My life is so so

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Honestly , everyday for me is like a pile of garbage.

I'm still going through the grief of losing both parents plus I'm going through my Aspergers (I was diagnosed).

I'm 28 years old. No friends. No wife/girlfriend. I desire to be intimate with a girl very much. I want to have kids of my own. I want to be loved and liked. I want to feel important and accomplished.

I have a older brother and sister. We all live under one roof but no one talks to anybody. Sister has a high paying job. But hangs around with losers that do drugs and act ghetto.

Brother spends his time on the internet all the time. I do the cooking and shopping in the house.

I have no one to talk to. My brother and sister won't speak to me.

My uncles and aunts seem to want to stay away from me. I go to them for help but they say they'd help, then don't.

I have older brother living out of state. He cares for me but most of the time he's working and has a family to care for.

I think of suicide sometimes but I always convince myself a reason to go on. So I forget about it.

I have a interest in movies. Always have since I was 8. It's grown over the years.

I went to high school. Got my diploma but haven't dated and got work.

I get disability but all the money goes towards bills and food. Never any money for myself to purchase clothes.

I've thought of stealing money but that isn't me. I'm a catholic and I know stealing is wrong. So I won't do that.

Last edited by GiovanniB on 08 Aug 2017, 8:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can't get work because I feel I don't belong anyplace. I hate socializing.

Even if I got work I still wouldn't have enough money to get by. I'd e getting paid less than what I get from social security

ANd forget college. That costs money. And besides I have no desire going back to school with a bunch of people younger than me acting stupid.

Look into low-income housing apartments and HUD assistance, and move out. The Mental Health professionals who helped you get diagnosed could probably help with that.

Are there dating classes in your area like Dating and Relationships 101 in your area? I think a class like that should be run world wide. If not, than why not? There are also books such as Dating and Relationships for Dummies that you might like to check out. The Dummies series has books on every topic you can think of.

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yeah me too. applied to a wide variety of jobs. and a lot of them. for a long time. got a couple minimum wage jobs. got fired.

no job skills

tempting to steal/rob,

but, if get caught, paranoid of getting raped in jail.

Yup. Life is hard. I'm not doing any better with my romantic relationships than you are, but I have a good job. But I got here after many hard years. I lived on the streets for a long time. Eventually I went to college through a mixture of grants and loans (mostly loans). Almost all of the students were younger than I was and "acted stupid". I don't know if it interests you but maybe look into engineering of some kind. Probably any "creative" field really. People just expect us to be weird. I don't have to fit in because everyone I work with is off anyway.

Keep at it. It isn't easy but it does get better.

Lots of older people go to college -- not everyone is young. Where I go, it is about a 60/40 ratio of normal college age people & older people. If you have proof of disability, you get a big reduction in tuition. Just go to the disability office at the college & they can help you. I take college classes frequently -- have more than 230 credits, 2 Bachelors degrees in science, & have nearly enough credits for 4 degrees, but I'm not interested in taking a few of the required classes to get those other 2 degrees. I've only been to 3 college campuses, so my experience with older people being enrolled as students might not be typical. Don't know what the campus is like where you live. You could go on an unofficial tour to see what it is like. Just be sure to park in the visitors section or get a parking pass or else you'll get a parking ticket.

Hope you figure something out to help make life better. I can't make any suggestions because I don't know what you like to do or know anything about the area you live. I don't talk or see my family anymore -- never really liked them. Don't have any friends either, but that is my choice. Socializing is too exhausting for me. Do you like animals? If you do, could you get a pet? I read they help people have a sense of purpose when they have a pet to take care of. I don't have any pets, but I did try & take care of some baby birds. I spent too much time on their well-being & not enough on mine. My hygiene & nutrition suffered & the baby birds died. Felt like I could die of sadness, but I found a project & that helped me get over the sadness. You need something to do that is interesting to you -- to at least get your mind off your struggles for a little while.

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community colleges and state universities have a lot of "nontraditional students". as in over a certain age. the school i went to, ucsd, did not.

yeah i ain't got no precious lil "friends" either. but that ain't my choice. that is b/c they do not like me & i do not like them. given a choice, i would choose to have friends. but, precious lil "people", especially neurotypical extroverts, only choose as friends people that are just like them.

especially since they are in the majority and i am in the minority. as a result, in the past, when precious lil "people" deigned to tell me that they were my precious lil "friends", i felt morally obliged, out of fear of rejection, to compromise with them a lot more than they compromised with me. but then it got to the point where i was passive aggressively tolerating everything they did. legal or illegal. while they had the nerve to explicitly tell me that they would tell me when i did something they did not like. and they expected me to change. immediately, drastically, permanently, cheerfully.

at this point though it just does not seem worth the cost benefit analysis.

precious lil "friends" had the nerve to tell me:

"you used a whole roll of toilet paper! most people only use four or five or six or seven sheets!".

"you did not wash the bowl". (one bowl) (oh, my deities)

"you were talking too loud at trader joe's". and then later the same precious lil "person" had the nerve to say "huh?". it's like tell me the quota and limit of the number of decibels.

"it takes too long", when i went to the bathroom

"we would rather not have you doing yoga. it's distracting."

okay, do i have a magnet on that attracts micromanagers ?

yeah i am afraid of dogs too. a dog bit me last year.

on the other hand i am just so tired. it's like what's the point.

two pointless parties living meaningless lives. human and dog. interact. and then you still have meaningless lives.

If I had to do a critical analysis, I would be a failure if measured against "normal" people my age.

I am single, have only a part time job, have been driving for only four years and currently don't have a boyfriend. I am overweighted on education, but haven't applied it at a high level.

However, I have been doing new and different things at my job every day and hope someday to get a full time job. I hope that can happen before I get too old and am forced to retire. Driving opened up a whole new world to me, and I am doing things related to my interests, rather than just sitting at home reading about them and just watching tennis.

It is too late for some things, but not too late for continuing growth and change.

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The dictionary has a vague definition of "failure". You can define failure any way you want

Not just society's definition:. School, work, relationships