My life is a self-imposed Isolation Chamber.

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I've have never had real friends because I can't/don't want to relate to anyone.

I don't have a job because I just don't want one, though I recognize I need one. It's how the World works, and yet I have nothing inside me anymore that could care.

I've never been on a date because I don't allow myself to get close to anyone, and I don't want them to get close to me. I don't want to risk the chance of emotional intimacy. It terrifies me and at the same time I crave it more then anything else, like a soul ache.

I'm 24 years old, and still live with my Parents. I had the drive to move out when I was 18, it's long gone by now. I know I should want independence because it's what would be normal. I know I should want independence because my Mother is an emotionally abusive Narcissist, and my Father is her enabler. He doesn't have the courage to stand up to her, so I have to do it for myself, or else I would commit suicide (I'm the family Scapegoat/Lost Child). It would be healthy to want to escape for my emotional-psychological health, but it's all I've ever known. I just don't care anymore.

I'm dead inside. My entire Life is lived in a way just to control my emotions. I don't want to feel anything, so I stay away from anything that could make me feel something. My entire Life is just a self-imposed Isolation Chamber. I feel I could commit suicide, and no one would care.

I can't even tell if I have autism or a Personality Disorder.

What is wrong with me?

I was in similar circumstances a few years ago before I moved out and the issues haven't gone away but I'm trying to chip away at them to the best of my abilities. I got involved with VocRehab and eventually that ended up with me returning to school which is no small feat, it's painful and I hate doing it but it has to be tolerated to progress in life. There is going to be a lot of pain and discomfort for me in the future, the tiger has to change it's stripes or else. It's always been thru this pain and discomfort that I've motivated myself to do anything in my life, I have to first confront then fight against my own nature.

I can relate to your trust issues and about not letting people get close to you, some of the few people that have pierced those defenses ended up stabbing me in the back which has only made me more withdrawn and cautious. I had zero ambition as far as a career went and I really struggle with concrete decision making to the point that I don't make any, my ambition is driven simply by wanting to fit in and not disappoint the few people that have been there for me along the way. My main coping mechanism has always been avoidance, it's ingrained in my personality, but while avoidance may allow you relief in the short term in the long it gets you nowhere and just compounds things further.

It's hard to feel like a person sometimes, I compare my life experiences to others and it's impossible not to feel inadequate and like you've missed out on the human experience. There is a deficit between me and other people, my peers really aren't even my peers any more since they lapped me a few times by now. A lot of the time I fee like it's too late, I emotionally matured to the point where I actually want something with my life but the train left the station a long time ago. I wish 10 years younger, I would do so much different and I'm sure people older than me roll their eyes at that but I can't help but ruminate over those apparently all important years.

Hopefully you can find a direction in life, it might not be that comforting but you're not the only person that feels the way you do.

I have been in self imposed solitary confinement for many years now only to leave once every year or two. There is just too much anxiety dealing with humans.

same boat. i'm 6 years into NEETdom at this point after i stopped going to school at 16 due to not being able to take it.
i wouldn't say it's totally self-imposed though because i generally got treated like a subhuman out there, and few ppl want anything to do with autists really.
i have no helpful advice or words of support as i don't see any light from here, we're too deep down our own holes.

I would say that if you're feeling suicidal, then you must be feeling at least some level of internal pain, which would mean that you do actually care about things.

From what I can gather, the atmosphere that you find yourself in is increasingly toxic. Even if you don't feel that you care about getting out of there, I think you should still make an effort to do so anyway.

Right now, you probably feel like you're incapable of experiencing happiness again. But this is a result of your environment and the impact in which it is having on you.

Break the cycle and get yourself out of there. You will feel better about yourself when you do.

You don't know me and I don't know you, but I care if you hurt yourself. If I care there must be others that care as well correct? We care okay? There must be something in this world that garners your interest? Starkid might be onto something and may be worth investigating.

It seems like you very much need to make a change in your life to break the routine. Perhaps you can start with a part time job or volunteer work.