Being verbal kinda sucks

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I was nonverbal as a child and just repeated what I heard. Overtime I learned it had a meaning and eventually I learned how to answer other people's questions by "scripting" if I could think of something that gave them the information they wanted. I CANNOT answer questions "in my own words", I cannot "elaborate". I'm always getting in trouble at school because I can't elaborate. If I go to college/university, I might get in trouble because my answers will be word for word from the textbook unless I get a REALLY understanding professor. I had speech therapy as a kid and my mom had to use ASL with me; but they didn't get that far. Could I get speech therapy as an adult? The only time I've heard about adults getting speech therapy is for learning to speak again after an accident of some-kind or for immigrants who want to loose their accent. Could something work for someone who doesn't know how put things into their "own" words?
At work today the vet explained that a dog is basically mute and in a country that doesn't speak its language...I didn't bother to explain that's how I feel too because I'm so good at remembering phrases and people assume that means I know the language. I don't even think they are aware I'm on the spectrum and I'd like to keep it that way if possible.

I've had to just suffer with medical stuff sometimes because I couldn't come up with the right words to describe what I was feeling to the doctor or even my parents. People assume I am high functioning and verbal because I've gotten so good at "scripting". How can I put things in my "own words" when I don't have words of my own. I use big words because my mom home-schooled me and I did a LOT of vocabulary and reading comprehension workbooks. So it just appears I know more than I actually do. Just ask me to answer a question in my "own" words or to elaborate and I'm screwed. I can get my words out better on a computer screen and keyboard better than I can in actual spoken conversation. I think this might be part of the reason why the few people I consider my closest friends (a zoologist from South Africa and an artist from Germany) and I are so close, yet we've never actually spoken with speech. Sometimes I wish I was non verbal...because in a way, I actually am.

I guess I am not the only one who doesnt know how to respond.
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I am sure that you realize that your post is a seeming contradiction of it's self: an articulate well worded statement about how...you are inarticulate and cant use words. So its hard for many, like me, to wrap my head around it.

Yeah..I know. You said that you do better in text than you do speaking in person.

But still-there must be some way for you to transfer writing skill to speaking skill.

My way of dealing with external factors which influence me detrimentally is building up my interior. Instead of wishing I wasn't verbal in order to diminish the amount of problems that I'm confronted with I either choose to accept or to deny. When someone calls me fat I deny it, because I know I'm not fat based on a societal standard and the meaning of the word. When someone call me a coward I know there's some strain of truth, but then I can rationalize that there are many other people that are in my position and aren't the bravest people when it comes to confrontation. I can also rationalize that I'm being rational in my own definition of the word, and trying to find the best way to deal with an issue.

I wrote way to large of an example paragraph to show my point, so I'll just summarize it. In order to deal with problems on the outside, we need to strengthen ourselves on the inside. When someone says something and you wish you weren't verbal, just try to think of both the benefits of being verbal and the ability you have to influence what others tell you from an internal perspective.

Wow.

There might be ways to get professional help. But it sounds like you would need a specialist in a specialty that doesnt exist yet (part speech therapist, and part shrink- and shrink with a special expertise in autism).

I completely understand that, MagicMeerkat.

I need a script to speak, a template to write. I hate being told to "show my understanding" by putting it in my own words. Changing the wording changes the meaning, so I quote word for word from the source.

I also wish more people saw me as non-verbal. Maybe, then, they would do more to help me communicate, make sure to avoid miscommunication.

_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

"I am silently correcting your grammar."

I agree with you MagicMeerkat, being verbal does kind of suck. I have the same problem as you where, when I'm under stress, or I'm anxious, it becomes really hard for me to get the words out of my mouth, like they're stuck in the back of my throat, and my tongue won't cooperate and make them come out. I've recently been learning to use echolalia to get my point across in situations where I can't access my own words. For instance, last week I had a massive meltdown at social skills group, and left the room in a hurry. When one of the group leaders found me yelling and hitting myself in the hallway outside, he asked, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I didn't have access to my own words at that point, but I wanted to let him know I'd heard him, so he wouldn't ask again and agitate me more, so I just said, "Talk to you for a minute" and he understood what I meant.

I recently watched the new Sesame Street episode with Julia, the new autistic character, and I really liked how she used echolalia as her primary form of communication, and that everyone always understood what she was trying to say. It would be so much easier for me if I could borrow others' words all the time, not just in situations where I physically can't get my own words to come out.

Honestly i am so happy to hear (read) that other autistics feel the same way as i do.

For the majority of my life i have been able to talk, but it doesn't just feel "natural" to me.

And for the past few years i have significant issues talking about important stuff like how i feel, how i am, what i need. When i am stressed i go nonverbal and cant speak or communicate effectively (even with AAC it is a struggle) and for the past months (started a bit before christmas) i have had trouble speaking at home (like saying goodbye as a reply to goodnight, or goodnight when someone says goodmorning). Also leaving off the end of the word or just "mumbling" it.

I am verbal and talk a lot, but not the above mentioned stuff (how i feel, what i need, what i want (such as a hug, snack)).

I am considering communicating more with AAC (speech app on iPad) but i am afraid that people would think "i want to be special" and that "i dont actually need it" and that i am weird/ret*d.

Are you kidding? Being verbal is wonderful. It's great to talk to people, to hear about what's going on in their lives, and to make new friends. What's wrong with talking?

I also feel that being verbal kind of sucks, though for different reasons. Parents make more allowances for their non-verbal children whether they're 4, or in their 40s. They let their children have their comfort objects within their sight range. Parents of verbal offspring don't make that allowance. They feel that if their kids are verbal, they can go without their comfort items and grow up to meet their high standards.