Overly sensitive?

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For parts of my life I've subconsciously avoided close friendships with people, and even though it was lonely at times, I'm starting to think it was better for me. Because I'm so sensitive to others that it's totally draining me.

Other peoples moods affect me so much. I guess I'm what they call an emotional sponge (is this an aspie-thing?) - this is especially hard since a close friend of mine is suffering from depression among other personal problems and I'm pretty much their go-to person to vent and complain to most of the time. I do my best to help and be there for my friends but inside it's really taking a toll on me.

Another issue is that I'm constantly - and I mean constantly - worrying about what other people think of me. Every single action I take, I think to myself "will this cause x to dislike me". Strangers, friends, it doesn't matter. I'm terrified of rejection and humiliation. If I sense that someone is treating me differently, being cold or ignoring me, I feel extremely hurt. Almost go into anxiety mode. "Do they hate me?", "What did I do wrong?", "Is our friendship over?", all those kinds of thoughts. I feel physically sick.

This is all how I feel right now and I don't know what to do. Does this have anything to do with ASD or is it something entirely different, like social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, or simply just low self-esteem?

I'm also interested..! Does anyone else struggle or have struggled with any of this? Would you describe yourself as sensitive?

The first thing has more to do with gender than being aspie. Women are more prone to feel the pain of others than men are. A guy may be aware that someone else is hurting and might accomidate that person, but men don't take on the other person's pain on their own shoulders like that. But some women do do that and have to consciously rein the tendency in.

The rest could be related to being aspie. Aspies tend to be socially inept. So we make mistakes. So naturally we tend to be afraid of making future mistakes in the social realm.

lazyflower

Yes.
Everything you say.
All the time.

As a male i can relate to everything you say lazyflower. I was the emotional sponge as you say for most of my life. The irony comes when one then tries to reach out on very rare occasions to the ones you have helped and backs are turned... I was someone that had an open door for those that were suffering in the early hours of the morn. I also have some family difficulties as well, so dealing with an open door and sometimes hours on the phone trying to help and give advice certainly makes one feel drained and lonely when at 4am you have some silence to oneself.. I didn't realise at the time but it was taking a serious toll on me and was left with the paradox of wanting to help people but also realising i needed time for myself and at times i needed alot of downtime. My worries were what people would think if i said no, would i be treated differently for not being their at their every whim?, would they avoid me? would they still talk to me? That in itself took a toll mentally on me but in the end i realised i had to make a change and started to say no on occasions. Some understood but many took it very personally. It hurt and hurt deep to suddenly be perceived in a negative light because for the first time i decided to take care of myself. It was actually a valuable learning lesson. Today's society is very stressful and it is very much take take take. The people that seemed genuine were not as genuine as they seemed. I realised in effect i became a tool for them, not a soul or a human being but object for them to draw energy from for their own benefit... Yes i describe myself as sensitive, caring etc..

Can also put my foot in it as well so to speak by maybe at times saying things i later regret out of frustration because people dont understand certain things or are not getting their own way. However i realise my down time is very important. I still help people pretty much on a daily basis but i try to choose when i have the energy to do that and choose with whom i give that energy out to... In essence it is finding the balance rather than being the yes person all the time. In a perfect world everyone would appreciate what you would do for them and understand your boundaries but unfortunately not everyone is like that. You are the most important person to take care of. If you are not fit, mentally, physically or energy wise then you cant be expected to give that out... I give my energy when i have the energy and confess i am more choosy on whom i give that energy to. I will in essence always help those i genuinely feel are sincere. One sometimes must take back control of ones life!

I have three very close friends. One is doing fine. One is Anorexic and hates her family. The third is bipolar and self harms. I have to talk her out of dangerous behavior sometimes. The second one I am her person to rant to. It doesn't drain me. I am glad to have people who want to talk to me and trust me to be there for them.

I will tell you 2 things: 1 about the past & 1 about the present.

The past anxiety, among others but this was a very difficult one for me when I was in my teens, was about how I walked. My mother would frequently say "will you walk right?" in a negative tone of voice. I didn't know what she meant, because couldn't see how I walked to understand that I was doing it wrong. I also didn't know how to ask her without "talking back", which she would also tell me not to do. I couldn't talk back, so how could I ask her how am I doing it wrong & how could I do it correctly. I now understand that talking back means being rude, but at the time I always understood it to mean never talk back at all when an adult is correcting me or saying something to discipline me in some way.

I became anxious about walking in public when a lot of people might be watching me. I would think too hard about it and end up walking more strangely than I would have if I hadn't been try hard to "walk right".

I still get anxious about it & still don't know what it was my mother saw that was wrong with my gait. Other adults have made similar comments, but no one has ever told me how to correct it. Can't see myself do it, but think I walk more normal when am not thinking about it & the anxiety goes away when I'm walking on my own property by myself. Perseverating about it makes it an issue (http://www.snagglebox.com/article/perseveration) -- but don't actually think it is a real issue. It is just in my mind, because of what a few others said to me & my mind overreacted.


In the present, as an adult, have developed selective blindness as a coping mechanism when I'm in public. I can only see pieces of the world I directly need to see & have forced myself to pay attention to, otherwise I am highly overwhelmed by too much information. I don't drive anywhere unless I have to, & take the route that has the least amount of traffic. I don't see people as individuals or recognize anyone at the stores or school in the halls unless they stop me & only after a minute or 2 do I recognize them. My brain has to be on recognize mode -- like if I go into a classroom I will then recognize the professor because am expecting to see him or her. I wouldn't recognize them at Walmart, because they are out of context. People look different to me in another setting. Have hurt people's feelings because of this.

So, yes, have experience with being oversensitive -- these are just a few examples of many consequences.

I have both issues as well. I also absorb other people's emotions, which tends to get overwhelming. I wish I had some advice to offer, but I haven't had any close friends since elementary school, so I don't have much experience there. I also have a phobia of people judging me, for pretty much anything I might say or do, and am hypersensitive to signs of rejection. I'm not sure if the first part is because of my autism or just how I am anyway, but the second part is social anxiety, I think.