JohnnyLurg wrote:
All of my life, I've tried to be kind to all people and do good deeds for my community. I volunteered for my local library, college radio station, newspaper, art museum, and thrift store and donated to various charities. I helped advertise many local businesses and musicians. I write on all of my Facebook friends' walls for their birthday. I open doors for people. I reach out to people who are in difficult situations to show them that I care. I visited my lonely and senile grandmother every day for years so that she would have someone to talk to. I have worked with and tried to help other autistic people (both children when I was a special education paraeducator for various schools in my city and adults through various programs) to give back to people on the spectrum. Whenever I've had jobs, I have always worked the hardest I could. In spite of all this, I am not only unemployed as of a few days ago (I was laid off from a job I worked very hard at which I made a post about in the "Work and finding a job" section) and feel very unappreciated (or at the very least, underappreciated) by people who rarely even acknowledge my good deeds.
I really want to believe that karma exists even though it probably doesn't. I want to believe that G-d is not punishing me for something I did in a past life or testing my faith, and that I am not being dealt an unfair hand in life when I see that all the rich fraternity douchebags and sorority b*****s who generally treat people like s**t and have never had to struggle for anything are becoming business executives while I once again file for unemployment despite having worked my ass off to graduate from college, ultimately on Dean's List with straight A's, despite people having their doubts as to whether I would graduate because of my Asperger's or ADD.
It's gotten to the point where I'm starting to have a sort of self-aware Messiah complex. For years, I have kept thinking the thought "in any other town, I'd be Jesus Christ by now but I'm not going anywhere because you people need me." I know I am not Jesus. I don't even believe in Jesus because I'm Jewish. The words "Jesus Christ" in this recurring thought essentially mean little more than "appreciated."
I also hold doors for people, and reach out to my elderly relatives, but I do these things because I enjoy doing them. I don't expect to be recognized especially for them. In fact, my great grandmother was typically disappointed to find it was me calling or visiting, rather than my mother or sister, who are admittedly more sociable. But I suppose I was better than no one.
But anyway, who is going to commend me for holding he door other than the person I held the door for? One person giving a brief smile or nod of thanks or acknowledgement is enough isn't it? What more should I expect to get for this?
Perhaps your expectations are a little out of the ordinary?
09 Jul 2017, 6:46 pm
