Anxiety About “Fun” Events?

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I’m wondering if you guys experience this as often as I do...

When I have plans to do something big and exciting like traveling, or holidays, or whatever it may be that is supposed to be really fun, I get so anxious that I usually end up having a meltdown and sabotaging the plans right before they happen. This is especially strange because the plans are almost always something that I genuinely WANT to do and are often my idea.

For example right now I’m coming down after a meltdown because I’m so excited to go pick up a new kitten from the shelter tomorrow. I’ve been wanting a cat for a long time and I can’t wait to have the cat. I’ve been obsessing over this life change all day and doing nothing but watching kitten care videos and researching kittens, and suddenly at bedtime I guess I messed up? This triggered a meltdown:

I asked my husband to set an alarm to make sure we wake up in time to make it to our adoption appointment. My husband refused and said there is no way he’d oversleep (he was going to bed at 3:00 am our time, mind you, and he never stays up this late). I insisted that we needed an alarm and set one. Well, my husband thought I was rude, even though I’m clueless to how, and stormed out of the bedroom announcing that he’d be sleeping in the guest room.

Sleeping alone gives me major anxiety so now I have insomnia and I’m extremely tense from having a fifteen minute long panic attack/meltdown. I told my husband I thought he was being selfish and that I wish he’d come to bed but he refused. Now all I’m thinking about is how exhausted and uncomfortable I’m going to be all day tomorrow (we have to drive 3 hours both ways to pick up this cat) with no sleep, and how my kitten adoption day is already ruined...

It is not ruined yet. The kitty is still there waiting to be loved in a new home... All is not lost.

Plenty of posters may actually relate.





In my case... Maybe never.

I can only relate to the most basic of the whole idea; I expect something happens as I act/think/feel, but it's not what I intended to nor what I'd expect. Regardless of the result, that's not what I want or I expect it is.
At worst I'd be very disappointed and annoyed, and of course it can give me doubt about control, competence and willpower. Yet it rarely goes to the point of doubting safety and reality.


For some reason or another, I have a screwed sense of fear and worry.
In an unnamed dimension that encompasses some parts of sensation, emotion and prioritizing, something made me all too tolerant on uncertainties and made conditioning more sideways in a sense than (as any ND) it should be.

Should I express anxiety, it takes a genuine thing to fear and anticipate about or compensated worry. (i.e. actually going to die, being punished vs hitting the person back -- I'd be more worried about the latter)

But missing minutes/hours, undone routines tasks and plans, intense sensory stimuli, chaotic settings and unpredictability in general never triggered me, nor ever caused as the primary reason for any worry.

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