Stimming - does anyone else do this?

Post Reply New Topic

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 19 (now 26), and I've recently noticed that I don't stim in public (meaning things like hand/arm flapping, feet tapping etc). I wasn't quite sure why, but I'm pretty sure that because of anxiety and a desire to not come across as weird I've transferred my need to physically stim into mental stimming, like drawing patterns in my mind or only imagining myself doing the repetitive movements.
I've also realised that this mental stimming has come about as I'm prone to self inflicted pain I.e. When I was 17 and desperately depressed as I felt so different I used to cut the tops of my arms with scissors - not badly enough to be dangerous but badly enough to hurt. Similarly, but not as drastically, I once only drank orange squash and ate nothing for 3 days to see if I could do it, and would sometimes look out a window and stare at something for as long as I could (the longest was 45 minutes).
It feels good to make myself do/not do things, so making myself not physically stim when I want to, not only makes me not look odd, but feels good as well.

Not really sure what my point is. I guess I just wonder if anyone else does this.

I guess I "mentally stim" in this way: When driving I often pretend I am touching sign posts or cutting them down and I count them as I do it. I also count words on street signs. I guess I just now realized I count things like that. I enjoy being able to count things by grouping them visually instead of going "one, two, three..." Weird I guess.

I was DX in my late 20's. I've always fiddled with things discretely in public, trying to keep attention of myself.


Post DX I started to notice that I only did more obvious stims (mouth noises, rocking, hand flapping, jumping up an down) when I am feeling safe, mostly at home and in private. Over the years people shame you into not doing those things. Now I am teaching myself not to hold those things in. Sometimes I get conscious but I don't want to be ashamed of who I am.