Making it clear that Autistic kids are particularly welcome?

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Let me begin with a quick introduction: I'm a children's librarian, and an NT father to two autistic kids, aged nine and thirteen. For the past few years, driven largely by what I've seen my eldest dealing with, I've been hosting a social program at my library to bring together autistic kids and teens, so that they can connect and (hopefully) make friends.

For a number of reason, this has been a total failure. Attendance has ranged from one to three kids on average, and it's zero more often than not. Over the course of the next few months, and with the aid of a small grant, I'm going to try to change that. To that end, I've been reaching out to various self-advocacy groups to solicit their input...and discovering how few there are in this area. Nevertheless, I've gotten some great advice that's helping to shape the new iteration of this program.

1) "Center the group around a shared interest, not a shared diagnosis." This is painfully obvious in retrospect; our ongoing Minecraft club has attracted more autistic kids than the social group ever has. So, we're going to be making it a gaming club -- console, computer, and board games to start, and hopefully branching out into tabletop RPGs if things go well.

2) "Make it an integrated group: no need for shared diagnoses among friends." Going forward, we're going to be meeting every other Saturday. I want to make one session/month open to everyone, while the other is going to be somewhat smaller and more focused on (but not exclusive to) kids on the spectrum.

And this leads me to my dilemma, and the reason that I am here. I can't figure out the best way to advertise so that I can reach, and attract the interest of, autistic kids in particular. How can I advertise this program as a Gaming club, while still making it explicit that it's going to be a welcoming and comfortable environment for autistic kids in particular? My eldest, who's dealt with bullying, teasing, and outright exclusion, is reluctant to do a lot of things because he's afraid of standing out, and being treated badly because of it. I want to make it very clear that the kids who come to our club aren't going to have that worry. But for the life of me, I can't come up with the right wording...beyond the vague "sensory friendly", which feels more like a code phrase than anything genuinely appealing.

(I flatly refuse to plaster our flyers with puzzle pieces -- I share my son's distaste for that symbol, and hate that it's become so ubiquitous. It's something that would probably get the parents' attention, unfortunately.)

Any ideas? If you are (or were) an autistic kid, is there anything -- word or phrase or symbol or something else entirely -- that would indicate to you that our Gaming club actively welcomes (but is not limited to) people on the spectrum?

On a related note, I'd welcome any suggestions about making the club a more comfortable space. I'm going to be working on issues of noise and lighting as best I am able, and I plan to make Color Communication Badges available, but I'm sure that there's a lot of other things that I could do.

And finally, I'd also love any and game recommendations, in any format. I've been gaming continuously in one form or another since 1978, but I'm all too aware of how unfamiliar I am with what's come out in the past decade or so.

Thanks, all, and my apologies for being so long-winded.

This is excellent. I would love if my local library had such an event and would happily take my 7 year old son to it regularly. I think sensory friendly IS a great phrase. Yes, it's kind of a code, but not one that would discourage others. Besides, people other than autists appreciate sensory friendly too. I don't know about gaming much, so no advice there. But what if you had an occasional movie night? My son loves a variety of films like Disney shows, Thomas the train, pirates of the Caribbean, etc.

I share a dislike of the group with puzzle pieces but I've often wondered if I should meet with them just to find some like people. My son and I have autism, but I've never met anyone else, knowingly, that has a diagnosis. Can you advertise to groups that support autism? Perhaps doctors offices, therapists, awareness groups, functions that already draw a crowd?

Good luck, I think what you are doing is great. I hope you are highly successful.

I hate the puzzle piece symbol too, as if you are a puzzle to be solved, rather than a person with feelings, interests and intelligence. It is similar to the idea that you are broken and need fixing. (Although a person who is different may have a broken heart due to rejection, but that is a completely different thing. I know a lot of people who have had heartbreaks and literally died of it).

I think clubs and groups of any kind related to particular interests are a good thing. I don't like the idea that it needs to be autism specific.

How about calling it something such as "Captain Autie's (or Captain Sensory's or something like that) Bully-Free Gaming Club" with all others welcome also? Anyone who might comprehend "Captain Autie" or whatever would know the primary focus and everyone would know there will be no bullying. Also, I have some whitelisted Minecraft-PC servers -- one each for Survival, Creative and Adventure plus a Vanilla Survival -- for my grandchildren where there is plenty of room for a few others if that might be of interest to you.

My suggestion would be to advertise it as a games club but include further down the flyer that this club has a strict anti bullying policy, is Autism aware and will cater for sensory issues in a supportive and inclusive environment that aims for fun and friendship. I'd also ditch the idea of having some sessions purely for autistic kids. Aim for inclusion of all. It's possible for friendships to form between kids on the spectrum with kids who are not. Excluding someones friend because they don't have the right 'credentials' seems divisive to me at least. I know I wouldn't want to be included in the 'special' group. I would find that awkward and embarrassing.

Advertise it as being "Autistic Inclusive"?

If you want true mix of kids, I would use the phrase "sensory friendly" near the bottom of the flyer and leave it at that.

People with ASD or similar issues know what that means. NTs not so much, and won't actively dodge the group.

What happens around here, anything event with "autistic friendly" winds up being an event for people with ASD. I know NT parents who just won't go because they don't want to deal with the ASD kids or their parents. They had couple bad experiences at an event/birthday, and don't want that hassle. They think they need to tip toe around to not trigger melt downs. Or believe the event is for low functioning people. Some still believe autism=non verbal handful.

All most all my friends with ASD kids will call a venue to ask about it. My library does Minecraft, and it is inclusive, they just don't advertise it.

If I saw a flyer that said autistic friendly, I would figure it is tailored special needs kids. That is how the phrase is used in my area. The event would be heavily skewed with people with ASD, and not a mix of the general population.

There are parents who love the idea of an event where everything is geared towards accommodating their kids' ASD. Everyone has similar issues. You don't have to explain why your kid does x,y or z.

My nephew hated "ASD friendly" events as he felt different. He wanted to be that 12 year old with all the other 12 year olds. His mom would call ahead and find out if the event wouldn't be a overwhelming deal.

HTH... Sounds like fun!

I really hope that kids like I was are not getting caught into gaming now. The world needs people who can deal with reality, and aspies tend to have the ingenuity needed in changing times. What we lack is an interface to the NT world. Teaching us to be "independent" is simple homogenization. We only need the skills to find partner/translators, not to thrive in groups. Trying to become more sociable ruined me as a savant engineer. If you want to help aspies, train NTs to recognize the opportunity in people with lousy social skills and great hardware. When focussed, we can't help being prima donnas, but we don't mean to be mean.

I was a free-range kid who spent considerable time alone in nature but not really observing it. I was attracted to opportunities to make things, and repelled by groups. I usually had one close friend who likewise had no other friends. I'm glad that ASD is a thing now, so I don't have to avoid a misdiagnosis everywhere I go, but I'm not at all impressed with any of the resulting programs. Maybe we should try to explain that having a rational mind is a bit like having a religion - it will cause nearly compulsive behaviour incomprehensible to others without careful study.

I like the sensory friendly idea.

My husband is autistic. Our three year old son and I are not. I have noticed that our son really likes autistic kids- perhaps because they remind him of his dad and other family members, I dunno, and that they really like him. I also like the sensory friendly things for him because it just helps to keep him from getting over excited. So you might want to think about attracting both autistic and non-autistic kids for a variety of reasons. Personally, something like that would attract us if there was an emphasis on diversity in general. Like, kids look different, act different, etc and it's all great.

It also might be helpful to remember that the parents of autistic kids might be on the spectrum themselves. And some kids might not be diagnosed, or might not be autistic, but their parents may be. My husband and I have often wished there were family events with autistic PARENTS in mind.

Good point. I have always felt more comfortable the more eccentricity I saw being tolerated around me. Art is good. Try a grafitti-wall for your public front?

Thank you for your responses, everyone. This is exactly the sort of feedback that I was hoping for. To respond to a few points in particular....

SocOfAutism, bunnyb, in recent weeks, I've been rethinking a lot of the things that I've been doing, with greater inclusivity in mind. One of our other programs is a Sensory Storytime, meant for autistic kids of preschool age, and it has almost the same attendance issue that the program for older kids suffers. And at the same time, I have parents of NT kids looking for more evening storytimes that they can take their kids to.

Going forward, I'm going to open it up to anyone interested. I'm going to keep it sensory friendly, and make that a central facet of our advertising -- perhaps as a "quiet" storytime to broaden the appeal. This is a situation where I'm most certainly trying to reach the parents, rather than the kids. Part of being sensory friendly for this age means that I want to keep the numbers relatively low, so I might have to resort to pre-registration in the future...but as things are, that's been a LONG way from being an actual problem.

Dear_one, I do know what you mean and I appreciate your saying it. I was, and largely still am, someone who is happiest when I'm on my own. I love my wife, I love my kids, but my ideal day off involves going to lunch and to a movie all by myself. I don't have to talk to anyone; I can just read and relax. It's wonderful, and if I could do that more often my own mental health would probably be better.

But my Eldest is the precise opposite. He's hypersocial, very extroverted, so much so that it disturbs me at times. He does things that are just unthinkable to me, a natural introvert. Even so, he's a very lonely child. Because he is perceived as "weird", he has no friends of his own age (although both adults and preschoolers tend to love him) and that hurts him a lot. And I know that he's not alone in this. A friend of mine's son has Tourettes, and is dealing with pretty much the same issues.

I don't want to try to change anyone against their will, and if I feel that a parent is forcing his child into something that he wants no part of, I will certainly say something. But there are those, like my son, who want to be social for their own sake. I've seen him bounce between being proud of his autism to hating it in the course of a single night; crying because he's not "normal" and that's why no one likes him. I don't want him to be "normal", whatever that means. I want him to be him. But a happier him, one who isn't in quite so much danger of being swallowed up by his own depression. Giving him and others like him, a chance to meet kids like themselves -- not because they're autistic, but because they love the same things -- is giving them something that they both want and need.

Unless I'm completely wrong, which is entirely possible. I do know that, whatever I do with this gaming club, I'm need to let the kids be the ones who really shape it into its final form. I just have to find them, or enable them to find us.

Tawaki, thank you. That does indeed help, and I think that it's likely that our current methods have been chasing off some kids who would otherwise have been interested. "Sensory Friendly" does seem like the best code-phrase to use, and I've been hearing the same from some of the groups that I've contacted. It's that safety factor that you mention that's been skewing my own perceptions, that of being in a situation where you don't constantly explain things...when my kids were young, that was something very rare, and it was such a relief on those few occasions that it happened. Honestly, though, for the most part it's not doing the older kids any favors. They can talk for themselves, and more often than not they're going to have to.

leejosepho, I would certainly be interested in your servers. We're likely moving to Minecraft Pocket Edition at this point, though, and I have no idea what the server situation is like there. Investigating that has been on my list, but fairly far down. It's...it's a long list. Growing longer with each passing day, too.

Once again, thank you all. Every post has given me something more to consider, and that's a very valuable thing. If anyone else has any thoughts, please do share -- and if people are interested, I can post about how we're progressing.

You might get some good ideas reading Ron Jones. He was running a facility for low-IQ kids that had a handy used-clothing depot, so he had a contest for the most-dressed person. The winner had over a hundred things on. They also played basketball with great enthusiasm, even on the part of the guy happily cranking the scores around over and over. If one side seemed to be winning anyway, the other side got to draft their best player. Maybe group Calvinball will include "everybody imitate my favourite stimming."
Exercise has been near-essential to avoid depression for me, and it is not easy to convince my brain not to replace it with a clever gadget.