Embarrassed by Work Accommodations

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Has anyone else had experience with this? I work in a small office (total of nine regular employees), and everyone knows about and is accepting of my autism. I work at a non-profit center that provides services to people with disabilities, so they all know what they're dealing with. I need quite a few accommodations in order to do my work, all of which have been swiftly met without question, and I don't have a problem with most of them, as they're fairly unobtrusive. My big problem now is that I had a bad meltdown last week, and by bad I mean half the office saw it, the other half heard it, and my boss watched my friend put me in a restraint so I'd stop slamming my head into the wall. Ever since then, everyone has been annoyingly overprotective.

The aforementioned boss and friend had an hour-long conversation with me about places around the office I could use as "safe spaces" when I felt like I was going to lose it again, but they rejected every place they thought of because it had hard surfaces that they worried I might hurt myself on, which, while sensible, is still humiliating.

Since then, my job coaches have become involved, and they want to get a weighted blanket for me to use at the office. This is a good idea, since I have a weighted blanket at home that really helps me, the only problem is, I don't want to be seen as the office crazy person who disappears periodically to hide under a stupid blanket. It's the principle of the thing I guess. I want my office mates to make a clear delineation between me and the disabled people they serve, and it's really hard to do that when I behave just like those people. I know I should be grateful for all the help I'm receiving, and I really am, I know I got very lucky, but that doesn't stop me from also feeling embarrassed that I should need this much help. The whole thing just highlights how much I wish I could be like everyone else.

Nobody is like everybody else; it's a continuum. Also, "everybody else" includes your clients. They don't want to be embarrassed by needing accommodations either. People need what they need, unless they are faking it.

I'm sorry that it got to that point and that you are embarrassed about it. Try to be honest when they over protect. Tell them how much you appreciate the fact that they care but that you really want to just fit in. They are still going to be concerned but hopefylly not excessively. It's nice that yhey like you and care.

You are lucky they care enough to not just let you bang yourself unconscious. My husband's coworkers did. Then they let him lay there bleeding from his head until the manager bothered to call 911 an hour later.

This is your coworkers' problem.

You see it as a meltdown. You feel horrible. On their end, they are watching a grown adult, and equal, behaving violently. It is really hard to watch a person harm themselves. It is a tall order to have a non family member "to deal", "take one for the team" or "ignore it."

I would try the weighted blanket, because frankly if my co worker is unraveling, I would rather have her quiet in a blanket, than screaming and self harming.

You need to try any and all reasonable suggestions. I think your employer is being beyond fair. My husband was fired due to a co worker filing a workmen's comp claim for PTSD. The co worker was more valuable than my husband to the company. The claim was my husband's "outrageous behavior" made it hostile work environment that triggered PTSD. Yeah...I know.

It is what it is. You have problems with being overwhelmed, then acting out. No work place will let you lash out like that on a regular basis. The first melt down my husband had, the company forced him on sick leave for 6 months.

The other part is the liability on their end. If you bang your head and really hurt yourself, you can sue saying why would a company accommodated a person with Autism with a room that can harm themselves. You'd say you would never sue. Their lawyers are saying trust no one.

PS. You also have no idea what the coworkers discussed amongst themselves or with the manager. Or even with legal.

Personally, I'd have a group meeting and put it all out on the table. At least you could tell them they don't have to walk on egg shells or actively avoid you because they are scared of triggering you. (or whatever you really need from them)

I wish you well. That company is one in a million.

Has anyone else had experience with this? I work in a small office (total of nine regular employees), and everyone knows about and is accepting of my autism. I work at a non-profit center that provides services to people with disabilities, so they all know what they're dealing with. I need quite a few accommodations in order to do my work, all of which have been swiftly met without question, and I don't have a problem with most of them, as they're fairly unobtrusive. My big problem now is that I had a bad meltdown last week, and by bad I mean half the office saw it, the other half heard it, and my boss watched my friend put me in a restraint so I'd stop slamming my head into the wall. Ever since then, everyone has been annoyingly overprotective.

The aforementioned boss and friend had an hour-long conversation with me about places around the office I could use as "safe spaces" when I felt like I was going to lose it again, but they rejected every place they thought of because it had hard surfaces that they worried I might hurt myself on, which, while sensible, is still humiliating.

Since then, my job coaches have become involved, and they want to get a weighted blanket for me to use at the office. This is a good idea, since I have a weighted blanket at home that really helps me, the only problem is, I don't want to be seen as the office crazy person who disappears periodically to hide under a stupid blanket. It's the principle of the thing I guess. I want my office mates to make a clear delineation between me and the disabled people they serve, and it's really hard to do that when I behave just like those people. I know I should be grateful for all the help I'm receiving, and I really am, I know I got very lucky, but that doesn't stop me from also feeling embarrassed that I should need this much help. The whole thing just highlights how much I wish I could be like everyone else.

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in a previous job, I worked as a Recordkeeping Assistant, for a retirement firm. the supervisor was a Certified Public Accountant. my job was to work on someone's retirement accounts. during the job interview, I disclosed that I was autistic. the supervisor's entire face changed. she was by far the most severe, in reaction. based on her expression, she made it look like I just told her that I got convicted of raping children.

then the little turd had the nerve to ask how I knew to get a diagnosis. she asked if I had siblings. answered. she asked if my sister was autistic. answered no. she was like "she's normal?". "normal"? she did not even know the word "neurotypical".

and, of course, it was illegal, at that place, at that time to ask questions about a job applicant's disability. unless the questions are about ADA mandated reasonable accommodations. however, even though she was ignorant, arrogant, and judgmental, she knew what she was doing. the interview was in an empty room with a closed door. no witnesses. and besides, it would have been illegal for an applicant (me) to tape record or videotape the interaction, without written consent of the other party. so, of course, even if I did take out a civil lawsuit against her/them, what makes me think the judge/jury would have believed me?

answer: it is hard to imagine that anyone would believe me or care. and if someone did, they would not be in a position of authority.

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"everyone knows about and is accepting of my autism."

when I disclosed to the supervisor, I wanted ADA mandated reasonable accommodations. but her reaction was so extreme, severe, surprising, and disgusting, that I forgot it. (stupid me).

having said that, maybe it would have been functionally necessary, for everyone in the office, not just the supervisor, to know about my autism. but there did not seem to be a convenient time or way to tell them. besides, they might not have been receptive. only if I could make them attend autism awareness training. but of course I do not have that kind of power.

"I need quite a few accommodations in order to do my work, all of which have been swiftly met without question,"
ok, I have read a lot of books about autism. and still I struggle about what accommodations, if any, to ask.
if you do not want to answer this question, then please just ignore it. but what are those accommodations? the reason why I am asking what the accommodations are, is b/c maybe I could request the same accommodations on other jobs. if and when someone makes the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse. which might never happen again.

"My big problem now is that I had a bad meltdown last week, and by bad I mean half the office saw it, the other half heard it, and my boss watched my friend put me in a restraint so I'd stop slamming my head into the wall. Ever since then, everyone has been annoyingly overprotective."

if this question is none of my business, please just ignore it. but what triggered the "bad meltdown"? what, if anything, could you have done to reduce the risk?

"job coaches"? did you have to hire them? did your job provide them? did they come through department of rehab? where did the job coaches come from? how many were there? the reason why I ask, is b/c I wonder if/where I could get one.

"The whole thing just highlights how much I wish I could be like everyone else."
yes I wish I could be like everyone else too. someone normal has safety in numbers. someone normal does not need a weighed blanket for security. someone normal can have normal social interactions. normal conversations. get accepted without undue explanation. neurotypical.

but, it ain't your coworkers fault you ain't neurotypical.

and it is to your employer's credit that they gave you all those accommodations.

Life is short and ours can be hard enough take advantage of anything that can make things a bit easier, I'm very familiar with that feeling of embarrassment I've been trying to remind myself lately that those who matter understand and those who don't understand don't matter

"I need quite a few accommodations in order to do my work, all of which have been swiftly met without question,"
ok, I have read a lot of books about autism. and still I struggle about what accommodations, if any, to ask.
if you do not want to answer this question, then please just ignore it. but what are those accommodations? the reason why I am asking what the accommodations are, is b/c maybe I could request the same accommodations on other jobs. if and when someone makes the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse. which might never happen again.

My accommodations include: having my shift start and end half an hour later than everyone else's, because my sleeping medication makes it hard for me to wake up early, and a "smart pen" which audio records things as I write, because I have a hard time taking notes and determining what's relevant enough to be written down vs what isn't. I also have a handful of discreet fidget toys that I can bring with me to meetings and play with under the table, and they help me to minimise the obviousness of my stimming, which would otherwise include a lot of unconscious rocking and picking at loose fibres on my clothes.

I also receive on-site job coaching on an appointment-by-appointment basis. This woman helps me with things like social skills, interacting during meetings, organisation, and, most recently, stress management. I sometimes have to go to various locations around my state for trainings, conferences, etc., sometimes overnight and my anxiety about traveling alone, coupled with my executive functioning skills that are too poor for me to figure out everything I need to do, means that I am allowed to have a co-worker or job coach accompany me on trips that, had it been anyone else, they would have been expected to go alone.

"My big problem now is that I had a bad meltdown last week, and by bad I mean half the office saw it, the other half heard it, and my boss watched my friend put me in a restraint so I'd stop slamming my head into the wall. Ever since then, everyone has been annoyingly overprotective."

if this question is none of my business, please just ignore it. but what triggered the "bad meltdown"? what, if anything, could you have done to reduce the risk?

My meltdown was triggered because I learned that day that one of my clients died. She was the second in less than a month to do so, and the second client death I had ever experienced. I was very overwhelmed and trying to hold it together, but there were several people talking loudly in the hall outside my office, coupled with the general noise of an office (phones ringing, pagers beeping, the printer scanning, etc.). My senses become even more heightened than normal when I'm overwhelmed, so all the noise which would normally have been just irritating, wound up pushing me over the edge.

"job coaches"? did you have to hire them? did your job provide them? did they come through department of rehab? where did the job coaches come from? how many were there? the reason why I ask, is b/c I wonder if/where I could get one.

I have two job coaches; one through the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation (DVR), who uses government funds to pay for my assistive gadgets and on-site job coaching, and the other, who is the on-site job coach hired by DVR. All I had to do was make an appointment with DVR and bring my identifying documentation (state ID and, in my case, green card, as I'm not a US citizen), as well as the medical report which confirmed my autism diagnosis. Once it was determined that finding employment, and later, job coaching, were going to be things I needed help with, DVR paid to outsource me to an employment assistance center, where I met the woman who would become my job coach. Before she was my coach though, she helped me find my job. She went over my resume, helped me practise interview skills, and helped search for job listings. I wouldn't be where I am today without her. If you can, I'd highly recommend reaching out to your local DVR; they were a huge help to me.

"The whole thing just highlights how much I wish I could be like everyone else."
yes I wish I could be like everyone else too. someone normal has safety in numbers. someone normal does not need a weighed blanket for security. someone normal can have normal social interactions. normal conversations. get accepted without undue explanation. neurotypical.

but, it ain't your coworkers fault you ain't neurotypical.

and it is to your employer's credit that they gave you all those accommodations.

True that. As I said, I'm aware that I've been extremely fortunate, and I don't take that lightly.

I know what you mean. My one and only accommodation is a giant headphone set. Where I work there is enough noise to send me over the top after five minutes. My boss hasn't told anybody in my department, so the people I work under directly prob think I'm a jerk or something. But it's that or go bat ssss crazy.

Everything is getting exponentially harder for me it seems, so I do what I can. I begged them for help before getting diagnosed, but were like no. So I had to go through all of that just to get headphones.

I really want a service dog and if I can get one I plan to not be guilty at all!

I think what dear one said is a great point. It gives you a great base for helping your clients. Sorry about the two that died, that would traumatized anyone, you shouldn't feel bad about feeling bad.

By the way, the woman who sits next to me all day, who is way younger than me, is always taking care of me. When she sees me start to melt down, she'll send me a Cat joke or something to calm me, or she reminds me to do things, etc. at this point I'd miss it if she stopped. I sometimes wonder if I drive her nuts, but I don't know how to not be me. She's a very nice person though.

I'll be honest my first reaction was if you have this much problem adjusting perhaps you need to find another job that you can handle.

Then I saw you were female and of course I felt sorry for you and changed my mind. This is most likely how they are dealing with this right now giving you a little more leeway.

I am autistic and I sometimes fidget make odd mannerisms and noises but typically they are in private and the only one who ever noticed my small ticks was my ex wife.

In my work I need quiet so I have ear phones on 24/7 so I can hear other things other then my various co workers conversations.

They actually hired a crazy lady at the same time as me and a deaf co worker. The crazy lady would harass the entire office to the point where she would send me harassing emails and demand to know everything I and others did. To make it worse she would even come into my and others office space and for me she started rubbing me down.

Even with my disability as a man if I ever went into a female coworkers area and starting rubbing them and saying, 'I don't know what came over me' and sending harassing emails I would of most likely have been slapped, fired, and sued for sexual harassment.

Sadly this lady was allowed to do this because she was female and disabled for five months until they finally had no choice but to fire her with all the compliants.

Wozeree, I really want to get a service dog too. I know this would definitely make me stand out more, and brand me as disabled for everyone to see, but I think the presence of a large, calm animal would really go a long way towards curtailing my meltdowns and self-injurious behaviour. It would also help create a "bubble" around me when I get stuck in large crowds, as close proximity to lots of strangers really escalates my anxiety.

HisShadow, I'm not sure what my gender has to do with your assessment of my predicament, but I will agree that it's lucky I'm female, as males who present the kind of outward explosiveness that I do are viewed as far more threatening than females. It also helps that I'm tiny; less than five foot and weighing in at all of 90 pounds. It's not hard for most people to subdue me if they tried.

Lol Yes, we are not amused, you will be assimilated!

just e happy you are being over accomdated rather than neglected.
i have arthritis or hypermobility undiagnosed of course because no1 not even doctors seem to car i can crack every joint and do so because its the only relief from a dull aching and feeling of loseness alongside a shoulder that likes to pop put

thank you very much for answering my questions.

a service dog would not help me, b/c I am afraid of dogs. last year a dog bit me. but, way before last year, I was still afraid of dogs.

a headset might have helped me in some jobs, that had a lot of background noise. for example, when I worked at an amusement park. however, thus far, none of the other jobs had a lot of noise. with the exception, of course, of precious little "people" yelling at me. but then I would have to wait for them to start yelling and then put on the headset.

about 7 years ago, got into a car crash. the other party's insurance paid for the other party's damage. my insurance paid for my damage. in other words, it was partly, but not all, my fault. for three days afterward, I got even more uptight than usual. tried and failed to sleep for 3 days. 3rd day, took sleep meds. once in a while, have a hard time sleeping. but not often enough, at this point, to need sleep meds. sleep meds could be addictive, allegedly. but, of course, if the situation changes, for example, if I become homeless, or if someone rapes me, or something like that, , then I might need sleep meds, antianxiety meds, Zoloft.

in school, sometimes I had a hard time determining what to write down. however, some instructors gave so much irrelevant detail, that that might not have been my fault. as a side note, the previous licensed clinical social worker took notes at all the times I said something that answered her question, but did not have much to do with anything. for example, she asked me what kind of things are immoral, for me. so I answered exaggerating. and she asked if all exaggerations were immoral. and I answered no. a client told the job center receptionist that the printer was out of paper. the receptionist said "there are 400 pieces of paper.". he did not count or weigh the paper. nor did it matter how much paper there was. but exaggerations like "everyone" does something, or "most people". sound like a smack across the face. b/c I ain't "most people". but the speaker ain't either.

fidget toys won't get me nowhere.

a job coach might help. dept of rehab refused to send me to take Computer Technologies Program. so I gave up on them. that was a couple years ago. but the counselor was so condescending. but whatever. in my area, the government does not have much money. so it might not have just been that condescending counselor.
maybe where you live, the government has more money.

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after all the books I read about autism, I have yet to come up with any reasonable accomodations mandated by Americans Disabilities Act, that sound like they would make it easier for me to fulfill the function of a minimum wage or higher job.

on the other hand, maybe you just have more and better job skills than I do, and that could be why your employer was willing to provide all those accommodations.

after reading all those books about autism, the only thing I feel more confident about, is that there are numerous jobs that I could not possibly, by any stretch of the imagination, work at:

jobs with too much stress
jobs with too many hours
jobs in small enclosed locations
jobs that require job skills that not everyone has



and there are few, if any, jobs that I could work at. and as usual, I ain't got no job skills that are worth over minimum wage. everything I can do, any old idiot can also do. and there are plenty of neurotypical, cisgender applicants competing for every job listing that I make the mistake of submitting my resume to.


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you claimed you were "Embarrassed By Work Accommodations."

but I am older than you. 34. and thus far, the only jobs I had were cashier, actor, tax preparer, French fry server, communications contractor, data entry clerk. minimum wage jobs. none of them gave me work accommodations. on the other hand doubt any reasonable accommodation would've made it easier for me to work there.



maybe I am not just unemployed but unemployable.

You're very, very luck to have such caring employers and coworkers. Your meltdown probably scared them and they're not sure what to do, but things will cool down in a few weeks. You should definitely take any accommodation that is offered that you think will help. They'd probably feel better if you accepted their help.

I don't think many people care what you do at your workstation as long as it's not loud and flashy. They're used to dealing with disabled people so while they may be curious at first they'll get used to any new accommodations. People don't think about you nearly as often as you think they do. They're too worried thinking about what other people will think of them.

They might be going overboard because of the nature of the job, too.

They obviously value you very highly. If they didn't want to help you, they wouldn't. But if you think it's too much, let them know.