Got space for another "am I on the spectrum?" post?

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I've been lurking here and I see there's a lot of these. I hope you all won't mind yet another one. I know nobody can diagnose me over the internet but a professional evaluation is out of the question for financial and other reasons, and I really wouldn't mind some feedback from others who have been professionally diagnosed (or not as the case may be) in addition to self-speculation and online "tests" (RDOS: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 136 of 200. Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 69 of 200. You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie). I did answer "2" to "do you prefer to be hugged only by a romantic partner" though I don't have a romantic partner but would answer yes when I had one, and now like to be hugged only by my children, which happens rarely but I don't mind it.) I am an adult female, for reference.

I am sure not "normal", and I think I recognise myself as being on the autism spectrum but I am not entirely sure.

Here's some relevant things from childhood and adolescence:

- I used to need to spin around.

- I started speaking later than usual but used full and complex sentences when I did. (I am also multilingual, which could also explain this.) I apparently have a voice that is "too loud" (even now) and "too monotonous". I was in speech therapy in primary school, and both the speech therapist and school psychologist suggested I could have autism but formal testing was never pursued.

- I had a passion for nature in general and birds and bird watching in particular which others referred to as an "obsession". I used to create constructed languages based on bird sounds. I moved onto other passions during adolescence and those have remained constant (I found employment in my main area of passion and have been in that field ever since), though I developed others too, some passing, some there to stay.

- I never had same-aged friends. As a child, I found a friend in an elderly neighbour who was also passionate about bird watching. Only now am I finding I can relate to same-aged people more easily. I was bullied all of primary school and at secondary school until I moved to a new one and decided I would do everything I could to "fit in". It worked but it was an act. I craved social contact (as well as needing a lot of alone time) but didn't find what I was looking for in actual social interactions.

- I had to have a (particular) scarf with me to feel safe.

- Eye contact? Nope. I can do it now but it's a learned behaviour. Couldn't do it as a child. I also had trouble with "polite" words such as "hello" and "thank you". I don't anymore. If someone said something to me that didn't seem relevant I'd just not reply.

- I was diagnosed with dyscalculia. This should explain why I cannot read an analogue clock, do maths, read maps, etc.

- Another one, now and earlier in life: People tend to think I am being aggressive or angry when I excitedly/happily talk about something with passion.

Now, I "perform" quite well socially. I have one close friend "in person" and socialise with my kids' friends' parents, but I do best talking to people online, both if I know them in person and a close-knit group of people I met online because we are all interested in the same thing. I did not finish secondary school because of the dyscalculia but was fortunate enough to find employment in an area related to a passion. It is solitary work most of the time, and that suits me splendidly, though I can engage in team work via the internet and in person when needed very well also. I don't think I "stim", not now. I also don't follow rigid routines, time-wise, but I like going the same places and taking the same route all the time (also related to a lacking sense of direction). Brushing my teeth makes me gag every time. I'm sure there are other things that might be relevant, but I can't think of any right now. I am much more comfortable just being me than I was earlier in life and generally feel content.

What say you?

We fight.

You exhibit some indication of being on the Autistic Spectrum. But I don't see too many glaring, obvious features.

Most of what you stated could be attributed to condition other than autism----or maybe just an aspect of "normal human variation."

When did you start talking? I would say, if it was about 2 years of age, that it is not "abnormal," per se--especially since you spoke in complex sentences by that time. If age 3, then there was a definite delay.

How were you socially in school? Were you "quite odd" in preschool?

Do you experience "sensory overload?" Meaning that you are overwhelmed by your overall environment, and need to escape from it.

Do you have trouble doing more than two things at once?

Have you read anything pertaining to the "Broad Autism Phenotype?"

The test you mentioned, as you probably know already, does not offer a definitive diagnosis---only a sort of "screening."

Whether you're autistic or not, you're still definitely welcomed here on WrongPlanet.

Female traits are often less obvious.
That doesn't mean they don't cause considerable difficulty.
They are better masked.
Welcome to WP.
Sorry about the LOTR reference.

I started speaking at age three and a bit, but this is also not completely unusual in multilinguals. I did not attend preschool, but I was more than "quite odd" in primary school and beyond. This can also be explained by other factors, such as family trauma and being multicultural. I do become overwhelmed by crowded, noisy environments and background noise in particular. Since I work from home, I have quite a lot of control over the environment where I spend most of my time.

I would say you're definitely not a "normal" person.

As for autism----I just don't see the glaring signs. But it could be because you're female---that's true. Females are said to be able to "mask" autism better. It should be said that there are also females on the Spectrum who exhibit obvious symptoms.

It seems like you're functioning at least fairly well. Which is excellent and most commendable.

I sense that some diagnosticians might diagnose you to be on the Spectrum. But others, especially those who have outmoded notions about autism, might not believe you are autistic at all.

I was wondering what that was.

I don't know "what is wrong with me", but I know "something" is wrong with me, and have from an early age. I've gone from being completely clueless to trying to assimilate to accepting myself over the years. Whatever it is that is wrong with me, my daughter is like that too. It is interesting seeing her do the exact same things other people tried to "correct" in me when I was her age.

In my opinion, you hit many of the marks for an autism diagnosis (social deficits, communication deficits and repetitive/routine obsessive compulsions, along with some characteristic comorbids). You might want to include some details and examples in your description of those marks.

Have you also completed the University of Cambridge Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) self-reported screening test ( https://www.wired.com/2001/12/aqtest/ )? You might find it interesting, and some of its questions are included in the tests you have completed.

Of course, if pursuing a diagnosis is unaffordable, completing your screening tests gives you the ability to tell people that you have "been screened with autism (or Autism Spectrum Disorder, your choice)." Most people wouldn't understand the difference between screening and diagnosing and, therefore, wouldn't challenge your description.

I am a big supporter of those who are self-identified with autism. Affordability is just one of several reasons too many people don't have a diagnosis (even though many of them would otherwise be able to pursue a diagnosis). So ... embrace the next best thing. Be the best self-identified autist that you can be.

If your "symptoms" are affecting your life and your social relationships in an adverse way, then I would say you might have "something wrong with you."

If you are content with yourself as you are, albeit a little eccentric, and you treat people decently----then I would say that there's "nothing wrong with you."

Being Aspergian or autistic doesn't mean there's "something wrong with you." It just means you have a "condition" or a "disorder." In some ways, you might be more "right" than somebody without a "disorder" or "condition."

I have many autistic symptoms----yet I am functioning fairly well. I could be doing better---but I've accepted my limitations. I don't think there's "something wrong with me." If I would seek to harm people, then there's "something wrong with me."

This is why I talked about childhood more, the me before social conditioning took place fairly successfully. "Wrong planet" describes me well, for sure, but I can hide it fairly well most of the time, though I really do not do well with "social chit chat" and much prefer to talk about topics than about stuff people tend to talk about.

My wish to understand "why I am this way" is completely personal and because whatever it is, I see the same traits in my children, particularly one (as do other people, who comment), rather than to gain an ability to tell other people anything, other than talking about it here perhaps. I did take the AQ and that also indicated being on the spectrum. Though I find the questions asked on these tests confusing sometimes. (Not the AQ, which was straightforward, but the RDOS test had some questions I found difficult to answer.)

Yes, I agree. I am the same in that I have accepted my limitations and function well (yes, OK, fairly well).

Regarding the maths disability, which I was formally diagnosed with, I can say the same thing. I don't see it as a disability onto itself because I have learned to function very well without an ability to engage in maths beyond very simple addition and subtraction. I do not personally need the maths in my life. When I have encountered difficulties it is not because of the maths disability itself but because of the problems it creates in society, such as, to name a prime example, not being able to finish secondary school because of it and not being able to have a piece of paper most people expect a person to have. (Which could matter a great deal in terms of employment, though luckily, I did not end up being a barrier for me.)

Whatever this wider difference between me and most of the rest of the world is, I don't experience it as a problem in itself but it certainly affects how I function in the world, which is not poorly, but certainly differently.

You seem like you might be from the UK. Am I right?

I am an American, so I'm not as knowledgeable about the UK educational system as a person from the UK.

If you're in the UK, did you eventually get "O" or "A" levels? Or some sort of vocational qualification? You folks in the UK (if you're in the UK) could do very well, perhaps even better than Americans, if they take the "vocational" track.

Especially in "A" levels, I am under the assumption that one doesn't have to do maths at all. One could pass "A" levels in three liberal arts courses of study, and still get into University.

You've done pretty well for yourself. I understand you're exploring yourself further--and that's cool.

Overall, it seems like you're more "different" (even if it turns out you have autism), rather than someone with "something wrong" with them.

I feel like you can help others who have been less "successful" than you've been.

No, I am in another European country, the educational system of which differs from the UK system. Yes, the A Level system is very appealing — one can pick and choose according to their interests.

I think I will stick around this forum. Regardless of diagnosis or lack thereof, it seems a worthwhile place to hang around. I did read that several posters were told no diagnosis (formal or self/suspected) is necessary to participate and this seems like it is a good place for me.

In your country, then, you have to be proficient in maths to graduate secondary school?

It seems like you've been able to obtain some sort of decent qualification. I sense that many people in European countries go for something like "secretarial" or something like "x-ray technician"--both of which are quite honorable professions that don't require a university education.

That really sucks, in my opinion.

Frankly, very few people, unless in the sciences or something like architecture, use math of algebra and higher in their daily lives. After basic algebra, mathematics becomes more theoretical--with the exception of something like accountancy or statistics. Even with accountancy and statistics, there's a strong arithmetic/practical element to it.

Do you have any children?

I, at age 56, am married, but never had any children. I learned to drive when I was 37, though I've been independent from my mother since age 20.

My feeling is:

If a formal diagnosis doesn't serve any purpose, why spend the money?

There are many "self-diagnosed" people here. Join the club LOL

I happened to have been diagnosed at a very young age--and I feel somewhat fortunate for that.