Are Aspies Misunderstood By Everyone

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From what I have I read it appears that Aspie's are sometimes misunderstood , is it just NT's that misunderstand ?

As an Aspie are you more likely to understand another Aspie more than an NT might ?

Or is it a case of - if you know roughly how an Aspie brain works you can usually work out what an Aspie means even if you are NT?

Last edited by SaveFerris on 03 May 2017, 8:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can spot an aspie among friends, and may sometimes have more empathy with such friends, but on average, I find other aspies harder to understand than NTs. There's just more variety, only some of it near my corner.

Do you think that is individual to you or do you think other Aspies feel the same?

I'd give 2:1 odds on finding general agreement here, unless the word meanings slip.

I just changed my original post as I'm not sure it was clear enough ( typical on a post on misunderstandings ).

Basically what I was asking is:

Who is most likely to understand a misunderstood Aspie ? Another Aspie or an NT

For me? NT, without a doubt. Those who think about others a lot have always been the most understanding, and having strong communication, empathy, and people skills in general, they're definitely not autistic.

This idea that we all think the same leads to wrong assumptions (I think like this, she thinks like this) and more misunderstanding.

When someone knows that they don't understand (and they want to understand), they will try to. If someone thinks they understand, they just run with those assumptions, and as they're often wrong (because we are not all the same), it leads to being more misunderstood.

The biggest midunderstanding in my life is that people tend to think I am angry when I am not.

A few jobs back, I got hauled in front of a director because she'd had complaints that I scared people and was always angry. I'm not angry, I just have a very frowny face because I'm thinking all the time!

For me I feel best understood by the people who just give me bit more time to speak.
Having said that, I just called my best friend last night (she now lives quite far away) and told her about my late diagnosis and how it's been affecting me and she revealed that she had the same diagosis a few years ago. I think the fact that we are both Aspies has helped us understand each other and accept each other, because we are both similarly affected by it. But I don't think being an Aspie automatically gives you understanding, and my husband does hie best to understand and finds out by asking and learning from my behaviour.
I think it works both ways but it depends vrey much on whether the person wants to understand.

Thanks for you answers guys , I think that answers my question.

It would seem that people with very good people skills are the most likely to understand which appears to rules out a lot of Aspies and some NT's as well.

If anyone wants to know why I asked this question it is because I suspect two people in my life have AS and are often misunderstood but I seem to be able to understand where others fail. I was thinking as I suspect I also have AS I might be sort of tuned in to an Aspie way of thinking. It now appears that I am either very good at reading what people actually mean or I have spent too long with these people and have been Aspergated

LOL...yep - we're often misunderstood by everyone - including ourselves half the time! Our path of development and timetables for social, mental and even physical growth are different - for us the future is always uncharted territory.

As for being concerned with NT attitudes? - Aspie success in the NT arena (read 'world at large') depends on our understanding of them - not their concepts of us. Please notice I said concept - it is an exceedingly rare NT who truly understands an Aspie or anyone anywhere on the non-NT spectrum. In fact, the whole system of categorizing, comparing and condemning according people to 'type' is at the root of a system that prevents true understanding of other people and creating social interactions that are truly functional or 'real' - or most important, loving and kind.

Story of a scene in Walgreen's

Yesterday at the pharmacy in the prescription waiting area, I saw an older man and a boy. The boy was about 9 or 10 give or take...and clearly somewhere deep, deep on somebody's 'spectrum'. - he was toe walking, gently stimming, utterly non verbal in the common mode of speech - he moaned, crooned and made happyish sounds, and as for eye contact or any other sort of direct interaction? - nope, he was almost happily 'locked in', but he stayed very close to the man. He faced the man, not touching but almost and the man faced him in a relaxed way...and I smiled and nodded to the man in a 'hello', it was not my place to say anything or approach them - the child's inner adventures seemed precarious and I know how unwanted interruptions can cause meltdowns.

The man's hands were 'full' - but his heart was even fuller - He interacted in a kind and calm way with the child- firm, fair and filled with an obvious love and respect. He just kept pointing and patting at the chair in the waiting area and softly asking him to sit down. He noticed the boy's bopping and 'singing' - was it perhaps to the piped in music? Who could tell, he just quietly acknowledged him 'you like that song, don't you? - and kept asking him to sit next to him on the bench. Not the slightest hint of frustration or impatience came from the man, just a gentle acceptance and request while the boy happy stimmed and crooned...eventually the song changed, the boy sat down and began to look around...It was a sweet scene and It looked like this kid was in a good spot.

Once upon a time, this child would not have been let out in public...he would have been forcefully 'controlled' - possibly in a harsh manner (perhaps he still is controlled with meds or something) I do not presume to understand this child's world...but I'm glad their's touched mine for a few moments. And I'm glad that unlike the childhood I experienced, there are caring adults out there. I was never this deeply autistic - just a weird little girl who seemed to irritate most of the world - there were no Aspie diagnoses in the 50's.

Not sure why I wanted to tell this scene over...perhaps it went a way to say that there is maybe more healing nowadays.

I used to hate being misunderstood by NTs, because I used to assume that NTs don't misunderstand other NTs, but I was wrong.
So, maybe misunderstanding is just life.

Other aspies tend to think all aspies are quirky, secret geniuses who are just too darn intelligent, nerdy, and logical to be understood by "NTs." There are a lot of those at the adult aspergers group I sometimes go to.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not autistic, although for many years I suspected it and so did many other people.

In short, I understand people on the spectrum better than so-called 'neurotypicals', on the whole. I can't think in the way a lot of 'normal' people think; their thought process puzzle and appal me at times. I almost require interaction with ASD people. I wouldn't want to live in a world where ASD didn't exist.

I love the way a lot of autistic people really bite into ideas, aren't affected by taboos and are honest.

So no, you're not misunderstood by everyone.

Well, I tend to believe it's like what others have said: That it depends-on whether someone WANTS to understand (Aspies AND NTs)----and, also, their capability for being able to put themselves in someone else's shoes; and, unfortunately, that seems to be more NTs, than Aspies; so, no, I don't think it's just NTs that misunderstand.

I think that I, PERSONALLY, am more likely than an NT to understand, because chances are, I've "been there"; but, also, because I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes. I've gotten the feeling, however, that that's not a common trait amongst Aspies----and it seems to be more common, amongst NTs.

Also, I think there's a difference between understanding and acceptance----and, I think MOST Aspies AND NTs, when they understand, are capable of acceptance; BUT, I think some of BOTH, DON'T, sometimes, for whatever reason. I think with BOTH that's it's quite possible that one of the reasons might be because they don't WANT to accept because, then, they might have to accept that the other person struggles more than THEY do, and they would no longer be able to justify their feeling sorry for themselves----NOT all (Aspies and NTs), are like that, of course.