Standing up for yourself

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Anyone else feel really uncomfortable with not necessarily confrontation, but saying "no, I don't agree with you"?

Had a run in with a co-worker today who wanted to move my microwave to a different shelf as they thought it 'made more sense'.
In it's new placement it was cause me to turn my back on customers (rude!) and look out for more people/hazards, just making a simple task so much more complicated.
And the fact that they just did it without consulting me does not help, I have learned to work quite effectively with how things are now and don't appreciate 'help' in this way, if I want something changed I will do it myself!

Anyway, after several debates of trying to get out why I didn't like the idea I point blank said to them that I didn't like it (with MUCH anxiety and internal tremor I thought I was going to fall over!!), it would make my job harder and I don't want it to change. The idea was abandoned and I moved the microwave back as soon as I had the chance.

Yet I've come home feeling quite horrible about it, like everyone is going to hate me for being unreasonable and I feel really anxious about what may be said there tomorrow.
I was just saying how I felt, wasn't I? It's ok to say "No, I don't agree" isn't it?
Why is it so many people have no problem with saying "No" but when I do I feel like I'm being difficult.

This is a common theme in my life, I say yes, I agree, over and over to my detriment. I just internalize it and cry about it later. I am the ultimate people pleaser and regardless of if I am honest or go along with what they say I feel pretty low after, most of the time saying yes will just shut people up but it's not healthy for my self esteem.
I think life forgot to give me a rule book on how to deal with not only these situations but how to cope with the fall out.

How does one say "NO" without falling apart at the seams?

No.
Nope.
Not gonna happen.
No thanks.
No way.
Uh uh.
Oh my goodness no.
There is absolutely no way.
Never.
Not in a million years.

standing up for oneself often takes 200% of one's energy, to put one in energy debt for days afterwards.

I no longer stand up for myself against NT's...the way I see it this is their planet ,their rules and I'm just a guest here...I'm just trying to fly underneath the radar as much as possible....by the way this topic is important to me as well because I want to know how I can deal with this issue with regards to work without me being a bad guest...

you gotta be more stubborn, stand your ground, mebbe be a bit "in your face" like this guy-

While it is thier rules it is just as much our planet as thiers. We were born here. I see no evidence that the aliens from Planet Autistica if they exist are trying to get us back, so they do not want us either

My experience with trying to fly under the radar is that at most it works sometimes as a temporary solution, and I do not do it as well as I thought.

I've always reasoned my way out of any conflicts... But there are times that reason fails and I sometimes fear that I might go all the way while the other person is just seeking attention or dominance I see it as a fight for my life scenario.... There was a time though that I would actually stand up for my rights to the other persons level(clash of egos) mostly posturing but I was willing to go toe to toe if need be.... but you stand up against one just to have another follow...and just recently I don't even think they were doing it on their own.... like somebody's putting them up to it...so basically I feel like I'm standing up against puppets....which makes me question my sanity.... ..now I really feel stupid...

now I feel bad for diverting the topic away from the OP....

I can relate to this, I spend a lot of time with my internal monalouge going nuts trying to reason with myself, like picking apart the details to come to a conclusion:

Why I'm having such a big fight-or-flight reaction to this
Why they feel so strongly about the particular issue
Do they feel that strongly or just being a dick?
What they are thinking/possible motives
What in particular I'm feeling eg anger, anxiety (it's hard to figure that one out)
Am I just being difficult?
Are they just being difficult?

All while trying to keep emotions in check, not outwardly show I'm so distressed about it, keep voice, pitch level, eye on the door if customers come in, AND trying to come up with an answer which remotely applies to why I don't want the blasted microwave to move.

Perhaps it got a bit much and maybe I was a bit snappy, processing all that is tiresome!

I think it's a combination of dominance and attention seeking with this particular co-worker, they were pretty quick to let the boss in on what a great idea it was and often changing things to 'make it better' and I've put up with it in the past as it doesn't directly relate to my actions during service.

I wish I could be Like A Boss in that video auntblabby
It just feels so unnatural to mimic it in real life, I'm more likely to try and float around gracefully (while tripping over tables) like the dancer at work who glides everywhere and doesn't even know it.

I wonder if I didn't quite get what I mean across with my original post, that it seems like a case of damned if I do, damned if I don't.
If I say "No don't change it and respect my opinion!" there will be a fall out for a few days about the 'fight' and who's right or wrong and I will be uncomfortable, unsure of myself and if I'm performing well and may cry a few times over minor things (not ideal at work!)
If I say "Sure, we'll try it out, good idea" when it feels like the fight of my life that I just gave up on, again. My own disappointment at not being more assertive and having to swallow a change in environment I clearly didn't want will cause emotional problems, crying again, anger and depression mostly aimed at myself while pretending it's all ok and no problems here, people!

It's like a pro's and con's, which is the bigger evil so to speak, so in your experience which one is better or worse?

Possibly overthinking this at 11.38pm but it's something that could slot into any area of life if you can relate to the fall out.

Either way I figure I'd be feeling anxious about work tomorrow!

I feel really bad and uncomfortable after saying yes when i want to say no, So in those situations i remind myself of who i will feel if i said yes and that is why usually i say no even when most people will say yes, But of course i need to explain why if they don't like it and want to change my mind or if it's something that can hurt their feeling, Like refusing to let then drink from my bottle of water, And sometimes you should say yes even if you don't like it if it's for a special person but not always.

My friend who have a strong personalty was awed by my ability to say no, and thought that is because i am half German
" every thing weird about me is because that for them " i think it's because i have a lot of siblings, and don't always feel the need to pleas other.

I think what you did was right, next time try to stay calm and just explain why you don't agree with them.

You are right it isn't that simple when you face those people every day, maybe it would be useful to google who to say no in a nice way so the problem will be solved peacefully, And when you react in a wrong way because of stress you can try and explain yourself the next day and apologize if necessary.

Yeah...its like a game to them or something....while you do your best to keep your emotions in check all the time to them its just sports...

In regard to your feeling that you're being difficult: I'm thinking it's because, generally speaking, we ASDers spend so much of our time wanting / working to be accepted (saying yes, for instance, to conform; aka, being accepted), that when we say "no", it goes against the grain of what we've programmed ourselves, to do.

As for, "I feel pretty low after": I think it's because you're going against an ASDer's nature----that of being honest / speaking our mind, without a filter. We have to get to a point that we don't care, generally speaking, what someone thinks of us----and, it's very difficult to do (speaking from experience), cuz we've spent all of our lives trying to fit-in with people, that when we first begin to, sort-of, "make" people accept us the way we are, they're not going to like it----they want us to stay the falling-all-over-ourselves-to-please person.

As for how one says "no": The more you do it, the easier it will become. I know that's not the "quick fix" you may be looking-for, but it WILL happen (again, speaking from experience).

I think discretion is the better part of valor. Standing up for yourself sometimes gets you into a lot of trouble. I sometimes wished I could stand up to people who told me I couldn't do something but, truthfully, my options were quite limited for a long time.

I am extremely docile and usually go along with everyone else's expectations because I can't stand conflict. I neglect my own needs and wishes in the process. I am trying to focus on what I want first.