Im afraid of change, hardcore style.....how do people cope?

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So im at that point in my life when things change....alot.......and not in a good way (well not in a good way to me, probably really normal to others). all the change, the having to become an adult, do things on my own, possibly live on my own in the future (after uni) it all scares me, in a REALLY big way, to the point where i almost have a complete breakdown having to deal with it. to the point where i freaked out about going to uni, and now im at home and not at uni (long story short...it was messy....i didnt cope very well on the first day.....i know, im sad) and so im going to uni closer to home next year.

i see this as a huge issue, as not being able to cope with being an adult is really going to hamper the next 60 years or so of my life. its really not working. it just feels like the whole world is crumbling down around me, and i really need to get over this, as nobody offline is willing to accommodate this fear of change or do anything about it

This is going to be blunt but I am trying to give you helpful advice so please try not to take offence.

I have been in a similar predicament to you. I struggle at university, I have no friends there and I am very isolated - I am 500 miles from home.

You need to go to a university close to home i.e 50 miles at most and you need to move into halls. Move into shared halls and try and get quiet accommodation. Request a mentor and laise with the Dean of Students on a regular basis. Otherwsie you will fall behind because professors won't be aware of your disability.

Don't put too much expectation on anyone helping you, try and do most things yourself. People aren't trained in ASD so they are learning from you. It wont be easy, you will have to push through it.

I find that it really helps me to slow my life down and not expect too much of myself on any given day. I sometimes have to be ok if I can only do one thing in a day and that could be just like if I only pay one bill or something and that is all I can do. One advantage that you have that I did not have is that when I went to uni I had no idea that I was aspie. But because you know you can ask your profs and ask that they help you with certain accommodations like giving you more time for assignments or letting you take exams in their office alone rather than in the classroom or giving you more office hours if you had to leave class because of sensory overload. Small things like that would have helped me. If I had had small accommodations like that I might have graduated with honors rather than dropping out four classes before graduating because I could no longer cope.

But you really have to pace yourself. You have to understand and respect your limitations and not feel bad if you can't do more.

@the OP: I'm with you there. I'm 56. I have lived on my own for 39 years. I am going through a divorce, the VA is giving me the s**ts every time I turn around, employment is all messed up.

And, it ain't no easier. Right now, I am in the middle of changes like you. If you find a way to deal with it, lemme know. But for now, I'm even more isolated than before.

I'm not sure this helps, OP. But you are pretty normal. Everyone I know went through this at about your age. I was a little older, as going to university let me extend my childhood a bit, but I went through it eventually.

Just take one step and a time and expect that you will F up sometimes. Just pick yourself up and start again. That's life. Its not a Rocky movie, its a slow movement forward while you gain wisdom and know-how.

By the time I figured out that I was having immense trouble with transitioning into new environments with new demands and actual freedom to explore lands of opportunity and potential for once, they were already gone because I'd had unbelievable difficulty adjusting and knowing how to react and walk in new directions. I hope I am better equipped to wander when I reach sunnier shores, it's taken me years of psyche guidance and persistence in pursuing dark places to understand the problems I encountered and why I struggled so I feel your pain and hope you find the right support and a useful path.