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Is Aspergers the reason people misunderstand you?

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dianthus
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13 Dec 2011, 11:15 pm

In another thread fraac wrote this and I would like to get clarification:

fraac wrote:
How can Aspergers be the reason that other people have misunderstandings of you? They don't have it. It can only be the reason you have misunderstandings.


Do you agree with this? Does AS cause people to misunderstand you? or does it only cause you to misunderstand other people?



fraac
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13 Dec 2011, 11:16 pm

How can Aspergers cause other people to misunderstand you when THEY DON'T HAVE IT?

Think about it. There must be something else wrong with them.



WhiteWidow
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13 Dec 2011, 11:19 pm

It's essentially two sides. It's like saying people who support marijuana legalization and people who don't. The people who don't believe it's a drug. They misunderstand you when you tell them other supporting facts for your argument. Each side thinks differently and will NEVER think like you unless you explain to them why you thought that way, and next time the best they can do is take that info into account. Assuming there is a next time.



dianthus
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13 Dec 2011, 11:19 pm

fraac wrote:
How can Aspergers cause other people to misunderstand you when THEY DON'T HAVE IT?

Think about it. There must be something else wrong with them.


Why don't you post this in the other multiple threads where people are talking about being misunderstood, having their words and actions misinterpreted, and so on?



Verdandi
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13 Dec 2011, 11:22 pm

fraac wrote:
How can Aspergers cause other people to misunderstand you when THEY DON'T HAVE IT?

Think about it. There must be something else wrong with them.


Not a logical assertion. My therapist told me she misunderstands me often because she finds me very difficult to read.

So the answer is that yes, being on the autistic spectrum often means that other people misunderstand you when they're not autistic too (and even when they are). That's part of the criteria, a lack of use of facial expressions, body language, and use of unusual prosody.



Last edited by Verdandi on 13 Dec 2011, 11:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

fraac
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13 Dec 2011, 11:26 pm

Verdandi wrote:
fraac wrote:
How can Aspergers cause other people to misunderstand you when THEY DON'T HAVE IT?

Think about it. There must be something else wrong with them.
'
'
Not a logical assertion. My therapist told me she misunderstands me often because she finds me very difficult to read.


One of us isn't being logical. I've known NTs who can read me perfectly fine. If your therapist finds it difficult, whose problem is that?



Verdandi
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13 Dec 2011, 11:30 pm

fraac wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
fraac wrote:
How can Aspergers cause other people to misunderstand you when THEY DON'T HAVE IT?

Think about it. There must be something else wrong with them.


Not a logical assertion. My therapist told me she misunderstands me often because she finds me very difficult to read.


One of us isn't being logical. I've known NTs who can read me perfectly fine. If your therapist finds it difficult, whose problem is that?


Yes, one of us isn't being logical. Since the criteria state very clearly that autistic people may be unable to use nonverbal communication or have limited access to nonverbal communication, it seems that other people misunderstanding us is inevitable for any of us who meet those criteria. Considering how frequently such topics come up here, I would even say that there's sufficient empirical evidence to conclude that often NTs don't understand us.

You're not me, anyway. People who have trouble with me may not have trouble with you. We don't all have exactly the same autism. You can't use yourself as an example to refute my experience, you can only use it to refute the idea that my experience is universal.



fraac
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13 Dec 2011, 11:30 pm

Are you saying no NT has ever been able to read you? In my experience they have varying abilities.



Last edited by fraac on 13 Dec 2011, 11:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dianthus
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13 Dec 2011, 11:31 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Not a logical assertion. My therapist told me she misunderstands me often because she finds me very difficult to read.

So the answer is that yes, being on the autistic spectrum often means that other people misunderstand you when they're not autistic too (and even when they are). That's part of the criteria, a lack of use of facial expressions, body language, and use of unusual prosody.


That's what I thought. But I am still pretty new to all this so I want to hear what everyone has to say about it.

It seems like people misinterpret my body language and facial expressions a lot. But it's not that I have a lack of expression. People will comment on things like a certain look on my face or a gesture I make, they take offense to it and I don't know why. I am not even aware that I am making these expressions until they point it out to me.

One time someone spoke to me and I turned my head to look at her, and she reacted really strongly, asking me why did you give me that look?! I was confused because I didn't even know what kind of look I gave her. I could give lots of examples like this. It happens pretty frequently.

Another one that happened lately is a guy got really mad at me and walked off angry. I usually would just walk away and try to let it go but it really upset me. I went after him to straighten it out. He told me I made a gesture with my hands that annoyed him, and he imitated the gesture. I didn't know I made any gesture like that.

Do people with autism have more of a lack of body language/facial expressions? or can it also be a lack of awareness of it? like you make expressions you don't know you are doing?



Last edited by dianthus on 13 Dec 2011, 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

fraac
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13 Dec 2011, 11:35 pm

Why did you give her that look? Can you not control your facial muscles?



Mindslave
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13 Dec 2011, 11:47 pm

It used to be my Asperger's, but now people misunderstand me because I act like an a**hole. Maybe if I wanted people to "understand"...



fraac
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13 Dec 2011, 11:50 pm

dianthus wrote:
Do people with autism have more of a lack of body language/facial expressions? or can it also be a lack of awareness of it? like you make expressions you don't know you are doing?


I can make whatever expressions I want. I don't make expressions I don't want. I can be perfectly understood by people who are good at reading people. This means that anyone who can't understand me has a problem with reading people. The problem is theirs, not mine. That's just simple logic.



dianthus
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13 Dec 2011, 11:55 pm

fraac wrote:
Why did you give her that look? Can you not control your facial muscles?


Why are you replying to my posts in this manner? What is the purpose of your questioning?



Verdandi
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13 Dec 2011, 11:59 pm

fraac wrote:
Are you saying no NT has ever been able to read you? In my experience they have varying abilities.


No, I didn't say that "no NT has ever been able to read me." But most NTs I've known have displayed difficulties in reading me on many occasions. If it were all NTs all the time, then things would likely be much simpler than some NTs some of the time.

fraac wrote:
I can make whatever expressions I want. I don't make expressions I don't want. I can be perfectly understood by people who are good at reading people. This means that anyone who can't understand me has a problem with reading people. The problem is theirs, not mine. That's just simple logic.


I can't make whatever expressions I want. I in fact make very few expressions, and am often interpreted to be angry or upset when I am calm. It's pretty hard for me to try to focus on talking or listening and on what expression is on my face - I'm usually just completely unaware of which expressions I'm displaying at any given time, and have been told many times I don't really have much of a range of expressions.

If I have a deficit in nonverbal communication (broadcasting as well as reading), and people have difficulties reading my nonverbal communication, then it is logical to conclude that being autistic interferes with how well other people read me.

This doesn't mean that they don't necessarily have their own deficits in understanding non-verbal communication, of course, but that's simply an additional factor, and not the sole factor.



fraac
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14 Dec 2011, 12:07 am

People misinterpret me all the time, but a handful don't. I have full control over my facial expressions. This says that autism isn't the problem Maybe you've allowed yourself to be confused because you have nonverbal communication difficulties. If you didn't, people would still misunderstand you, and you would know it was because they had some mental disability.



Verdandi
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14 Dec 2011, 12:08 am

dianthus wrote:
That's what I thought. But I am still pretty new to all this so I want to hear what everyone has to say about it.

It seems like people misinterpret my body language and facial expressions a lot. But it's not that I have a lack of expression. People will comment on things like a certain look on my face or a gesture I make, they take offense to it and I don't know why. I am not even aware that I am making these expressions until they point it out to me.


Well, people say the same to me but what I have been told by more objective/less emotionally invested observers is that I have a flat affect. There's a woman who makes videos describing what being autistic is like, and how she creates her "autistic world" who gets linked here occasionally (I forget her name) and she barely shows any expression - some, but not a lot. I've been told I show less than she does, but people still think I'm angry or take offense.

Not that you don't have expressions, but autism can also mean unusual body language as well as an apparent absence of it. Although it doesn't mean you have any trouble with body language at all, as you can meet the criteria for diagnosis and not meet that specific criteria.

Quote:
One time someone spoke to me and I turned my head to look at her, and she reacted really strongly, asking me why did you give me that look?! I was confused because I didn't even know what kind of look I gave her. I could give lots of examples like this. It happens pretty frequently.


Yes, very familiar to me.

Quote:
Another one that happened lately is a guy got really mad at me and walked off angry. I usually would just walk away and try to let it go but it really upset me. I went after him to straighten it out. He told me I made a gesture with my hands that annoyed him, and he imitated the gesture. I didn't know I made any gesture like that.

Do people with autism have more of a lack of body language/facial expressions? or can it also be a lack of awareness of it? like you make expressions you don't know you are doing?


I think it can be either of these things or both of them, as well as other possibilities (although none come to mind right now).

This doesn't mean, by the way, that I think NTs who misinterpret us are not responsible for their behaviors. If they just assume you're trying to offend them without finding out for sure, well, that's their choice and not your fault. My sister once even said that I am responsible for what she thinks in response to my body language and facial expressions, even though that's blatantly impossible.