What do you wish you had known about living as an adult?

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Hi there! I was just diagnosed, at age 35, with ASD Level 1 (my report says I had textbook "Little Professor" presentation, but Asperger's is no longer available in the DSM-V) and significant executive function deficits. The psych who diagnosed me said that I'm very high-functioning compared to her other patients, just because I live alone and hold a job - that is, I can pass for NT if you don't look too closely and don't talk to me for very long. She wants me to come talk to her 18+ group about how to get by as a grownup - keep a job, keep your house non-filthy, keep your bills paid, keep yourself fed, etc. I'm happy to do that if I can help anybody else; I wish somebody could have explained it to me instead of just being thrown into it when I was kicked out of my mom's house. But I really don't know where to start. My main issue has been keeping my house liveably clean-ish and I never learned to budget, but I know everyone has different problems.
So, forum, I have 2 questions:
1) Is this just ridiculously patronizing, like to the point of being offensive?
2) If this is a good idea, what kind of challenges do you think I should try to address?


PS - This forum was one of the first places I felt like I had found "my people". So thanks for that.

That keeping in contact with people is really important because if you don't they will not be there when you need them.
My thought process was when I finished college or a job that everything about that part of my life including the people is completely done with. This is an example of autistic black and white thinking.

I would like to become independent enough to be able to help others in my situation someday. I would like to show somebody who is going through a bad time to know it can be done if they work hard and never give up on themselves.

Tell a few stories about things you were surprised to learn, and take questions. Odds are that many of your thought processes just won't run on other peoples' wetware, but you might help spark a mutual sharing of things to try.
I'm still adjusting to hearing about Dunning-Kruger syndrome, and realizing that although I've always felt stupid for being slow in social situations, what seems to me to be a crystal-clear technical description is just like clouds to many people.

Financial freedom is wonderful but very quickly can become an issue if you are not on top of it. Don't spend all your money on your special interests, make sure that you have a reserve emergency fund (preferably at another bank that you have to go to withdrawal the money) with about 2,000 plus in it, and always use cash as much as possible along with setting up automatic bill payment ( A life saver as it's just an online set up and then you're done).

I feel at least some people on the Spectrum will listen to somebody who is also on the Spectrum more readily than somebody who is not on the Spectrum.

I actually don't find it patronizing to suggest that you could assist others on the Spectrum.

I moved out of my pop's place when I was 19. Worth mentioning at that point in time I'd never so much as heard of Asperger's Syndrome, but I always got by on all that stuff they asked you to talk about. Granted, my apartments have never exactly been awesomely clean or anything, but I've figured out how to cook for myself (thanks internet!), how to keep my cloths clean and not exploded (thanks internet and labels!), fix all the stuff that undergoes sudden unplanned rapid disassembly around my place (ok my pops helped a fair bit with that one, but the internet could've fixed that too in a pinch). My point is in this wonderful age of information the only technical skill you should be teaching them is how to perform proper research and discern quality information from, well, most of what gets published by both mainstream and fringe media nowadays o.O

You should really do this:

I had tons of questions when I was 19, but I wanted the answers to the ones that NTs get naturally, the ones that "aren't OK to ask". Still do for many of them :/ I guess most of all I felt isolated, and you got an opportunity to make them bond by answering questions and making them share their own experiences. You could spare them that feeling just by getting them talking, showing them their common grounds.

Gosh, when I was trying to start a business, there were years when I'd regularly split my last $20 between hardware and food. I never had a stable savings account for emergencies, although there were brief periods with many thousands in capital. I had several years recently just $10 a month ahead of bare-minimum expenses. Through it all, I never missed a meal, except when I was too busy to bother. A few days, there was only one choice, but it was my regular food. I do carry a credit card with a low overdraft rate for emergencies, but generally avoid debt like the plague.

It is sometimes really hard to tell a special interest from a business investment. Mine hasn't paid off, except in satisfaction, but I knew the odds were awful before going into the invention biz, so I kept a side job most of the time, and never spent the deposits 'till I could deliver.
One time, a guy spent all but a few dollars, risking the family groceries, on a really fancy tape recorder, so he could distort his voice in a weird way. Then David Seville recorded "The Chipmunks," a zany #1 hit. Your mileage may vary.

Haha true, life is all about taking risks and sometimes it pays off. I know for me, one of my special interests is crafting. It's a skill that I know can be profitable (I do metal stamping and crochet) but instead of setting up a small internet shop or what not and buying supplies as I earned the extra money, I ended up spending money I do not have to get everything I thought I need and getting myself into a bit of debt. I don't want this to happen to other youngins' on the spectrum because struggling for money is not a pleasant experience at all (putting it mildly). But I do think if a special interest is marketable, it's definitely worth seeing if you can't use it to make a little extra money for spending or saving. ^^;

I feel budgeting is fairly trivial and those who don't budget don't do so because it's irrelevant to them or they don't care to or it won't help them because they don't have enough money to begin with.

I also believe that NTs focus too much on cleanliness when it comes to people on the spectrum. If a person doesn't smell bad, their hair isn't matted or excessively greasy, they don't have visible dirt on them, their clothes aren't dirty and their teeth have been brushed that day, and they don't have lice of any time, then they are clean enough. If their house doesn't rotting food sitting out, insect or rodent infestations, feces or urine any place, and they are not packed in like a hoarder, then it's clean enough.

But too often, NTs focus on things like showering every day or having a very tidy house as if it would be the end of the world if the person didn't adhere to these things.

I think it's far more important to teach people on the spectrum about things like how and when to do their taxes, how to deal with customer service representatives, and act as an agent for themselves. They need to be informed of their rights in course of life business dealings such as rental leases, and when it's ok to say no or put up a fuss about something, how to spot frauds, and when it's ok to turn down a job or walk away from one to avoid being exploited.

Get a dishwasher straight away

Even if you have very little space, there are also tiny dishwashers.

Knowing your rights is pretty basic. The hazard for me was expecting to get them. There is a huge difference if you are not rich or well-connected. If you suggest that someone should do their job, they will probably punish you. The last time I went to the Police, I could tell the guy was just going through the motions until he found out that I'd gone to the Mayor first, and been sent by him. I still got screwed, but they had to spend a lot more time, and bother the culprit into spending on a lawyer.

I don't think there are any downsides to being able to advise, inform and help others on the spectrum who may struggle with how to live alone as an adult.

There are lots of practical ins-and-outs that even an NT embarking on life would not necessarily know instinctively. There's a moment in life for everyone, when they first have to find out how to pay a bill, write a check, sign up for a utilities account, deal with rent, and budget whatever income they have.

Personally I think this stuff should be taught in schools, lol! Instead, everyone alive seems to be expected just to take to it in a process of osmosis.

Anytime someone can actually teach it to others, can only be a good thing.

My once-husband, at the age of 32, and totally NT, had not yet learned how to simply budget! And we badly needed to budget tightly as neither of us made much and we went through a VERY lean time at that time. So, I would see that our bank balance and any expected paychecks would be enough to get us through rent due-date and the next week's food shopping, with, say, $20 to spare -- and he would go and purchase something frivolous, a "luxury" item he fancied, for $80!! !

Leaving us in crisis when rent time came, when we didn't need to be if only that luxury $80 had been postponed.

He was intelligent and not on the spectrum, but even he was clueless about just keeping money controlled.

So, my opinion is that you can never have too much advice about the nitty-gritty nuts and bolts of how to budget.

It may seem simple and obvious -- don't spend what you don't have, look ahead to expenses, figure incomings, and do the simple math.

But it's surprising how many people, spectrum or allistic, don't figure this stuff out.

Regarding cleaning and hygiene -- I agree with the person above who said as long as the person or the home is not in clear and obvious disgusting territory, too much emphasis is placed on things being immaculate.

But a basic "how to" about upkeep, housecleaning, and personal care, would be good, including shortcuts and time saver tips. Like if you don't want to or feel you need to shower every single day, but there are things like wet wipes to at least do a daily super-quick clean of certain body parts, and that can hold you until the next real bathing you do.

Or how setting a list of small household tasks to do each day, can help you stay on top of the place being reasonably okay. Make a note of garbage and recycling pickup day, and the night before is when to take your stuff out, things like that.

There are lots of practical issues to living alone that even someone without autism could really use being given tips on.

In any moderate to cold climate, daily bathing is not optimum for your skin. I don't even use deodorant, and every third day is usually enough to avoid odour, provided I avoid wearing polyester, getting frightened or angry, and eating meat. I do make some extra effort in the bathroom in case of guests, and start with a clean, tidy kitchen if I have invited someone to eat.

Q: What do you wish you had known about living as an adult?
A: That the message of "Do this list of things and you will achieve the good life" is a sadistic prank.

I wish I had known that, unless you are bright, it's fundamental to be interested in other people.