Short-lived special interests, long stretches inbetween

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There's nothing for me except special interests. I don't like something a little bit; i'm eaither all in and I just absorb information like I'm on NZT and I feel fantastic or I'm going through the motions with nothing able to stick. I read, but I don't care. I hear, but it goes in one ear and out the other. When I have no special interest, I feel dead.

Ever since I graduated high school, my special interests are usually short-lived from months to maybe a year and a half, and then I'm left wandering life, sometimes for a few years, until something triggeres that part of my brain again.


I just wish one special interest would stick for a long time. It's been a good 4 years since my last special interest and this is by far the lonest I've gone without one and it's killing me inside. I really feel like I'm dying.

That's exactly how I am. I don't relate to those that have the same ones from childhood. When I have the interest, it's very intense and I can't learn enough or share enough. Then eventually it fades. It does occur in long stretches between them sometimes. but usually a few/couple weeks.

I hate the fading of an interest, too, it's a bad, restless feeling. Perhaps my mind is particularly susceptible to the perils of black and white thinking due to having major depressive disorder since the onset of puberty, but I can almost feel the aforementioned monster rising to the foreground when a special interest dies.
Not to sound like a suicidal poet, but it's as though all of my interests are the newly bought paint lacquering a very rotten wooden fence always on the verge of collapse.

I am the same way with special interests and it's a huge factor in my depression/anxiety. I can think of two that have stuck with me for years - though they've faded slightly - but generally my special interests are short-lived and the lull I experience in between them can be harrowing. Finding something new to latch onto is easier said than done and it's just the worst feeling.

I am also the same way. It's really annoying. I've tried to tell myself, "OK, I'm going to put a lot of money into this hobby, and the weight of the fact that I've invested in this will make me stick with it".

Nope, that doesn't work...