The perpetual feeling of being out of place.

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I came back from Harry Potter World in Hollywood and flew back from L.A. and it reminded me of how much I don't fit in with my family or even my college friends. I've always been a bit of an oddball and I connect to Luna Lovegood on a very deep level.

I don't even feel accepted in my own family. Even though they claim to love me, they make me feel like crap. They yell at me, I feel judged, I feel like they don't listen, I feel like I can't do or say almost anything without someone getting ticked off or responding sarcastically. I honestly have thought about leaving, especially because I'm 18, but they have me under extended guardianship until next summer. Also my mom still supports Autism Speaks, even though I've tried to tell her how bad they are.

I mean, I have a good friend group at college, I suppose; they're kind to me, they sit with me at meals, and they hang out with me, but I still feel like the odd wheel of the group at times and, because of something that happened in high school, I'm scared that someone in my friend group will betray/belittle/manipulate me again and I won't know until it's done a significant amount of damage to me.

I need someone who can be like Luna Lovegood with me. Sometimes I wish I could be friends, or even sisters, with Luna Lovegood because then I'd have someone who I can relate to more.

And it wouldn't be much of a problem if I wasn't struggling between that and also wanting to be an individual.

I'm honestly at a loss of direction right now.

By all means, enjoy your friends and family to the best of your ability. But, also learn to befriend and rely on yourself. Other people, whether they mean to or not will not always say/do the right thing and it's not always because they intend to misstep. But when they do, it's best that you be there to take care of yourself. I see nothing wrong with incorporating the best features of fictional characters into your own. Every "character" in life, real or not contributes to who you are. An individual is a combination of characters, I think.

I hope some of that is helpful, at least.