16 months and on the spectrum but where ?

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Hello everyone,

I know this board is dedicated to Aspies and it may not be the right place for me to write this post, but I so desperately need help and advices for my daughter.

I'm a first time mum and my DD is 16 and a half month old. I started worrying about her right after her first birthday. She was still refusing to bear weight on her feet. Her father was a late walker and talker so at first I brushed my own worries away but I still went online to read about developmental milestones. That's when I realized that my daughter wasn't doing two very important things: pointing and responding to her name consistently !

Since then, I've been watching her like an hawk. She has a lot of red flags:
- still doesn't point at all. When she wants something, she will reach and cry but never point or look back
- can sometimes look where I point but not all the time.
- can't walk independently, only cruises
- lately started hand leading: she will grab my hand and put it on whatever she wants me to do for her (can't take me to places since she can't walk)
- has her very own PECS : she will take the wrapping paper of her food and hand it to me when she's hungry or want a snack
- has a poor receptive language: only understands a few one step commands (give me, sit down, stand up, come here...)
- has a very poor expressive language: only says mama appropriately; she also has dada and no but she throws them randomly. She repeats some words once or twice and never use them again (baby, bye bye, night night...)
- when we're outdoors, she will never acknowledge something new or interesting in anyway. She will sit in her stroller and watch dogs etc. come close with no reaction.

On the + side, she :
- is very social (never in her own little world)
- plays with other children
- no sensory issue
- sleeps well, eats everything under the sun
- has no problem with changes in routine
- has no repetitive behavior or stimming
- has some pretend play
- uses tools appropriately
- good fine motor skills
- can imitate social actions
- has decent eye contact and social referencing. She also has a good 3 point gaze.
- waves and claps, plays peekaboo but rarely initiate any of those
- gives a lot, mostly to ask for help but sometimes just to show.

Despite the positives ,her receptive speech delay plus the lack of pointing or any form of proto declarative gesture plus the gross motor delay makes me thing she is most likely on the spectrum. Because of the speech delay, she is definitively not an Aspie. Now the question is, where on the spectrum is she ? Can she be low functioning despite the few positives she has ? How can I help her ?
We're French and here, the system is terrible when it comes to dealing with autism. I'm on my own.

I think the most important thing to do is to avoid focusing on/worrying about 'where' on the spectrum someone is. The spectrum is not a straight line - people have different strengths and weaknesses - and someone's ability can change from one day to the next (and from one environment to the next).

If your daughter is autistic - and this is something that I hope you can find professional support for - then the only important bit is finding what works for her. A 'functioning' label won't make that happen. Focus on her individual strengths, weaknesses and needs.

She's very young, at that age they struggle to diagnose ASD, let alone where on the spectrum the kid is. I'm high functioning, diagnosed Asperger's, and at her age, I was in my own world, didn't play with other kids, had sensory issues, had problems with change in routine, had repetitive behaviour, lacked pretend play, I wouldn't show things, and I'm unsure if I imitated. I have a sibling, who is not autistic, with delayed speech and motor skills. She may be like her dad and be fine, just delayed. You'd need a doctor to assess for autism, it's not a certainty she has it.

I think you need to relax and enjoy your child and stop worrying about whether she's autistic or not. Time will tell if she's autistic.

^^^ I agree with Schultz. In addition, there are a lot of things that you mentioned that don't check the boxes as well. At 18 months, love them and enjoy them at this age....these toddler months go by way too fast. (I am a parent of two boys) I think that it is great that you are engaged. Keep an eye on things but enjoy being a mom. If the things you have noticed are not creating deficits in your child's life then there are none to speak of. Kind Regards. Shark

I agree with the above.

Whether they are autism caused or not unless her traits are causing harm to herself or others you should not think of them as positive or negatives just as her. We all are humans not some machine that if it does not do what it is supposed to do we send it back to the repair shop. Those growth markers are averages, nobody is going to hit them exactly. All of us will be below some of them and above others. if we are below the average that does not mean we will not catch up or surpass the average later as we mature.

She is so very young, maturation will happen. Enjoy her at this precoius stage in life. It will be over all too soon, the next stage will have begun. Before you know it you will be worrying about the date she is on.

Your child is only 16 months old. I don't see anything, really, that indicates autism. You stated your child is very "social." This argues against autism. Autistic children, by their very nature, are NOT social.

Now.....if all your child does is line up toys, if your child doesn't initiate anything social with you, if your child absolutely NEVER repeats what you say, if your child has NO speech at all, if your child is always in his/her "own little world," then I might worry a little bit.

I might do an assessment for your child, anyway, in case there is some kind of "disorder." It doesn't seem as if your child will be diagnosed with anything at this point, though. Then, if a disorder is found, your child could take advantage of early intervention services.

I would only advocate early intervention if some sort of disorder is actually diagnosed.

If I am told to "wait until the 2 year old checkup," I would wait.

When a kid is young, they don't put the kid "through the ringer" when they are assessing him/her. Much of the time, the diagnostician observes how the child plays. They make a great effort not to give the child the impression that he/she is being assessed.

Hello,

Thanks to all of you for your answers.
I’m kind of surprised tho to read statements like “she is social, she can’t be autistic”. I
It’s particularly surprising since people on this board are supposed to be familiar with ASD.
Being social doesn’t rule out ASD. I’m sure about that. I talked to a lot of ASD mum on another board and a lot of them had very social children who still got a dx of ASD.

In my DD’s case, I’m not sure of anything anymore. She started pointing a few days ago. It is late and not at peers level (she doesn’t point that often; does it mainly to request, not to show and won’t look back to see if I’m looking). Plus ASD can’t explain the late walking. She’s 17 months now and still not walking. I’m now really worried about a possible intellectual disability

I know I won’t know for sure before a long time and that I should try and relax but I can’t.