What's the point of therapy?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm asking because I would like to know. I recently switched therapists, and the two experiences are different. I feel the first therapist helped me to calm down generally, make a few friends, sustain two of those friendships, get a cat, start eating healthy food, cope with more difficult challenges professionally and make myself more vulnerable professionally. However, there were some things that really didn't improve, namely networking and building relationships with work people. Also romantic relationships continue to elude me (or more likely, I continue to avoid them).

I had targeted a lot of issues already with the first therapist, and I felt I was ready to learn how to do this networking thing. I also will be on the job market again soon and I was concerned about my interviews. (I'm still avoiding romantic relationships.)

However, I feel like all the new therapist does is criticize me for wanting to be on time and to meet my deadlines (basic professionalism in my opinion!) and for not wanting to eat certain foods (why should he care if I don't think I'd like a whole pie made out of peaches? I like a LITTLE peach taste for a few moments, and then I like for it to end. Why should I make an entire pie that I'd have to keep eating and eating until it's gone?? Does eating a peach pie make me a better person? HOW?)

I'm also very attracted to the new therapist, and I'm very certain that it's not mutual. So I don't know if this issue is making the therapy less useful for me. I know I tend to be oppositional toward males that I find attractive. (This was something I realized while working with my first therapist, but really didn't make tremendous progress with other than noticing it while it happened and then being aware of my decision-making...but not exactly being in control of my decision-making either.) Will I arbitrarily oppose anything he says, and waste both of our time?

So I guess I'm asking, how can I know in a few months whether the therapy is useful or not?

I would get away from the therapist whom you are attracted to.

This detracts from the objectivity of therapy, and precludes it from achieving its purpose.

But kraftie, I read that it's very common for people to have a crush on their therapist. It's called transference. It supposedly helps some people. But I'm worried that it will have th opposite effect with me, because I am so argumentative sometimes.

Yep...there's Transference.

But it seems to me that what you might be feeling is more than just a "crush."

It might be more intense than that.

(which is also Transference, of course).

It's true...if it's just a "crush," then therapy can be successful.

But if it's more than that---that which might lead to a desire for a serious relationship, then objectivity flies out the window.

lol, we're in no danger of me thinking there is a possibility for a serious relationship. Anyway, I guess I'll just see if I feel better, and if I'm making progress with networking to see if it's working. It's very frustrating in the moment though.

The reason btw is that I'm transgender male, and he knows about it, so...

plus, he's married.

If your main therapy goal at this point is improving networking/professional issues, have you tried asking the therapist if he has experience in these areas? Also, some networking groups have seminars about good networking practices. Aside from asking people if they know of any, some of the group leaders are also happy to answer questions or share their philosophy of networking.