I suspect my interests are only acts to elevate my esteem

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I was diagnosed Aspergers in 2015. I don't know...

I've been called stupid so much in my life;I just do not know if my obsessional interests are only areas for escapism. Or to elevate my self esteem,so I can drop some knowledge to everyone to 'prove' I'm not as stupid as they think I am. So I can kind of model myself into a fake intellectuall,if you understand me.

Nevertheless,the intense interests are there,and do run wild.

I just don't know. My life's a mess.

So you're questioning your diagnoses or only that part of it?

I think one of the first stages of a diagnoses is denial so you go through why you don't have it and come up with reasons why those are not symptoms.

Sometimes a person does know themselves better than their own doctor who gives the diagnoses to know it doesn't fit. I find if you question yourself and your symptoms, pretty much everyone sees it as you going through denial and not accepting it. But sometimes that person is really correct about themselves. Not saying you're correct here about yourself.

I guess it was an observation.

Then again,I was fascinated with Paganism at age 12 before I started having intense self esteem and bullying issues. So..I just don't know. I'm really racking my brains,trying to find the source for everything.

There's an old gag, where some pivotal fact is left out of the discussion. The ignorant person complains that he is never told, out of exasperation. The smart person says, 'You never asked.'

You can be considered rude, for being a know-it-all, and also for not saying something important.

It is generally better not to help others, when you are not being solicited for help. At least, volunteerism has never turned out well, for me.

"Going Gault", in the moment of decision, is considered traitorous, and there are different opinions, on this issue.

I think, the important thing is being conscious that you are refusing to help, when someone appears to need help.

I think I get what you mean. I often feel I would be worthless without my interests. Deep down I know it isn't true.

Why not both?

As in your special interests do serve as a form of escape for you while also being a part of your autism.

Having low self esteem may also result in you 'knowledge dropping' information about your interests... or it could be leading you to believe you are doing this when really you just enjoy talking about them?