It's true - everyone does hate me... HR told me

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I have been reading your posts that feel like I could have wrote myself. Your voices echo my feelings and thoughts so well. I gave up trying to explain them to my family. i gave up trying now to feel so hurt. 40 years and someone should just accept me for me right? But tonight I need to speak out a little.... vent maybe. Unfair because I haven't contributed anything, but then, I have nothing to contribute - nothing anyone wants.

I have a very stressful job. My job in a nut shell is to manage documents and ensure document get to other people on time and looking neat and professional. I have one staff that I supervise and anot her employee I instruct but don't officially supervise. the job I do takes 50+ hours but 6 months ago they cut OT for non union staff so now I do those extra 10-15 hrs without any compensation or recognition.

In my day I often tell people they are late, or they have to redo something they sent because it isn't on the proper template or the document is just plain old junk. we have laws that have to followed and I enforce them to a t. Because I work so much I don't have "time" to be "grey". That is what my manager wants me to be. Grey. It takes time to be grey. I have to fake it to be grey. Why be grey and not black and white? Company priority is that everything is in on time and properly formatted - but I have to spend a paragraph saying that +300 times a month vs please redo the document and use (link) template.

Anyway I am blethering. 2 weeks ago another employee explosively accused me of following too close to his car. YES, at one point, 6 kms away I did when he was doing 35 in a 50 zone. But I didn't stay that way. I have a perfect driving record - why bother at 7am? It was very abusive, and very public. The worst was when he shouted that everyone hated me. it played on the worst of the worst for me. That in deniable feeling that every thing I say is wrong, the tone of my voice, the look of my face, the way I hold my body, the way I walk quickly to and from at work. The feeling that those who tolerate me are doing just that - tolerating me because they are too polite to tell me to shut up. But there it was. ONE fat headed jerked shouting it out where everyone in the building could hear. Everyone hated me. I went to my office, locked myself in, and crI'd. I tried desperately to hope that it was in retaliation for having spoken to his manager on 3 previous occasions when he had swore at other staff, made sexually inappropriate jokes to the women that work with me, and finally for racially discriminating jokes directed to my staff.

But no. Today, on a follow up meeting, my manager and HR told me very clearly, the 13 people they spoke to, many who's names I gave that got to see me told off, told them they really do dislike me. 5 minutes to tell me they would follow up with that staff and there were concequenses they couldn't talk about and 25 where it was all me. Oh she was very clear to say that I did great work, and that this
Reporting the incident would not have personal repercussions. BUT I can't believe that. 28% of the staff at this location detest me. They said I am agressive body and voice, hostile, and talk down to people. In fact, the comments were so strong it "shocked" the manager that sits somewhere in the states.

I explained that this can be part of the autisim. I reminded her i dont call people to tell them what a great job they are doing, i call because something did was wrong. The very nature of the job is negativity. The answer? Send out a survery and see for myself how people feel about me. That is right, my very large, professional company, has an application that you can send out survery to see how people view you, and they remain completely anonymous. Then, after 41 years of struggling with life, I will get to see how people view me, and i have failed at my clearly horrible efforts to fake "normalcy" I will then be able to flip over a new leaf. I will be miraculously cured, praise the almighty corporation! Can I get a hallelujah! ?

So, once again, I am in my office crying. I can't help but think that everyone they talked to doesn't like me. I know ppl get really pissed off when i follow the rules. When i insist other people follow the rules. That is what i was hired to do! (My boss doesnt like me. He is at the main location and is passive to the point of death) Changing jobs isn't an option. I must keep my job. AND damn it for the most part I LIKE my job. I think there might be a couple of ppl at a location 4 hrs away that like me. We work often together, talk about our families, frustrations, joys, and the usual crap normal ppl do.

I could have left at 2pm because i went in at 6. But i intentionally stayed almost 3 hours later just so i wouldn't have to see anyone outside of my office or in the halls. You know what my thoughts were driving home? My only solution? If I stop drinking coffee in the morning I bet I could go all day and no have to leave my office. I will never doubt myself again. I will never be able to delude myself into believing I am even tolerated. I really am hated.

Please forgive my typos, my tablet isn't made for typing and I am too miserable to spell check.

I am so sorry. I had a similar sounding job. I was shocked to learn that I was "unsupportive ". Thankfully it was generally black and white and no one else wanted to do it the job. When it got too much I was able to quietly retire.

I suspect that you are in a career wherein you understand the importance of documenting suspicions about your work, complaints about you, complaints about others, and such. Dates, times, statements and conclusions (whether discussed or not) need to be documented until such time as you see no more need to create the documentation.

Meanwhile, I would pull back a little from interactions with other staffers. Appear willing to comply, and offer help to others while seething inside. Understand that your opinions are your own, but are best left unsaid. Find those coworkers with whom you might cultivate better relations; they could come in handy down the road.

Yes, begin surveying other workplace options. But, tell no one of your plan to parachute if needed.

In other words, you have now become your own best advocate. Protect yourself, and try to find a new social position for yourself within your workplace. Be friendlier to all even if you must fake it.

I have been there and done that. The advice works well enough to offer you options. Maybe your workplace can be repaired, maybe not. Good luck, regardless.

Why does it matter if people like you?
From your description of your job, their regard is irrelevant to you keeping your job and doing it properly. You're there to work, not socialize. Why do you need to be popular at the office? They can't fire you because others dislike you, I'd wager that would be grounds for unfair dismissal if you are completing your work properly and have not made any inappropriate comments toward others (and can even prove you have reported other people for doing so.)
You could always embrace it. So they dislike you - big deal, they're entitled. They'll just have to get over it and get back to work. They're adults, and it is a workplace. They cannot expect to be best pals with everyone who works there.
If it really bothers you though, you could approach the person who criticised you or others of their ilk and ask what it was that offends them, and what they would suggest you do differently. If it sounds fair enough, you may be able to thank them for some more constructive criticism than yelling in the middle of the office like a four year old, and let them know you will take it under advisement and make an effort to work on whatever their problem was.

you are both spot on from my perspective. I earn good money and i work my butt off to do it. BUT employees want ppl who don't make waves. We are understaffed and every time I bring up an issue it makes ppl mad because they see it as extra work where they should have done it right the first place. THEY never see the good i do because the good doesn't make waves. No one says hey so and so is doing a good job (well I do.. I make a point of it because no one else does). I'm very busy now so I'm going to keep to myself and play nice. I just hope they don't find it uncooperative.

I make lots of notes, when I have time. And they are my note books not paid for by the company. But in canada I doubt it will do me a bit of good. BIG company = big money for lawyers. Single mom with a mortgage and a car payment = tough luck.

You know that survey... to me it feels the same as if they asked a blind man to run an obstacle course.

While autism might be a factor in thier disliking you it is the nature of your job mainly. You can be fired for bieng unlikable, that is up to management priorities. If they prioritize getting the job done over likability then I would suspect they told you nobody liked you to see if you can handle the reality of what you hired for.

Good luck and welcome to wrong planet.

Can you be more proactive--perhaps giving people a heads up that they need to do something, rather than telling them they are late? Perhaps give people little hints on what they should be doing, in case it has been a while since they last submitted a particular form?

Don't forget, in a few days we will need such and such using this particular template.

Please, please, please don't send out that survey!! !

The whole reason you are doing that job instead of someone nicer is that you are the one who can put aside how people feel about you and get the job done right.

This is what we mean when we say that autistic people are needed in the workplace because of their differences, not despite them. An NT would have a very hard time doing the job you do because they would always be beating around the bush with their co-workers.

This is a matter for the HR department. Requiring you to do unpopular tasks and then critisizing you because people don't like you? That's not acceptable workplace behavior. And really, what this boss of your's is asking for with this survey is institutionalized bullying. She wants it on paper that you are unpopular. WTF? You aren't there to be popular. You are there to complete a job. And if you have ambition to move into a position that is more people orientated and less about paperwork completion, that is a completely different conversation. It might be worth working on your people skills. But letting these folks have another bite at your self-esteem? That is not going to help.

Pandora114, is there no way you can get anither job? Maybe start applying around? I think you must get out of there! But it is NOT you that's the problem, it is the dominant culture, as I've seen so often by now.

I spent 1.5 years working in a place I called 'the snake pit'. i was a secretary, and everyone was playing political games and i had refused, so I got ostracised. It was horrible, I was weeping every evening (and often in the office too). I am very sensitive, but it was a horrible backstabbing place.

Even my office plant died, two of them, and if there's one thing I can do well it's looking after plants . If the plant can't survive there, neither can I. I left and have been happier ever since

The workplace is not a social club and I don't think the company should create an environment where other employees feel entitled to criticize or "dislike" a worker for reasons not related to the job. It creates a bad culture because where does it stop?

Why isn't changing jobs an option? Sounds like they're sort of taking advantage of you with the whole tacking on an extra 10-15 hours without any compensation. Also its seems evident it is negatively affecting your mental health, I mean staying at work 3 hours late just so you don't have to see anyone on your way out after your shift isn't a good sign.

If you really are set on staying there, you could try and be more friendly...like maybe do tell people they're doing a good job from time to time, or compliment if they do an exceptionally good job on a document. I mean if the only interaction people have with you is you telling them they did something wrong and insisting they follow the rules...might be hard to see you in a positive light. However just knowing how people can be they might not be receptive to you trying to be more friendly/pleasant if they've already decided they dislike you. But keep in mind a lot of it is the nature of your particular job it sounds like not so much you as a person.

Pandora, first off, (((huggss))). I've been there and it's terribly upsetting.

Other commenters have pointed out that your job is to police work product, and to be surprised when workers dislike you is ridiculous. Yet that's the way NTs operate in an organization.

As hostile as you feel the place is to you, it doesn't sound like they want to fire you. Try to swallow your pride and take their suggestions as constructive criticism. Work on some connection with other workers, the ones that seem least ill-disposed to you. Say hi, have lunch with, compliment, but above all, don't stay in your office with your door shut.

I've heard it said if you have even one good friend at work, you can survive just about anything. I found that true for me. It's a buffer against negativity.

I think you should also work on getting your overtime reduced. It sounds like you could easily burn out, or maybe already have. Have a frank conversation with your manager about the fact that you will need to produce less since you are working more than full time.

Routinize things (something Aspies are good at), for instance, use form emails and boilerplate texts in your emails.

Meeting with the employees who often turn in error-prone work and showing them a solution is also not a bad idea. Be aware that detail-orientation comes naturally to you, but not to most people. We talk about how our autism is a "different" kind of mental process, but we have to also remember that neurotypicals have a different sort of brain than we do! They usually lack our autistic strengths, such as pattern recognition. Like an elementary school teacher who tries to understand different learning styles, you could try to understand what causes your co-workers to turn in the wrong template, make errors and so on, and see if you can help them do the work better.

I know you won't be able to use all of my suggestions, and that's okay. Maybe one or two of them will benefit you. Again, I'm sorry for your distress at work, something I've also had myself. Be gentle and loving towards yourself at this stressful time.

You might also see if you can cut down your hours.

Sometimes you can actually say no to certain job requests. Where I work we get requests from other departments--it is at our discretion as to whether we want to help out--and it is for a lot of resources we are obliged to clear it with our supervisor.

You may also be able to do things more quickly--I find that I get a better response to my work if I send it out quickly with occasional typos, than if I were to hold on to it for another day or two to edit those out.

Pandora, right now your primary goal is workplace accuracy and adherence to the rules, I think. If so, it likely gives you a feeling of order and control to have things in order and communicated effectively. This is not the primary goal of your coworkers (90% of the time;) their goals are socialization, getting paid for doing nothing and sucking up to the boss. What I'm saying here is that your values differ from those of your coworkers. This puts you in a difficult position because they will sense your disregard for their values and will become defensive. Of course, when they are reprimanded, it only increases their negativity.
I think you have to decide what matters more to you: the order and control of doing your job to the "t" or getting along with your coworkers. It's a hard choice; it's one I've had to make in every place I have worked.

I agree with somanyspoons; that seems incredibly unprofessional. Are you sure the survey isn't about your traits as a supervisor? Can you send out surveys to find out what people think of your Facebook page as well? That scarcely seems more ridiculous than sending out surveys about people's personal feelings towards you.

The normies try to make everything about socializing and social status, even work. They probably don't even know you well enough to legitimately decide that they don't like you.

I wish I had some good advice. Is your job (or the skills you use) something you can do freelance? I recommend freelancing to everyone who doesn't want to deal with ridiculous office games and toxic office environments.[/quote]

So this is what the adult world has in store for me, overgrown children.