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I feel like a borderline person

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abirdsingsinsilence
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 31 Mar 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13

31 Mar 2017, 5:18 pm

What I mean is, I don't seem to fit anywhere. I don't fit in with your average Joes. I don't find pleasure in talking about who came in last night to the flat smashed out of their mind, and who hooked up with who last week, and that someone I don't know saw someone else I don't know at the shop last Wednesday wearing a horrible dress/ suit. Equally, I feel like I can blend in with the group, I can involve myself enough as to make it seem like I'm not out of place, but I don't enjoy it.

In academia, I find myself constantly fluctuating between interests, and this makes some of my work excellent, and some of it awful. I cannot be consistent in anything I do and I wish I could.

Relationships scare me, I don't like the uncertainty that comes with it. I don't like being out of my element. Again, I would probably overcome this if I met somebody I liked enough. I always get put off by something they say or do, or I get bored of them really easily. Whatever it is, I can't seem to be 'normal' here either.

I feel like I have alot of problems with anxiety, depression, maybe even bipolar, but I direct all of this back onto myself. Because I am not outwardly and visibly destructive, I mask it well and it goes unoticed. I have tried to reach out to doctors but they just want to give me drugs and send me packing. I just need someone to care about me enough to help me, and I don't think anyone ever will.

There, that's a quick overview. I feel vivaciously invisible. A ghost wearing human things. An unfinished painting left in the attic.

I merely wanted to offload how I felt, but if anyone feels the same I welcome anything they've done to overcome these issues?


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 141 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 62 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


antnego
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2017
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 134

31 Mar 2017, 6:00 pm

abirdsingsinsilence wrote:
What I mean is, I don't seem to fit anywhere. I don't fit in with your average Joes. I don't find pleasure in talking about who came in last night to the flat smashed out of their mind, and who hooked up with who last week, and that someone I don't know saw someone else I don't know at the shop last Wednesday wearing a horrible dress/ suit. Equally, I feel like I can blend in with the group, I can involve myself enough as to make it seem like I'm not out of place, but I don't enjoy it.

In academia, I find myself constantly fluctuating between interests, and this makes some of my work excellent, and some of it awful. I cannot be consistent in anything I do and I wish I could.

Relationships scare me, I don't like the uncertainty that comes with it. I don't like being out of my element. Again, I would probably overcome this if I met somebody I liked enough. I always get put off by something they say or do, or I get bored of them really easily. Whatever it is, I can't seem to be 'normal' here either.

I feel like I have alot of problems with anxiety, depression, maybe even bipolar, but I direct all of this back onto myself. Because I am not outwardly and visibly destructive, I mask it well and it goes unoticed. I have tried to reach out to doctors but they just want to give me drugs and send me packing. I just need someone to care about me enough to help me, and I don't think anyone ever will.

There, that's a quick overview. I feel vivaciously invisible. A ghost wearing human things. An unfinished painting left in the attic.

I merely wanted to offload how I felt, but if anyone feels the same I welcome anything they've done to overcome these issues?


I've felt like all of that before. Welcome. You don't have to stay stuck in it, though.

Have you considered finding a good counselor to process your issues with? You definitely sound depressed. Depression can be overcome, although it doesn't feel easy at first.

There's people out there in the real world you might relate to, you just have to look carefully to find them :) I don't like or "get" most people, but I have people in my life I do. It's a small social circle, but a good one.


_________________
My neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 155 of 200

My neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 82 of 200

I am very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

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Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 76
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,721
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

02 Apr 2017, 1:06 am

Being bored with the daily gossip is a hallmark of intelligence, but it is also pretty useless for making large numbers of friends. However, there are other smart, lonely people out there who might like to spend time with you. Finding them might involve looking up people whose work you admire, if they are not too famous and hard to approach.