Finding the real you

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I see the real me as more about a few basuc principles. How I express those changes as I grow but the important parts stay the same. Life would get boring if tastes never changed even for small things. Everything old was new once.

It would scare me to find the real me because I don't want to face any angel as soon.


(To enjoy my life and to make jokes of everything is part of the real me. )

That would be nice .

_________________
I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!

The real me (good):

1. Loves animals (especially cats)
2. Loves to learn about things
3. Is compassionate
4. Is honest

The real me (not so good):

1. Is overly anxious
2. Is very hard on myself
3. Does dumb stuff
4. Can be frustrated at staying at the same level without change

Where and which does one start if one wants to find the real 'you'?

Would be the memories of the past and upbringing by those around you?
Would it be nature and things you did not acquired throughout your life, known or unknown?
Would it be the things that you thought or expect yourself to be, no matter how contradictory it is?
Would it be, based on where you are, who are you with, and the circumstances on how you act from how you feel?
Would it be, from any consequences, all based by which your body and mind perceives, and as others do and base yourself there?
Or something deeper than that, beyond yourself as a human that has something to do with heritage, environment, circumstances, or even one's own emotions?


I cannot rely on enumerating traits of 'myself'. That self may exist at certain times, or that self may not exist just because.

I barely had layers myself, and I change too quickly.
Either because of my body, my emotions, the things in my mind, the situations I'm in, or whoever I'm with. I don't consciously do this, more like I simply felt like doing it most at the time.
I may as well be formless for all I know, and didn't knew about it. I might've been a mirror that reflects others or a very obscure wall that shows nothing, no one could truly tell. Even the vibes I give off seems random, from the good to bad.

It's like I know how or why I stood out. But I wouldn't know if it's in a good or bad way, and turns out the truth was either or even both.

Well, it could be me not able to regulate my emotions, it just happens that some parts are easy to be with and some aren't, but I'm likely may lose it or fly off the handle.
Or, it could be just me in control and just riding with it and I'm capable of stopping myself no matter how intense it gets.

Usually, it changes is my demeanor. Then my inclined preferences, then turns as choices. I could be the shameful indecisive me backing out cautiously for the sake of the situation and others, or the shameless me showing off at everything and doing things on a whim.
Not even the onlookers could make up their minds. It doesn't matter how much of 'me' they see. They make their own conclusions if they see any changes, and let them be.

Of course, there are things that I'm holding myself back from or within. No matter how shameless or careless I may become, it's something I must hold back. It's either something very dark or very unwise. Think this hidden part of myself is my true self because it's hidden and held back? No! A part of me yes, but definitely not all of them. Likely not very major either, like most parts of me are.

If it shows, would I admit it even if someone wrongly concludes of they thought it was? Would I deny it even if it's the truth for the sake of something else, be it myself or others, or even a mere thought of yourself thought of what it was and justified? How can I say 'yes' or 'no' when neither was right or wrong?

So which is the real me here; the me deep down feeling remorse and regret, the me feeling the sadistic satisfaction of winning, or the me holding back both for the sake of pride, respect, humility, and morality?
Is it just the matter of how many layers are they? I wouldn't know. That's for you to decide.


And even so, I'm still exploring. Maybe I'm a bit young to be doing this, but I'm already a young adult myself and not a teenager. So why not?


In the end; the me may say let it be.
Then there's the me who will say it doesn't matter and die in the end anyway, and many would never found their real selves before their time. So why fuss about it?
Then there's a me who would say good luck to you and be careful about it.
Then there's the me who would just say meh like this post make any damn sense and post it anyway.
Heck, there's a me who is saying that it's 4 fricking AM and I'm sitting by the balcony with the wind of an incoming storm while catching the WIFI signal.
Then there's the me who had a worry that this post is too long, this post may derail it and kill the thread.
Then there's the me who thinks this thread is over several months old and I haven't seen the OP.
Then there's the me who could care less, and it's just me expressing things and did what I could to put words to it no matter how senseless the post is.
Then there's me who thinks this post isn't enough. Then there's me that feels this post is too long that I should stop now.

Last but not the least, a part of me thinks this is just ridiculous.

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