A question to the older individuals on the spectrum.....

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....at what age did your life improve? Or is my quality of life only going to diminish as I age?

I know there is no simple answer as we are all different, but it would be interesting to hear from the older generation as to how their lives have panned out through the years.

Even though I am making a conscious effort to view the world in a more positive light now, I remain rather scared that I will be an extremely lonesome and anxious man throughout my life.

For instance, today in a supermarket I believe I managed to offend a female clerk who must have been a similar age to me. I merely enquired to see if the store sold a certain product (melatonin), but she seemed flabbergasted by the way in which I spoke to her.

I am now endeavouring to speak to as many people as possible each day, but I am always afforded with rather quizzical looks. It's difficult for me to pinpoint where I am going wrong.

When one is 27 years old and hasn't got a friend in the world, serious questions need to be asked why this happens to be the case. If I am forever going to be a prisoner inside of my own head, I fear it's inevitable that I will become either an alcoholic or dope addict.

I guess my question is will I ever fit in?

Short honest answer: no, you're autistic, we just don't blend in well. If you feel you must use substances to cope, I highly recommend the cannabis as opposed to the alcohol. That said, hobbies are a better approach than substances. Sorry if that's not the answer you want to hear, but I find truth more comforting than lies since lies have a tendency of coming unraveled over time and end up more destructive than the simple truth. That said, you may be one of the statistical anomalies with autism that do find a legitimate place, but don't count on it and prepare for the worst.

That is a rather interesting question. I am 31 and still have no answer to it. The only advice i could give you has already been given and that is to pursue your hobbies.

Sorry if I have no right to answer here (not being an 'older individual'), but I think there are some places where one may find acceptance, and others where this will never be possible. I have be raised by a 'family' who don't accept me, and I know that they will probably never accept me. When this upsets me, I try to think (almost meditate) until reality starts to slip and the whole world seems tiny and observable. Then I realise that the distress that I am feeling means very little. This makes it bearable.

However, at school (of all places) I am accepted. I don't really have friends, but I am accepted and generally liked. I am open and don't pretend to be 'normal' (because people find that scary - uncanny valley), but try to be helpful and kind to everyone, and am respected for this.

I focus my attention on the people who accept me, and understand that other people will not be so open or respectful. I try not to care about those who are not so accepting.

I wish you good luck, and apologise if I should not have replied.

Supermarkets generally don't sell melatonin (at least in the US). They tend to sell over-the-counter stuff like Motrin, Advil, Tylenol (Brits call Tylenol Para something or other), Vick's Vapo-Rub, stuff like that.

You should probably go into a health-food store or stores which sell dietary supplements and such.

You have to go out there and practice in the world. You'll learn from trial and error, like I did.

Eventually, in my experience, life gets better as one gets older.

Yes, that's true. Upon reflection, it was a rather mindless enquiry to make as both my doctor and chemist said it's usually a prescription-only medication. She might also have been alarmed as I was making eye contact for a change, but she might have thought I was staring. My gaze is usually focused at anything other than another human being's eyes.

I guess I will just have to continue to get out of my comfort zone, and see if any relationships can be formed and maintained. However, there's the danger that people will recognise my desperation for friendship and use it to their advantage. If I stop being such a cynical bastard, I do fear that it would be very each to exploit me. I almost had to buy friends when I was at school.

The key is to be wary in your friendliness.

If someone asks you for money, or asks you to help move the first time you hang out, you know that someone is exploiting you.

Life tends to be like a rollercoaster for me.
Way cool adventures where something really good happens
at the same time that something really bad happens.
Well, it's never boring ...

Anyways, now that I'm older,
I've become an artist.
And have achieved many things ...
of the kind that most people would be happy to accomplish just one.

And even so,
daily life remains a struggle.

So I prefer to
play to my strengths.

My life improved dramatically in terms of developing friendships and using my interests to form these friendships over the last couple of years. Earlier this year, an incident happened that could have ended everything forever. The issue has been resolved, and I am on my way back but it will be a long time, if ever, that my sense of myself as a growing, worthwhile person will be repaired.

I'm a year younger than you so I know my perspective is probably not what you're looking for. However I'm kind of in a bad spot right now so I guess we're in a similar place.

I don't know for certain if life will just keep getting worse or if things will start to get better. I just know that can't count on things just sorting themselves out. I need to take a proactive approach to making my life get better, not only because I want change but because I won't be happy with myself if I don't try.

So I'm trying to get back to uni and I'm continually working on my health, maintaining my interpersonal relationships, improving my skills, looking for work, etc. And I know that I'm never going to manage my mental issues as well as neurotypicals and I know that I might have to work a lot harder for the same results. I know I have to make compromise and drag myself out of my comfort zone just to manage being a functional adult. But I can tell you that all the BS and all the stress and struggle is so worth it.

How so? Well last year I had lost my job, spiralled into a suicidal depression and didn't think I had a future. Well here I am, not in the best place but I'll be damned if I give up now. I may not ever be as capable as some people but if I relent to my supposed limitations then I am choosing to fail. Does that make sense?

If cannabis helps you, honestly it might be a good idea to see if you can get a medical marijuana card (assuming you live somewhere where that is available). Cannabis is actually a lot safer than most other psychoactive drugs and if it helps you function I see no reason why you shouldn't use it. Also I don't think cannabis is addictive, though I suppose you could form a habit as with anything. You shouldn't condemn yourself for using tools to help you live your life.

Also, please don't beat yourself up for the way others react to you. You're trying your best and sometimes their reaction is less to do with you and more to do with their own idiosyncrasies.

I'm not sure if i count as "older" (at 30 years of experience), but i did notice an improvement at around the 27/28 mark.
At that age, i got my first real job and managed to get some official schooling for a job (after failing college), which boosted my self-esteem to the point where the rest of my life fell in line.

This timing is more due to the "first real job" than due to the actual age, but i don't think i could have gotten this improvements earlier than 25, due to my mental age.

32 here and life has only gotten more difficult as the years go by. Stuff I remember doing in my early 20s feels like it was another person.

What I have done though is change my lifestyle to match my abilities.

I moved away from cities to the country. Love living in a small village. Same faces that smile and say hello is much nicer than the seemingly hostile faces of city dwellers. Like the quiet local pub, little supermarket and the markets and yearly beer festival.

Uni was definitely a no go for me but last year I started a degree with the Open university. I don't have to go anywhere for it and I am really enjoying it. Also it was all paid for with a student loan!

I am now more confident in saying no to things I don't want to do. I think that might be one of the good points of being a bit older now.

I still can't keep a job for more than a few weeks before walking out.

As usual in our cases I have no friends to speak of, have a long term girlfriend though which is all the human contact I need. Internet dating is a winner.

My life was best between my last two years of college and my early thirties. I think I would have not diagnosable even by today's far wider criteria. I was happy with my job and got along with my workmates. I loved the synthpop, post punk and New Wave music popular at that time.

The last few years since my diagnose have been interesting, to say the least. A mixture of serious health issues combined with the appreciation of finally knowing who I really am.