you finally tried to tell them.



AnonymousAnonymous
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05 Nov 2016, 5:31 pm

Quiet Water wrote:
Dr.Pepper wrote:
Therapists, as people who work in the therapy business, are going to be looking first from the point of view of their paying client.


I've been to a variety of therapists as a child and as an adult. I'd thought the more recent ones more effective because they had better training that allowed them to diagnose me more completely and stop trying to make me neurotypical, but yeah, the ones who saw me as a kid had to answer to my parents or to school administrators while those who saw me as an adult knew I was the one making the co-payments and filling out insurance paperwork.

As for AA's loss, that sucks not only in itself but also because you felt you had to keep it secret, and for so many around you not believing the truth when you finally tried to tell them.


Some of my peers did believe me, but one teacher thought I was lying and chastised me one day when I was minding my own business in the school library. The teacher then sent me to the principal's office.


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skibum
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05 Nov 2016, 5:45 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
skibum wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
My psychologist during my HS years was a father figure to me because I grew up without a masculine figure in my life, the person being my father, who passed the day after I turned 12 in 2002.
Wow. That is really sad that you lost your dad so young. And still so recently. I am very sorry for your loss. That had to have been so hard especially at the time of your birthday. It is really great that your psychologist was able to help you in that way. That is really special.


My mom believes that my dad may have had AS himself because AS tends to run in families. However, I attended an alternative school for my HS years where although many were welcoming and open-minded, I kept the passing of my dad a secret until my senior year. Most of my peers and some teachers didn't believe me when I disclosed my secret, but I felt a sense of relief when I disclosed his passing.

wow. It is very healing when you can let the secret out. It's always hard to keep a secret like that. I am glad you were able to let it out. The people who did not believe you should be ashamed of themselves. Especially the teacher. That is just wrong.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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05 Nov 2016, 6:09 pm

skibum wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
skibum wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
My psychologist during my HS years was a father figure to me because I grew up without a masculine figure in my life, the person being my father, who passed the day after I turned 12 in 2002.
Wow. That is really sad that you lost your dad so young. And still so recently. I am very sorry for your loss. That had to have been so hard especially at the time of your birthday. It is really great that your psychologist was able to help you in that way. That is really special.


My mom believes that my dad may have had AS himself because AS tends to run in families. However, I attended an alternative school for my HS years where although many were welcoming and open-minded, I kept the passing of my dad a secret until my senior year. Most of my peers and some teachers didn't believe me when I disclosed my secret, but I felt a sense of relief when I disclosed his passing.

wow. It is very healing when you can let the secret out. It's always hard to keep a secret like that. I am glad you were able to let it out. The people who did not believe you should be ashamed of themselves. Especially the teacher. That is just wrong.


Said teacher enjoyed being a b***h towards students who didn't fit in very well. I was indeed one of those students.


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05 Nov 2016, 6:46 pm

Therapists/Social Workers in my experience tend to have excellent listening skills. Now doctors on the other hand, rarely listen to a single word I say/write. It is almost as if they take classes in medical school where they learn how to ignore their future patients.

Examples are when you ask a doctor an open ended question(such as explain) and they answer with "yeah , uh huh" or "yes" to which you cannot answer an open ended question with a close ended response making it glaringly evident they aren't listening. Versus a therapist or social worker who practices active listening where they repeat some of what you said in their own words and ask further questions to show that they listened and understood what you just said.