Being ignored

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Do you ever notice that when you speak people (strangers, coworkers, family members) just literally ignore you? This has been a problem for me my entire adult life and I don't understand why. My best guess is it is because my spoken thoughts are replies are always different than how a NT would reply and people just don't know how to respond. but i am trying so hard to say "normal" things. Does this happen to anyone else?

It rarely happens to me, but sometimes. Mainly when there are a number of people competing for attention, and I don't get it because someone else does.

I suggest if you feel you are being ignored, you ask the people why no one is responding, or perhaps it would be better to take one of them aside and ask privately, "When I said ______, why did you not respond?"

The answers might be informative. You may find you inadvertently spoke about something which was a "sore subject." Or you might find that people did not think your comment needed a reply. Anyway, asking for input from others is a good social skill to develop, and the first step to getting along better in groups.

Yes, there are plenty of times when I've made a suggestion, or asked what I thought was a pertinent question that's been totally ignored. Sometimes it's probably that I talk too quietly, though I get this objection less often now.

The times when I'm sure I've been heard and they ignore, I usually say to myself "Oh well, I tried" and move on. If someone really doesn't want to acknowledge you, it's rarely worth wasting your time trying to get them to.


Bea, I like your "ask them privately" idea better. If someone among a group is ignoring you, it's less likely for them to deviate from the herd and give any kind of decent answer especially if the group has intentionally decided to ignore you (I cite my experience in grade 5 through 12 as evidence).

Also, personally I may try to phrase it a little less direct. "When I said ____, did I say something wrong? I wondered because no one responded." Otherwise they may become defensive.

I'd need some samples to evaluate your self-expression. Other problems can be that some people are totally self-absorbed, or they may dismiss anything from people of generally different opinions, or who try to apply logic to change emotional convictions. You may be considered of low status for any number of reasons, or just a threat to their own authority. Your other friends may be getting you ostracized. Prejudice is often hidden. Your topics may not be polite, or you may be too persistent when agreement is blocked for some hidden reason. Maybe you just need to work on your timing, and not interrupt when people are busy. It could be odour, accent, fashion or other personal habits spoiling your credibility.

I wonder if it's a combination of body language and being more quiet in general. I'm not loud or talkative, but have a pretty stiff backbone which seems to surprise people.

Yes, been ignored most of my life.. co workers love to do it to me. Fortunately I am over that

All the time. It gets me very frustrated and therefore a completely new issue arises!