Socializing with people you aren't interested in

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I am confused. On another forum I asked how I could motivate myself to meet new people. Two people told me to just go to events for the events themselves (not the people), expect nothing from the people, and that I might meet some nice people anyways. One person said she went out to eat with people she wasn't even interested in!

How do people do this?! If I go out with people I'm not interested in, my lack of interest will be obvious. I won't talk except to give short answers, I won't look at people, I'll look bored and tired, yawn, look around, sigh, and show other signs of not wanting to be around them. The other people will notice and the meeting would probably be awkward.

Can you do this? All I can think is that these people are not only faking, but the faking is relatively easy for them. I can't fake interest in other people; it would tire me out and I'd probably leave early to avoid a migraine.

I can fake interest for a short while, but after that I just want to get out of the situation. I honestly don't know how I could motivate myself to meet new people. It's not something I can force, otherwise I'll get bored. Have you tried "interest groups" or meeting people with similar interests?

I have a hard time pretending to not have autism and social anxiety for very long. And it's hard to fake interest too. One thing that helps me is when I've been married and gone to social functions with my wife back then. Both my exes were OK socially and they would help me get drawn into conversations that I otherwise wouldn't have participated in. I once even ended up at a very large (>100 people) fund-raising party for the deaf community where no-one was speaking, just signing! It can get exhausting to socialize even with a partner or good friend present however. When I'd get burned out, I would mostly just chat with my ex. I don't go to events that aren't interesting to me, it just takes too much energy.

Oddly enough I can in most situations find a connection point with just about anyone. There is always something at least in the gym. We talk about water exercise routines, diets, weights. Ok I have the gym as a special interest. Relaxing place and terrific people. Other times I have chatted with strangers at coffee houses.

I like to socialize with people who know things and those who give me credit for knowing things. I don't like superficial people whose interests only seem to revolve around the "movie of the week," and I don't like negative people. They are an energy drain.

I for one couldn't do it for the life of me. Even faking interest is incredibly hard for me.

If you find an event interesting, there's a chance that you'll find other participants interesting. You can just eavesdrop around and see if anyone shows intelligence or whatever else you seek. Odds are low, but I went from zero friends to finding possibly the best friend ever just by going on a studio tour so that I could see his underground house.

I am forced into it on occassion. I would never, ever, ever go to someones house just to to be social if I had any say in it, thank goodness that is a rare thing. I just zone out, even when I try really hard. I am sure people must know I have absoultley no interest whatsoever in the lives or interests of other poeple unless that interest coinsides with mine. Even then about 30 minues to an hour is as much as I can stand. No matter where I am or what I am doing I just want to come home again.

It is very difficult for me to socialise with people in general, especially people I am not interested in. I can tolerate it by faking my interest in them & just being civil with them, but I can only do it for no longer than about 45 minutes or an hour. I just get too exhausted after that much time & want to go home & be by myself. Sometimes, when I have gone to get-togethers or meetups that I did not really like, I have shown subtle signs of my boredom by doing things like not saying anything, yawning, looking around the room, showing a bored facial expression, putting my hand up to my jaw, and basically just "tuning out"; it just gets really awkward for me.



My Dad sometimes forces me in to it by inviting me over to his & his wife's house for dinner parties with their friends & family members, which are no better than being in situations with strangers; I do not really have anything in common with any of them. My Dad is the only person there I am comfortable with, and occasionally he makes it a little bit easier for me by getting me involved in conversations by bringing up a topic that I am interested it. I have to have him or someone I am really comfortable with accompany me to get-togethers who can help me engage with people; it is just too awkward for me to go to these kinds of things alone.



In the past, I have gone to clubs & social outings that sounded like fun to me because they were things I have an interest in, but they have been unsuccessful for me because it was too difficult for me to socialise & bond with any one else attending; maybe it is because of my Asperger's syndrome. I now only go to groups & events that I know I will have a good time at & I am comfortable with the people there, or at least I am familiar with. I no-longer go to get-togethers just for the sake of going or getting out of the house, or just because I got an invitation. I just spend the rest of my free time at my house by myself.

I have found meditation a great help in getting through boring meetings, etc. The most compatible ones involve paying as much attention as possible on your breathing. Sometimes, you can get points for asking someone for more details about their current concerns, so that you only have to talk 1% of the time and they wind up feeling much more positive about you.

I've become a pro at faking interest, although, now that I'm older (and more aware that many of the reasons I don't do well socially is because I'm on the spectrum) I do it less and less. If I'm not interested in someone, I separate myself from them as politely as I can. (I've learned to curb my rude responses as much as possible in public).

An example: I have a friend of a friend who only talks about her kids and her job at McDonalds. That's it. If the topic goes towards anything else, she will actively work to bring it back to her kids or her job at McDonalds. I like kids and I don't mind talking about work struggles, but when it's the only thing a person has to contribute to the conversation...yeah, I'd rather be doing something else. If ever I'm at a party and she's there, I might say hello. I might indulge her for a round of "OMG, do you know what little Suzy said today", but after that, I excuse myself and talk to someone else or get some punch or whatever.

On the flip side of that, if I meet someone I'm super interested in, I see no problem with engaging them for the entire time. I know that it's better to mingle and so forth, but I have always felt super awkward and weird about just walking up to people and talking to them. IF I manage to find someone to connect with, I don't really see the problem with connecting with them as much as they allow me to. (Met an awesome trans woman at a party that way once. Hers is a friendship I enjoy having, still today.)

I don't know. The older I get, the less I want to waste time engaging in relationships I don't really want to have.

I feel like the practice of socialising with people who aren't going to be potentially anything greater than a friend (but aren't at this stage, either) is regardless extremely important practice. I often have grand plans of going to so and so many events by myself with much the same idea that the venue is a means to an end and not to expect anything from people - have even done so, when I've summoned the nerve.
Funnily I've never been approached or had anything as big as a conversation with said people at said events. I think I intimidate people, sometimes. In any case this has made me wary of continued failure. Decided to let the natural urge to socialise take a back seat and practice in more controlled territory: in the groups I attend with others on the spectrum. I've had a great deal more success there so far and have made some friends.

I tried really hard to be active in the local astronomy club. I just found myself hanging around trying to pretend I was comfortable with looking bloody awkward, I just never knew what to do with myself.