Autism, Harm, and Good Intentions

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The philosopher Nietzsche wrote about two different systems of morality. In consequentialist morality, the morality of an action is judged by whether its outcome is good or bad. In deontological morality, the morality of an action is judged by whether its intention is good or evil. One moral code judges an action by its outcome, the other by its intention.

So now we come to autism, and the harm that it does to some people. I'm thinking of two specific individuals, both Aspies: my father, and an ex-girlfriend of mine. These two individuals caused siginificant emotional harm to the people close to them because of their autism.

My dad is a pretty crappy husband to my mom because he's emotionally unresponsive, distant, appears to lack empathy, and makes little effort to understand her needs. As a father to me he was similar, and he never did respond to me emotionally unless I really made it extremely obvious what I wanted. As a result, me and my mom both felt abandoned and rejected.

My ex-girlfriend was similar. Though I admit I made my own contributions to our rocky relationship, I can say unequivocally that she was the worst of the seven girlfriends I've had. She was rude, insulting, unaffectionate, lacked empathy, and generally behaved arrogantly. When I was dating her, I felt lonely and rejected much of the time.

So both of these people caused significant harm to the people close to them. And yet, we can clearly say that this harm was not intentional. To the contrary, I think that my dad tried to be a good father and husband, but because of his autism, he failed badly and ended up causing significant harm. My ex-girlfriend clearly was trying to be a better person and was trying to make our relationship good, but her autism made her unable to be a good partner.

So are these two people good people or bad people? I know that they couldn't help themselves. They had good intentions, but they caused significant harm in spite of their good intentions. According to consequentialist ethics, they were bad people, because the outcome of their actions was bad. According to deontological ethics, they were good people because their intentions were good, even though the outcome was bad.

What do you think?