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FandomConnection
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04 Nov 2016, 6:20 pm

Do you think that Aspies/other ND people should 'typicalise' (force ourselves to act as NTs)? Is there something wrong with having (or suspecting) ASD that means we should hide it?

My mother tells me that I am selfish to want people to accept me the way I am, and that I should learn to act NT all the time. I understand being able to temporarily act NT (for work etc.), but not as an enforced permanent change of personality. What are your thoughts?


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Dr.Pepper
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04 Nov 2016, 6:29 pm

For most people, it's easiest to accept people who are most like themselves so if you want to get ahead, it's easier if you appear to be like most people. If you seem different, things will not come as easily (generally).



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04 Nov 2016, 6:54 pm

Trying to be something you are not born to be could have serious psychological consequences as discussed in this recent WP thread. I am not saying at all one should not add skills and evolve as a person, everybody should evolve, but trying to change the core of who you are especially changing who you are because you think you are wrong as a person is not good.


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04 Nov 2016, 7:01 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Trying to be something you are not born to be could have serious psychological consequences as discussed in this recent WP thread. I am not saying at all one should not add skills and evolve as a person, everybody should evolve, but trying to change the core of who you are especially changing who you are because you think you are wrong as a person is not good.


Exactly. Also, someone insisting you put so much psychological energy into trying to be something you're not is selfish.


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04 Nov 2016, 7:15 pm

Ishi2 wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
Trying to be something you are not born to be could have serious psychological consequences as discussed in this recent WP thread. I am not saying at all one should not add skills and evolve as a person, everybody should evolve, but trying to change the core of who you are especially changing who you are because you think you are wrong as a person is not good.


Exactly. Also, someone insisting you put so much psychological energy into trying to be something you're not is selfish.


I also agree. People who try to change others to suit themselves are selfish.


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randomeu
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04 Nov 2016, 7:17 pm

nope, individuality and uniqueness for me thanks. i really dont mind my quirks i think they make up what is me and so if im hiding them then im hiding the true me, and society isnt going to tell me to hide myself


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04 Nov 2016, 7:30 pm

Ishi2 wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
Trying to be something you are not born to be could have serious psychological consequences as discussed in this recent WP thread. I am not saying at all one should not add skills and evolve as a person, everybody should evolve, but trying to change the core of who you are especially changing who you are because you think you are wrong as a person is not good.


Exactly. Also, someone insisting you put so much psychological energy into trying to be something you're not is selfish.


Do you think there's anything I can do? Would talking to her help? Or should I just ignore her demands?


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skibum
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04 Nov 2016, 8:00 pm

That is the worst advice she could possibly give you. Put Autistic Burnout in the search engine here and read those threads and share them with her. That should change her mind.


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04 Nov 2016, 11:01 pm

I think people should learn to compromise. We shouldn't be expected to be exactly like others, but we should also understand why others don't feel the same way we do about conversations, etc, and not ask them to change everything, either. Pretending isn't good for anyone.



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05 Nov 2016, 12:08 am

skibum wrote:
That is the worst advice she could possibly give you. Put Autistic Burnout in the search engine here and read those threads and share them with her. That should change her mind.


This would be a good suggestion but for the fact that she denies that there is anything essentially abnormal about me, and rejects my suspicions that I might have ASD (saying that I'm not ND, just selfish and heartless and prone to acting stupid). Thank you for the suggestion anyway! :D


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Too often, people say things they don't mean, and mean things they don't say.


ReaperDan84
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05 Nov 2016, 4:02 am

Image


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05 Nov 2016, 5:12 am

ReaperDan84 wrote:
Image


I must admit, I'm not entirely sure what that means...


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Too often, people say things they don't mean, and mean things they don't say.


ReaperDan84
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05 Nov 2016, 7:49 am

FandomConnection wrote:
ReaperDan84 wrote:
Image


I must admit, I'm not entirely sure what that means...


It was a bit of a random one :lol:

It's my response to the question "Do you think that Aspies/other ND people should 'typicalise' (force ourselves to act as NTs)?" based mainly on the experience of having a complete mental breakdown as the result of trying and failing to be a "functioning human being" for 3 decades.


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skibum
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05 Nov 2016, 11:21 am

Sorry I don't know what ND is. But if your mom is refusing to acknowledge your ASD you will just have to ignore that bit of advice from her and just be who are are naturally and if it bothers her that is just going to have to be her problem. Even if you try to pretend to be NT all the time, you can't. I don't care how well we can pass for a period of time, at some point the ASD traits and symptoms creep out. You can't stop them when they do. Asking someone who is Autistic to act like an NT 100% of the time is like asking someone not to blink ever. It's just not possible. If you push yourself to try to be NT 100% of the time, you will eventually have very serious consequences. You just have to do what is best for you at this point and if it's a point of contention with your mom, it will just have to be one.

Even if you have to spend time every day where you are completely alone, like at a park or locked in your room or wherever you can find a safe space to do the Autistic type things that come naturally to you than please do that. When I spend time alone, I do a lot of stimming and I play with my toys and allow myself to be as Autistic as I need to be. And even in public now, I am allowing myself to be more and more Autistic and not worry about what other people think. But don't let your mom dictate how you need to function. You can make efforts to be as appropriate as you can in whatever situation you are in publicly but when you are at home or when you are alone, let yourself be as authentic and true to yourself as you can possibly be. You might even just need to schedule blocks of time in your day specifically to stim or do your special interest or whatever it is that makes you able to regenerate and refresh your spirit.


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05 Nov 2016, 11:54 am

I think we must learn
1- To always be cognizant of the fact that we are different.
2- That our way is not the only way
3- to learn tricks not to get stuck in our head when we need to be present.
4- to become accepting of situations we don't like rather than expecting others to accommodate us. ( this one is very important!)
5- To stop trying to do the right thing or say the right thing when it is not our place or required. It always back fires!!
" sometimes people with Aspergers take actions without realizing their effect on other people"
6- to learn to be appropriate in public. Not normal because normal is fluid and hard to grasp. To be appropriate and pleasant



skibum
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05 Nov 2016, 12:50 pm

Yes, it is very important to distinguish between being appropriate and being normal. We can be appropriate without sacrificing who we are and how we function. We don't need to pretend to be NTs all the time in order to be appropriate. Being appropriate is very important and something we can actually learn to do. Being NT is not.


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