Can I just suppress myself too well?
30 Aug 2017, 5:14 am
After studying this forum for a while and seeing a lot of very relatable thoughts and behvarios, I'm left wondering whether I can just control my negative impulses too well. I have never been properly diagnosed, but a lot of what I've seen written here (and a few online tests) lead me to believe, that I have Autism.
It would explain a lot about my life and how it turned out. How I see other people, how other people see me and how I could never fit, no matter how hard I tried. I'm aware that there's a multitude of other possibilities for that. I'm just wondering whether there might be a way to get sure for my own sake?
Obvious isolation, great discomfort from sensory overload in a lot of situations, feeling unable to handle what I'm perceiving and wanting to hide and just make everything quite...somehow though I've always been able to endure it without the typical breakdowns. I often wanted to just sit down crying, but I kept myself due to fear of everyone staring at me. Which I didn't use to care about, but learned to - even though I never wanted to.
I'm rambling....the essential part I've been seeking help for a long time for being unable to handle the world in any realistic and self-sufficient manner.
Naive question: Is it possible for an autistic person to become psychologically ill? I assume so, but I haven't ever really stumbled upon anything tackling the topic.
I hope this isn't too incoherent, I'd appreciate any input.
30 Aug 2017, 6:35 am
It would explain a lot about my life and how it turned out. How I see other people, how other people see me and how I could never fit, no matter how hard I tried. I'm aware that there's a multitude of other possibilities for that. I'm just wondering whether there might be a way to get sure for my own sake?
Obvious isolation, great discomfort from sensory overload in a lot of situations, feeling unable to handle what I'm perceiving and wanting to hide and just make everything quite...somehow though I've always been able to endure it without the typical breakdowns. I often wanted to just sit down crying, but I kept myself due to fear of everyone staring at me. Which I didn't use to care about, but learned to - even though I never wanted to.
I'm rambling....the essential part I've been seeking help for a long time for being unable to handle the world in any realistic and self-sufficient manner.
Naive question: Is it possible for an autistic person to become psychologically ill? I assume so, but I haven't ever really stumbled upon anything tackling the topic.
I hope this isn't too incoherent, I'd appreciate any input.
Your question is anything but naive, the answer is of course yes. Many, many of us suffer from anxiety and depression. Around 70% of autistic people have some form of mental health difficulty, you are far from alone. You talk about how you have been masking, again those of us who were diagnosed late have been through exactly the same senario, we are actors coping the behavours of the neurotypical population so that we fit in. Thats really not suprising. For so many of us school was a living hell, we were bullied, picked on and belittled. It is no wonder we just want to slip under the radar.
I am taking it that you have taken the usual self diagnostic on-line tests? What were your scores? If you come out with very high scores, and if you feel that a formal diagnosis will help you to find some peace might I suggest that you should go and begin the process to get one. I don't know how things work in Germany, but I do know that you are living in one of the better countires in Europe to be autistic (The others being the UK and the Netherlands) and give thanks you don't live in France.
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30 Aug 2017, 7:37 am
I am taking it that you have taken the usual self diagnostic on-line tests? What were your scores? If you come out with very high scores, and if you feel that a formal diagnosis will help you to find some peace might I suggest that you should go and begin the process to get one. I don't know how things work in Germany, but I do know that you are living in one of the better countires in Europe to be autistic (The others being the UK and the Netherlands) and give thanks you don't live in France.
I've taken 3 tests, two were of them were pretty similar. All 3 said I show a lot of typical signs for autism but should get expert opinion. I've been talking to my psychiatrist about it, but he's not an expert and basically just waved it off by grabbing his diagnostics book (ICD 10) and talking about diagnostic criteria described in it....?
It would actually give me a lot of peace of mind to have autism diagnosed. Because I would no longer wonder why everything that seems to be normal/easy for others is so bloody difficult for me. I took action to get an expert opinion, hopefully soon.
About Germany and autism: The opinions that I've heard so far - apart form people that work with autistics - is that they (we?) are ret*d, crazy, dumb and a plethora of other things.
Thanks for your reply.
Edit: How do autistics get treated in France?
30 Aug 2017, 8:38 am
Yes, you can supress yourself too much. I did and when it all exploded, my mental health was a disaster.
Probably you should seek a professional opinion on autism if you have also different problems. The reason is, some traits may be easily misinterpreted if the psychiatrist didn't know you expirience the world differently. And getting a wrong psychiatric diagnosis may totally ruin someone's life.
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30 Aug 2017, 10:58 am
I controlled myself well as a kid. All my mother had to do was threaten me and I would shape up and also punishments worked too because I hated being in trouble and I hated being yelled at and having consequences. I also have an aspie friend who feared his father he also shaped up and never had a meltdown since he was four and he never acted out. He ended up turning to drugs in his young adult years and then drinking. But he is doing better now and doesn't do that s**t anymore and only drinks in moderation and he still controls himself and doesn't seem to burn out from it. He tells me his beer helps. Now his dad feels bad because he feels he was harsh but I told my friend he should tell his dad he shouldn't feel bad because it showed what he could control and just imagine if he were diagnosed young if Asperger's was known then and how much behaviors would they have let him get away with and how would they know what he could control and what he couldn't? So there was a positive perk to not being diagnosed because the parents didn't have an excuse then and they got to see what he could control.
So is it possible an autistic person can control their behavior on their own without any help, of course. But I wonder if this is why I had behavior in my teen years and my mom just believes I tried to be Asperger's. I just remember my anxiety got really bad and then I was very angry and I hated my mother. I didn't have any thought in my head about "Oh I am going to act this way because of Asperger's." "Oh people with Asperger's would throw dirt clods at their mother for making them come outside on a hot day and be expected to pull all these weeds so I am going to do just that." Maybe that was also why I got so depressed in 6th grade and all those years of feeling different and trying to fit in and be accepted and trying to be normal.
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30 Aug 2017, 12:26 pm
Agree with those above. I can lead to a whole bunch of mental problems. Just the effort needed to constantly suppress can cause anxiety and eventually burnout. The fact that what is seemly so easy for everybody else is so hard for you can lead to the feeling you are an inferior person and thus depression. Becoming too good at it and you may become fake or lose a sense of who one is leading to Depersonalization-derealization disorders
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30 Aug 2017, 1:02 pm
Pretty much what I'm experiencing. When trying to remember my day I often have a very hard time recalling memories from a first person perspective, rather I see myself doing those things.
So is it possible an autistic person can control their behavior on their own without any help, of course. But I wonder if this is why I had behavior in my teen years and my mom just believes I tried to be Asperger's. I just remember my anxiety got really bad and then I was very angry and I hated my mother. I didn't have any thought in my head about "Oh I am going to act this way because of Asperger's." "Oh people with Asperger's would throw dirt clods at their mother for making them come outside on a hot day and be expected to pull all these weeds so I am going to do just that." Maybe that was also why I got so depressed in 6th grade and all those years of feeling different and trying to fit in and be accepted and trying to be normal.
That sounds familiar. I hadn't heard of autism/asperger's at that age though.
Pretty much. My mental health is terrible atm, unable to do much without huge anxiety and panic episodes, feelings of dread and existential crisis for....8+ months now. I'm actually going to a psychiatric hospital soon because it's becoming absolutely crippling.
30 Aug 2017, 1:36 pm
I hope this isn't too incoherent, I'd appreciate any input.
You might be suffering from anxiety and depression and not realise it because the way you feel has become "normal" to you.
Only recently have I realised that I'm emotional and highly anxious. Because I didn't show much emotion I've always been told I'm calm, or people think I'm really calm. I thought because people told me I was calm that must be what I'm like. I've had to reinterpret a lot of my life in order to make sense of it. A lot of my difficulty with social interaction has been due to bad mental health, and I think a lot of that is caused by sensory overload and confusion with others' behaviour.
Still I can't say what's going on with you from a couple of posts. My experience is that I can keep a lid on things for so long and then I will crash. I think that's fairly common for autistic people pressured to "behave" under difficult conditions.
30 Aug 2017, 2:58 pm
I guess that's what happened to me last year. I had a nervous breakdown and after that my psyche went to crap.
I don't want to seem like I'm just agreeing with what you guys for the heck of it. Most of what you post here just rings true and very logical. I really appreciate your input.
