How do you cope with the feeling you don't belong?

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That you're just about tolerated but not really wanted/don't really fit in.

It's hard for me, too.

Lifelong.

My solution is to just acknowledge it and emphasize your interests in your life.

I've had to learn, the hard way, that one mustn't make too much of an effort to "fit in." This "effort" tends to yield the opposite of the intended result.

I have a long standing insecurity after social rejection as a child and especially a teenager.

I did, too. Very much so. And for good reason: I WAS rejected.

My only solution was to just slough this crap off and try to be my own man.

I am still thought of as being eccentric--but I am granted a grudging respect because I don't try too hard to "be normal."

Kraftiekortie,

You make a good point. Sometimes, if you push the issue, you meet with resistance. Some people say, "Just put yourself out there," and "Be yourself." It doesn't work if you push too hard. I have tried to emphasize the good things about myself. It is easier now that I do function relatively well and am making social contacts based on my interests. I have to accept that, at my age, I probably won't have a really high paying job, but I hope to make enough someday to manage an independent life. It's sad that I'm still saying this at almost 53. I wasted so many years that it will be hard to catch up, but I'm working on it.

People now say they like me, but that wasn't always the case.

That's a tough one for me. I have a lot of pain from that. That is one reason why I love activities I can do alone and I like to be part of groups that are more geared for disabled people even though I am not always fully accepted in some of them either.

How do I cope? I'm not sure I do. I guess and try and kid myself that it doesn't bother me when I know if I was the last person the planet , I would be the happiest person on the planet.

I've been feeling like I don't belong for awhile so I mostly got used to those feelings. The other day I was at church camp with a church group I never went to and I felt like I REALLY didn't belong there. I had to call my Mom to come get me. Anyways, that was the only time that I felt strongly about not belonging.

How do I cope?

Answer:. Badly



Seriously though. Be grateful that you are at least "tolerated".

If you want, look for other groups to do into

But just because you do not fit in, does not necessarily follow that there is something wrong with you

I have found various people with whom part of me "belongs" and mostly share that with them. It's better than nothing.

I would actually say that, as an adult, people seem to like me and enjoy my quirks (this was not the case growing up).

That said, I do still feel like I don't belong and find social situations either stressful or boring, and rarely do I actually get past acquaintanceship to friendship.

I try not to focus too much on fitting in. I've managed to meet other women who are also outsiders and I keep in touch with them. We don't live near each other so we meet up when we can.

Yes that's the kind of thing that's kept my head above water too. There's usually been another outcast or two around who didn't do that clique thing on me, and I gravitated towards them. One time I lived in an area where practically everybody was unusual and friendly, and I felt wonderfully included and figured I'd grown out of my social ineptitude for good. I didn't know about autism in those days. I moved out of the area and it's never been as good since, though mercifully the numbers have never quite dropped to zero. For me it's been more of a fear that with such a tiny circle of friends it wouldn't take much bad luck for me to become a complete outcast.

The other helpful thing is that I avoid social situations in which I'm likely to get ignored, and I just stay home alone. So if I get lonely like that, at least it's not being rubbed in my face, and I don't feel so rejected because really it's me who is rejecting them. It's probably not the best solution, but it kind of works.

Then too, who would WANT to fit in, most places?
There was a lovely old Wizard of Id cartoon in which the Seneschal rushes into the throne room to announce "Your Majesty, Your Majesty - The peasants are revolting!"
The King calmly replies "I've known that for years."

^
Some truth in that. I prefer to think that most people, though not exactly jerks, just aren't compatible with me. Yet it feels so satisfying when I just damn the whole pack of them.

That's what I do. My friends are all social outsiders, so we get along well!