The need to avoid stress and people who push you

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As you know, treatment for conditions like autism, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder includes the avoidance of excessive stress. That is, you don't do a job where you work 60+ hours a week with unpredictable hours, you don't do jobs that are unpredictable and require a lot of socializing and stuff, etc.

But when someone is trying to encourage you to seize life by the reins and go after that goal of yours, they will see the avoidance of excessive stress as just being lazy, as shirking your duty, as being a debby-downer, a loser, too negative, too chicken, too afraid, and so on and so forth.

And, well, it is kind of sad that your life is so limited, that you can't do everything you want, but instead of getting sympathy for that impairment, you get people looking down on you, accusing you, etc. So you just kinda stay stuck, between a rock and a hard place. You're getting treatment and all that, but you can never get the help you need to accomplish your goals, so you can aim for the stars.

I feel like that. I work part time at the moment, but the thought of working full time really panics me. But I can't say anything because I just get these cliches thrown at me:-

"Everybody feels like that"
"Nobody wants to get up early and go to work"
"Lots of people work far more hours a day than you"

Maybe if I had a job that I enjoyed, I might be more motivated to do more hours. Right now I'm not keen on my job, and I want to spend as little time there as possible, with earning just about enough money to live.

I'd like to work somewhere where you pack up your things and go home dead on the time your contracted shift ends, and not after. I know people who work at places that close at 5pm and everybody goes home. They get regular coffee breaks and they are not forced to do unpaid overtime, like we are at my place.

Yes! It's a major issue in my life. I can't be around those type of people. It's toxic to me. Sadly society favors that way of thinking, so it's getting harder and harder to deal with.

This is so true.

And you know, I've seen lots of autistic people have drastic improvements in their lives when they were able to get control and predictability over something that had been unpredictable. I wish more non-autistic people were able to understand what a huge deal this is, and how relatively easy to solve it is. All it takes a little understanding and structure.

The job I do best comes with many stressors and many rewards.
Over the years my coping skills ranged from

A. Quiting when I heard other people stressed out and talking about quitting.
B. Coffee
C. More coffee
D. Herbal tea
E. Toys at work
F. More toys
G. Using toys as part of my work.
H. Bring musical instruments to work
I. Use music as part of my work
J. Reach out to whimsical people on and off work.
K. Get guidance by my off site boss.
G. If it don't kill me it becomes fodder for humor- not sarcastic

Agree with all replies, yes.

It could be life changing in terms of stress if a person on the spectrum can be in a work situation more suitable to them, and the stress reduction alone can help them be a still more productive person either within the work or in fact in their wider lives.

Work stress in unsuitable work or long hours for an aspie can cause for some a vicious cycle of inability to cope or thrive in general.

The only line of work where I've witnessed someone being able to leave bang-on 5 o'clock is someone in my building who is a funeral director!

I know the establishment he works at as I pass it on the way to the shops, and he is out of there at 5 sharp on the dot on a daily basis.

However, I'm not sure if he possibly is the manager, and the lackeys below him still have to stay on taking a last call or consultation. In general retail we always had to. When you're the boss you can leave on time and leave others to lock up.

[quote]
Pack up your things and leave on time then. What are they going to do? Fire you for leaving when your shift ends? lol/quote]

I do often try, but it's not always that simple. People get nasty about others who go home when unexpected work pops up at the time the shift ends. There are a lot of double standards at my workplace. If you're a smoker, you're allowed extra breaks to have a smoke, but if you're a non-smoker, you cannot have extra breaks and you get reported if you're caught sitting down for a few seconds. I hate working there. I am trying for other jobs but not having much luck at the moment.

Toxic people at the job site or off can be like emotional vampires.

As far as morticians, I have had them as clients. Along with bankers, custodians and tattoo artist.

A funny twist of fate, I help folks manage their stress.
Working behind the walls I worked with addicts by having them write their version of the
12 step blues.
For teens I help them write break up songs. (Ala Taylor Swift, Alana's Morassett)

Currently dealing with regrets of writing one that included a bus.
My regrets came during watching the results of a school bus accident that actually killed 6 youngsters.

Yes, all very good points and totally relevant.

My boss has a habit of employing unreliable fools (myself not one of them of course), and my shifts can sometimes be understaffed and stressful. I never know what I'm going to go in to and this is so difficult for me. She just doesn't care or even try to understand how it affects me. I'm on increased dose and extra meds now due to workplace stress and I've had to drop shifts because I'm starting to obsess about the damn place.

All she needs to do is to do her job properly and I'd be okay. I'm one of the best nurses there, but she doesn't care enough about the clients for that to bother her

I'm a big fan of nurses.
We have several in the family.
Some of my referrals come from the nurses.

When I started my career 30 years ago, I used to think what would ____ do? The blank was a respected colleague. I also used to think my boss was sending in actors to check my work.
I still am amazed these days that folks seek me out. With an attitude of gratitude.

I think the point about autistics being happy and interested in their job is important and I agree with that . I' m a bus driver and to some that might seem like an nightmare and yeah it can be stressful but I love driving buses I just love it and because I love it I dont get too resentful or unmotivated to get up each morning and do it. The only thing that makes me angry at work is my coworkers ( becuase some are idiots) and some of the passengers who argue with me but I am good at being authorative so its not that scary to me as it might be for some autistics who lack the ability to be outspoken. I am very outspoken.

Caz

I'm a fan of bus drivers
Between cafeteria and custodial staff, you all keep the school "running".
With apologies to any administrators, guidance Counselors, teachers & Para Teachers.

I wouldn't worry too much about what anyone else says for you trying to manage your stress.
I think it is very wise and I would ideally like to have a super low stress lifestyle.

If someone slates me for it, why should i care. Some people will always say something what ever you do and not everyone has your welfare at heart.

If you have to listen to someone, listen to people who you really trust and love. Also listen to people who are in control of your health, and if you are in receipt of income from benefits then listen to them.

All the other people's opinions are like blowing in the wind.
Don't worry.

I work part time for this reason and I hate filling our forms and applications or making any phone calls. I am always avoiding stress and my husband sees it as me running away from my problems so I told him he is running away from his because he must avoid activities that would trigger his seizures. Then he goes "that's different, that is a medical condition" so I asked him "and how is my anxiety any different?" and he goes "It's not medical." Okay so anxiety means your problems are not real and it's all in your head and you just need to toughen up and your problems aren't valid. Also my husband gets seizures from having anxiety due to the chronic pain. But I don't see it as him running from his problems when he wants to rest his feet because they hurt so much from being on them for long. Too much stress is what makes me not function and makes it harder for me to and then I am hard to be around because of it. That is why I am on disability. Back when I worked full time I was always stressed out because of lack of understanding from the office clerk and I would have meltdowns at work and I would come home sometimes and cry and I felt like quitting so many times but the only reason why I stayed was because I was trying to live a normal life and I needed money to pay my rent and bills and I couldn't just quit and find another job because it's difficult to find one so I sucked it up. Then when they cut back my hours to zero and only used me for when someone called in sick and when I got a night time training job for employment for people with disabilities to be a janitor, I quit. Then I was unemployed for five months after my training ended. I am surprised the hotel didn't fire me but I think that is why they didn't put me back on full time when the business picked up again, not because they had to save money due to the economy.

I don't talk about my issues so I don't have to deal with people going "just take medicine" "go to the doctor" and giving me other advice or telling me everyone feels that way or saying they get stressed out too and overwhelmed.

Phone calls are not on the top of favorite work related duties.
This is true even with phone calls at home.