Not Knowing How You Feel

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I think it's a pretty standard part of ASD to sometimes not be able to tell how you feel. I'm like this quite a lot generally, like a mystery to myself, and it can get very frustrating. It also sucks because if people want to help you, then they expect you to know how you feel, or why you feel that way, and I just can't give them that information.

I just reminded my mum of a very vivid memory from when I was 3 or 4 which is the first instance of me doing this. We showed up for nursery like normal but I refused to go in. I was screaming and just feeling very negative, absolutely adamant that I would not go in there. It was weird because I loved nursery, because I went happily the day before and the day after - but most of all because all the while I was crying, I was very coolly thinking "why won't I go in? why do I feel like this?". Mum remembered the incident because it was so unusual for me, but she didn't know until today that I was inner-monologuing my confusion at myself at the time.

I'm guessing other people will have had similar experiences; do you have any strategies for when you're out-of-touch with your emotions like this? Or ways to effectively explain the situation to other people? A lot of the time they demand an explanation and mine never seems good enough .

I never know how I feel on day to day bases. When people ask how I feel, I always give a generic answer,” ok”. I recognize when I feel good, when I accomplished something I work hard for. I know when something bothers me and I feel off; but I may not be sure what or why. Then those in between feelings, I don’t recognize or sometime feel anything.

It's normal for me. I play the In One Word, How Do You Feel Right Now? game in the Random Discussion forum. It actually seems to help me build a vocabulary to describe my emotions, and that seems to help me get a handle on them.

Often, I only realise that I am experiencing an emotion when I am physically affected by it (which happens easily). Regardless of the emotion experienced (positive as well as negative) I cry, or at least feel as though I will, because emotions are very confusing for me. I occasionally bounce on my toes and flap my hands if happy, but other times will cry. Because each emotion produces similar symptoms, I find it difficult to tell how I feel.

Also, I can rationally be telling myself that it's not too bad or I shouldn't be upset whilst I am crying, but it makes no difference.

WOW YES!! ! I am so happy that I have finally found a post and an entire forum where I can whole heartedly agree with people on here. I can't relate to what you have said ENOUGH! Every day I spend confused and desperately trying to sort out my environment and straighten it out. I try EVERYTHING, every religion, every therapist, every medicine, nothing works. No amount of Buddhism or Cognitive Therapy or Math or anything seems to allow me to rationalize with my overwhelming and completely unnationalistic emotions. I just wish I could live a life where I was in touch and capable of controlling my emotions, but as far as I've gotten, it seems like they control me. No matter what happens, good OR bad, I am overwhelmed and they all blur together into frantic frustration and anxiety.

I like that thread for the same reason; I think it helps because it makes me really consider how I feel. It does take a long time though before I can choose a word, and even then it doesn't feel sufficient.



Me too, I think that's what you're supposed to say regardless lol . Do any of you guys have anybody who asks you how you really feel? There's somebody who cares for me who doesn't accept my "I'm OK" answer, and whilst it's a nice gesture I suppose, it really frustrates me. I feel like it's none of his business, and I also get annoyed because it makes me realise that I'm not OK , or at least I can't tell if I am.

I'm good at identifying and openly expressing my own feelings to other people. Often talking to someone about how I'm feeling helps a lot. If I don't have anyone to express my feelings to, I feel like going mad. Even when having a panic attack, having someone to comfort me always helps.

Sometimes I get confused as to why I'm feeling anxious, like each work morning I feel really anxious about going to work. I don't really know why I feel like this. Well, actually, it is probably because I don't want to be in that particular job but I have no choice until I can find something better.

For me, it's a very rare occurrence, but I do recall one recent instance where I couldn't decipher for the life of me how I felt. But thanks to my mother, it turned out to be a crush.

For an Aspie, I am actually very good at reading faces and understanding what emotion they convey. But I do have trouble identifying my own feelings, though it seems that I go between various stages of apathy and anxiety. The only things that make me feel really happy is when my friend who plays guitar comes over for a jam session, and when I smoke marijuana.

I have a hard time knowing how I feel or even that I feel something. For a long time I thought I could literally "feel" other people's feelings (a la Deanna Troi from ST:TNG). Now I know I was probably picking up on other people's feelings and mis-attributing them to myself.

I've recently learned that there's a technical term for not knowing how to express feelings: Alexithymia. Literally meaning "no words for emotions." It's not peculiar to ASD although many people on the spectrum do have it. I have it in spades and it's a real pain in emotional situations. It sometimes takes me days to come up with a feeling or even an awareness that I feel something.

Very often people with alexithymia will "feel" emotions in their bodies rather than wherever it is people are supposed to feel them. I realize emotions can cause physical sensations, but to most people the physical sensation comes with some other non-physical "feeling." My psychologist will often ask me, "Where do you feel that?" when discussing emotional issues. It helps to identify at least the presence of an emotional reaction and also helps me to put words to it by describing the physical sensations in subjective terms.

Google the term alexithymia and there's lots of good information and articles. Even a video by "Ask an Autistic" YouTube personality Amethyst Schaber.

I don't think I'm out-of-touch with my emotions, I just think translating my feelings into words is more difficult.

I have had a guilt-prevention-vs-comfort sort-of dilemma because of my social anxiety. To elaborate, I have difficulties knowing whether I want to socialise with my flatmates to prevent guilt of not speaking to them, or whether I want to stay in my comfort zone by avoiding them. (In the end, I have chosen to stay in my comfort zone, because I realised that life is too short to waste it doing something you are uncomfortable with, although hopefully after I finish university in April I will take time to deal with my anxiety).